Intuition was right.. ex is on match

[JamesM]

Well, our situation was a little different. Things were fine between us, and the day after Thanksgiving I got a DUI. She ended things because of that one incident.

 

She would say it was just the icing on the cake, but the truth of the matter is if that had never happened we would still be together and, most certainly, be engaged.

 

I sense denial on your part. My guess is that while THIS incident may be what actually ended things, it could have just have been some other incident.

 

I think if we asked her, then she would say that you had a drinking problem.

 

And sorry...anyone who drives after drinking needs some help. Even if it is just some realization that you could have easily killed some innocent person.

 

She took issue with the fact that when I bought my house money got a little tight, and I basically got caught up in what could only be described as a financial perfect storm.

 

So drinking and (in her mind) financial irresponsibility? Again, you were a victim?

 

Again, my guess is that it is the reasons that money was tight.

 

She would state that the issue wasn't money getting tight, but that I didn't do anything about it, but when you work 40 hours a week in a corporate environment, and your kid visits every other weekend, there isn't a whole lot you can do.

 

There is, but you have a point...you had a busy life. However, you do have control over your weekends, yes?

 

All I needed was some patience on her end while I found a better paying opportunity, which I've found.

 

Perhaps she had been patient for most of the three years? And if you do not see her a patient when looking back, perhaps you simply need someone who better understands you? Why do you want her back if she was not patient with you the first time?

 

She also didn't like the fact that I would cut loose a little maybe once a weekend with drinking. She grew up in a very sheltered environment.. I grew up in a fast-paced town.

 

People in fast paced environments don't all party on their weekends. And many "sheltered" people I know drink alot more than I ever have.

 

She took issue with it a lot, and when I first broke up with her, then suggested getting back together, she asked that I cut back on it, which I did.

 

So your drinking has been an issue before?

 

Every person I've spoken with about it has told me that anyone that truly loves you would've stuck by you.. I guess I just don't understand it.

 

My point was not to judge you but your relationship with her. It sounds like it was less than stellar.

 

So, if it appears that she did not truly love you, then why do you think she still loves you? And perhaps she did love you when she left, but she realized that the ways things were going would cause more pain in the long run for both of you.

 

I am thinking that perhaps someone more fitted to you would be a better choice than she would be. Moving on and dating others might be very helpful for you to see this.

[JLT123]

She would probably tell you that I had a drinking problem, but if you consider going out on a Saturday night and having 7-8 beers and maybe a cocktail later a drinking problem then, well, everyone I know has a drinking problem.

 

The point here, too, is that when she asked me to cut back, I did, and she told me all the time that she could see that I changed. As far as me driving home, I figured I was doing the responsible thing by pulling over. I know waiting another hour would've been the responsible thing to do, but I figured I was rectifying the situation.

 

There were times that I did have a little too much to drink, but as stated, when she asked me to change I did.

 

Financial irresposibility is over-stating things. It's not like I was jobless and not looking. When I was living in my apartment, lavishing her with gifts, nice dinners out, vacations, etc. there was no issue.. I used most of my savings to purchase a house, they essentially cut my salary in half at work, and I was now dealing with a higher mortgage, higher bills, higher everything. I couldn't predict the economy tanking like it did.

 

Again, getting a second job was like using a band aid on a massive head wound. Getting a better paying job was the solution, and in this market it's not like they're just sitting around.

 

Do I have control over my weekend? Well, yeah, but what sort of life would that have been? I see my kid every other weekend, so I need to spend time with him.. I had a girlfriend of three years that I needed to spend time with.. I had to find another solution, which I did.

 

I cannot fault her on her issues with my drinking, and I took full responsibility for them, but, imo, me getting a DUI isn't as black and white as it was made out to be.

 

I wasn't a hazard on the road, driving on the wrong side of the road, crashing my car into a wall, etc.

 

I was parked in a parking lot not moving, and the only reason I was even charged with anything is because I had my keys still in the ignition. Had I taken them out then none of this would've happened. I felt that I had too much to drink to drive and pulled my car over.

 

If someone takes a shirt from a store and hides it in their pants, then deicdes to put it back before they leave, should they be charged with theft?

 

If someone walks out of their house with a gun with the intention of shooting someone, then reconsiders and puts it back in their pants, should they be charged with murder?

[Pink Cupcakes]

Well, you are rationalizing that you did nothing wrong and she should not have broken up with you, but this was her decision. She felt and still feels that you are wrong for her, or she wouldn't be out dating. She has moved on and not looked back, and is looking for a man more suited to what she wants in a relationship.

Sorry but you have no choice but to move on, whether you feel it was fair of her to break up with her or not. This is what she wanted.

Also you should take a hard look at yourself and decide if this is the person you want to be because the fact is you did start the car and move, and THEN stopped.

I actually stopped seeing a guy last year because he told me a year earlier that he had a couple scotches at a bar, and then drove home and got a DUI. he blamed it on these things: a year before that, his girlfriend had died of cancer, and he was only pulled over because his taillight was out, not because he was driving badly so he blamed the officer for doing a breathylizer on him and not cutting him a break

sounds like a similar situation - you are just using excuses which means you'll never try to better yourself, just play victim.

[JLT123]

My point is that the punishment needs to fit the crime. If a person is driving their vehicle and putting others at risk then yes, they should be punished accordingly.

 

A parked car is not a threat to anyone.

 

That's pretty much off-topic, but my point is that my life was thrown into turmoil on a technicality, and it's not right, period.

[JamesM]

That's pretty much off-topic, but my point is that my life was thrown into turmoil on a technicality, and it's not right, period.

 

Sorry to address the off topic again, but the reason they are so harsh on this...finally, is that by throwing your life into a turmoil over a "technicality," they may have prevented the loss of a life or two. Hopefully, you have learned that a drink or two can be very destructive, and unfortunately based on the news, it is usually destructive to the innocent and not the drinker.

 

Having said that and coming from your angle, I think I would feel like you do.

 

As for your love life, I can only say again...I know how you still feel for her, and you now have learned what to do differently, but I still think moving on is best. Date again. I don't think you need to be over her to date for fun.

[JLT123]

Sorry to address the off topic again, but the reason they are so harsh on this...finally, is that by throwing your life into a turmoil over a "technicality," they may have prevented the loss of a life or two. Hopefully, you have learned that a drink or two can be very destructive, and unfortunately based on the news, it is usually destructive to the innocent and not the drinker.

 

Having said that and coming from your angle, I think I would feel like you do.

 

As for your love life, I can only say again...I know how you still feel for her, and you now have learned what to do differently, but I still think moving on is best. Date again. I don't think you need to be over her to date for fun.

 

I did quite a bit a research on it, and it's a scientific fact that a person with three beers in their system is less of a threat on the road than a harried soccer mom, a person with a loud sound system, a delivery driver in a hurry, a truck driver suffering from a lack of sleep, or someone talking on a cell phone, texting, or putting make-up on.

 

But, again, that has nothing to do with the topic.

 

Rest assured, her actions this past Tuesday managed to lessen the thoughts I had for her by a good 50%.. I will not get into details because it was one of the most embarassing situations I've been in (I'm sure I'll tell it here eventually), but I've come to the conclusion that this person is a vindictive, immature wretch of an individual, and I feel like an idiot for ever shedding a single tear over her.

[wasabe]

Good to hear you're getting over her. Next time, perhaps you should refrain from spending so much money on a girl. Seems to me that once you purchased your home and money became tight, she bailed. Be glad she's gone. Let her sponge off someone else.