EsmerKiss7 Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 Although this title says male insight I always accept womens as well. Thanks. K, basically I posted this on another thread but realized it was in the wrong place.. =\ My bad, anyway, can someone tell me why a guy (knowing there's NSA) go through great lengths of wooing a girl, than once she starts feeling the same way back off and never call again? For example, I was dating this guy for about idk 2 months and we really hit it off. We met at a "company event" and became inseparable after that, everything was awesome with this guy - we had so many things in common, had so much fun, had great intellectual conversations too, and laughed all kinds. After about 2 weeks of hanging and all he starts telling me he has feelings for me and wants it to be more.. I really liked him, but we're in a career in which we move a lot (and am currently overseas) and he was scheduled to leave the next month, so I told him I felt the same but I think we should take it slow.. I've been in a few LDR's and hate them actually, I never wanted to do it again! He agreed and we decided to just go with the flow and see what happened. So, we continue seeing each other every other day or so, and things start getting heavy.. I mean even though we said we'd go with the flow he still told me he really cared and wished I was his gf.. He told me he thought he loved me, which scared me at first because I didn’t think someone could love someone that quick, and I honestly didn’t feel that way. I mean I cared about him and had feelings but I wouldn’t say I “loved” him. Although I'll admit I should've been stronger in my convictions and stuck with my gut, but I didn’t. I started falling for him and questioning whether it may work… I figured why not give him a chance he seems genuine enough and I knew that with time I would love him, I already had major feelings for him – it was kind of like signing the agreement in advance. That's when the flaking started, we'd chat online and say he would come over but always have an excuse the night before or earlier that day.. Although we didn't see each other we still chatted online and talked about everything, we said we'd KIT and see where it went when I went on vacation (which is only a month from now) and when I finally returned home. I asked him what was up, and he told me he was just really busy and had all these things he needed to do before he left, which was reasonable. He said he would definitely try and see me before he was scheduled to leave. Anyway, he continually flaked on me, I didn’t ask him to come over he would say he was than flake out. He did this like 6 or 7 times, I was pissed. I finally called him out and was like wtf? It seemed like he was doing it on purpose. He said he was sorry, and to give him a break, whatever. He also stated that why would it even matter when we're just going to see how it goes anyway... He left about 2 weeks ago. He emailed me the night before he was to leave and said he missed me already and would email me again when he got home - and still hasn’t. My point is that we both knew what was up in the first place and I told him from the get go it didn’t have to be all romance and sh**, I mean what we do it’s hardly our first priority. We both kind of just needed someone there that wasn’t our co-workers.. Anyway, he knew what was up but kept trying to make me believe he cared and see where he was coming from, and when I did he really just stopped altogether. I know he isn’t going to email me or talk to me again. I just don’t understand why he would go through all that trouble trying to convince me when I told him I didn’t need all that.
muse08 Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 i'm female and based on personal experiences and observation of other, i feel that many men a back away like that are merely trying to satisfy their ego and/or be in control rather than sincerely caring for a woman. many times i've thought that a guy was simply mental for taking it upon himself to chase me and call then back off...or when there's a conflict in the relationship they back off as soon as you agree to give them some attention. to me, it seems like a power struggle. it's really silly though...will they ever just stop with the games...?
letinmotion Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 Well my issues are psychological and are from past relationships and what I saw my parents go through as a divorce but when a girl likes me but may not like me as much as I like her, I tend to back off quite a bit. I become reserved (not intentionally) but I loose feelings and just go on with my life. Its happened only once or twice but you may be out of of luck. He may have taken the hint that maybe its not worth it, etc. Make yourself less available but not completely unobtainable. See what happens you are still in this.
Rudderless Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 He told me he thought he loved me, which scared me at first because I didn’t think someone could love someone that quick, and I honestly didn’t feel that way. I mean I cared about him and had feelings but I wouldn’t say I “loved” him. Perhaps he picked up on this and walked. He also stated that why would it even matter when we're just going to see how it goes anyway... Yeah, he definitely picked up on it and walked. He told you HE LOVED YOU, you responded with "we'll see". Perhaps he thought he was being played, after all you don't half sound like you gave him a load of mixed signals. He's a bit immature though to be fair...
boogieboy Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 I dont even think its that complicated. IF he could easily forget about you, he told you everything you wanted to hear to keep him occupied until he left. Thats all. He didnt know that he didnt have to do that with you, but with many women he does, and its part of the routine. Its just a player maneuver. he prolly was romantic and what not so that you would be there when he gets back too.
Author EsmerKiss7 Posted September 7, 2009 Author Posted September 7, 2009 Perhaps he picked up on this and walked. Yeah, he definitely picked up on it and walked. He told you HE LOVED YOU, you responded with "we'll see". Perhaps he thought he was being played, after all you don't half sound like you gave him a load of mixed signals. He's a bit immature though to be fair... Yea, I thought that as well, I mean I was trying to play it safe and not rush things, but it wasn't like I didn't see something happening with him.. I told him that. Meh, I guess it probably did confuse him... I think it's a little too late now tho, lol.
Author EsmerKiss7 Posted September 7, 2009 Author Posted September 7, 2009 I dont even think its that complicated. IF he could easily forget about you, he told you everything you wanted to hear to keep him occupied until he left. Thats all. He didnt know that he didnt have to do that with you, but with many women he does, and its part of the routine. Its just a player maneuver. he prolly was romantic and what not so that you would be there when he gets back too. Yea I can see that too. The thing is tho that i'm a pretty upfront person, and I did say that if it was just about sex and "right now" that I was cool with that.. I mean I told him he didn't have to tell me he loved me or anything if it wasn't sincere, and it was all good, i'd be the temp gf, lol... but he was the one who insisted that he really did want to be with me and really cared, and wished I would just give him a chance...
Rudderless Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 Yea, I thought that as well, I mean I was trying to play it safe and not rush things, but it wasn't like I didn't see something happening with him.. I told him that. Meh, I guess it probably did confuse him... I think it's a little too late now tho, lol. I don't know, I can see it from both sides. I think he was probably aware he was leaving and wanted to hurry you up
Author EsmerKiss7 Posted September 7, 2009 Author Posted September 7, 2009 Yea probably, lessons learned I guess. Honestly thats what makes it hard to trust people sometimes, you never know if they are just jerking your heart strings or being sincere. That balance is hard to make. Well for me atleast, lol.
Hkizzle Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 Yea I can see that too. The thing is tho that i'm a pretty upfront person, and I did say that if it was just about sex and "right now" that I was cool with that.. I mean I told him he didn't have to tell me he loved me or anything if it wasn't sincere, and it was all good, i'd be the temp gf, lol... but he was the one who insisted that he really did want to be with me and really cared, and wished I would just give him a chance... Player lifestyle is all based on deception. He probably was running his usually routine. Besides, it's all about putting as little effort in as possible after the first few times of sex, so he just slacked off.
Author EsmerKiss7 Posted September 7, 2009 Author Posted September 7, 2009 Player lifestyle is all based on deception. He probably was running his usually routine. Besides, it's all about putting as little effort in as possible after the first few times of sex, so he just slacked off. Wow, ha ha, ok I see what you mean... So next question, if I ever see him again should I punch him in the face? Lol, jk.
boogieboy Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 Wow, ha ha, ok I see what you mean... So next question, if I ever see him again should I punch him in the face? Lol, jk. Yes. And next time you get involved, watch his actions, not his words. Your BS radar started going off when they didnt match. Listen to it next time.
Author EsmerKiss7 Posted September 8, 2009 Author Posted September 8, 2009 Yes. And next time you get involved, watch his actions, not his words. Your BS radar started going off when they didnt match. Listen to it next time. Your totally right, I felt a certain way from the beginning and should've stuck with it instead i second guessed myself.
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