JoJola Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 Is there anyone out there that can give me some advice on my current situation with a guy I have been dating....here is the skinny We meet in June, after the first two dates we were a little drunk one night and he asked me to be his girl...we have never talked about this again. He would text me everyday in the morning and we would talk. Two weeks later I went on a trip with him and all his friends....then things changed a little. Slowly he stopped texting/calling but will respond to me when I call or text...he seems to be available whenever I want to do something; he was gone for a week on a family trip and i never heard from him; however when i checked in with him to see how the trip went he wanted to see me proclaiming he missed me. currently we spend a least two nights together a week. We have had plans to go with his friends for Labor Day Weekend, which we have just returned. He appears to like me but also sends so many different signals...i just dont get it..i know this is limited information but please help me out here....
boogieboy Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 I have some questions about this... Everything seems o be going well. He doesnt text or call you as much, but he is still seeing you consistently. Do you think he is seeing someone else? So you need him to give you attention constantly, is that what I'm reading here? You need Texts and calls every morning, and all though the day? You need him to let you know hes thinking about you constantly? Dont you have a life of your own so that you dont have to be waiting for him to show you attention? My ex was like you, she needed validation constantly because she had nothing else to do. She couldnt comprehend that I didnt feel differently about her even though I didnt contact her as much as she contacted me, I was just busy. You wanted someone who has his own life, he's probably just busy and comfortable with you. I dont think you did anything to turn him off.
Author JoJola Posted September 7, 2009 Author Posted September 7, 2009 I am just looking for some other opinions...I do not need validation because I have nothing else in my life. I have a full life that is very busy, but find time to send a 30 second text to someone I am interested in..maybe it is different for women vs. men. Sometimes I do think he is seeing other people...but I guess there is not a commitment that has been established? So when do the unwritten rules apply,...if you spend two over-nights a week with someone is it still ok to date other poeple if this person does not talk about commitment, and they give you every indication they dont want a commitment of course non-verbally.
boogieboy Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 I am just looking for some other opinions...I do not need validation because I have nothing else in my life. I have a full life that is very busy, but find time to send a 30 second text to someone I am interested in..maybe it is different for women vs. men. Sometimes I do think he is seeing other people...but I guess there is not a commitment that has been established? So when do the unwritten rules apply,...if you spend two over-nights a week with someone is it still ok to date other poeple if this person does not talk about commitment, and they give you every indication they dont want a commitment of course non-verbally. Its a different mindset. Even if I was interested in someone, I dont feel the need to text them out the blue, at least not every day. They know im interested when I talk to them, thats the way i work. I hate texting. it doesnt necessarily mean he is seeing someone else. Constantly texting someone because they need attention is a massive pain in the ass, for me anyway, someone who isnt a big texter. I also slowed down texting my gf cuz its annoying. Id rather just talk. So thats what he could be doing. He baited you initially with alot of texts, you got used to it, and now he can relax. There are no unwritten rules in dating. If you want to be sure of something you want, you have to vocalize it. If you dont tell him you want exclusivity, he can conceivably date other people and not tell you...because you didnt ask.
sugarmomma Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 Who does most of the initiating when you guys do spend time together? If it is YOU, you need to STOP. Let him do most of the work in the r and you will see whether you have a r or not. Sounds like you're doing too much which means he has to do very little to spend time with you. Good Luck!
Author JoJola Posted September 8, 2009 Author Posted September 8, 2009 Thanks for your responses! You are both right to some degree. I need to stop initiating our conversations via text/phone and see where it goes, I just have been afraid to get the answer that I think I will get....that there is nothing between us. One thing that just started bothering me is that when we were gone he was sending FaceBook Posts; however will not be my friend which tells me he is hiding his life from me....even though I understand why you would chose not to put someone your are dating as a friend, they will know too much and that would not work to his advantage...am I correct with this? He also has a friend who is a girl that I have meet twice that keeps telling me "hes not the marrying type" and "you are not marrying him"; even though I have not brought up marriage at all to him or her. I dont understand why she is says this stuff? In my opinion I dont understand why someone keeps stringing another along like this...he says "I almost called you last night, but you said you had a long day ahead at work", He goes on vacation and comes back and says"I missed you"; maybe he just missed the "sex"....yes? I know this sounds a little wierd, but could my comments like "long day at work" or "I am busy" hinder this situation...Career wise I am more successful, He is also in financial trouble which I am not....his house was foreclosed on and I have a beautiful home. Does insecurity in a person cause them to act this way....no he is just playing me for the fool. I am new to this but I can say it sure does help to get it off your chest and hear the opinionso of others.
boogieboy Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 Thanks for your responses! You are both right to some degree. I need to stop initiating our conversations via text/phone and see where it goes, I just have been afraid to get the answer that I think I will get....that there is nothing between us. One thing that just started bothering me is that when we were gone he was sending FaceBook Posts; however will not be my friend which tells me he is hiding his life from me....even though I understand why you would chose not to put someone your are dating as a friend, they will know too much and that would not work to his advantage...am I correct with this? He also has a friend who is a girl that I have meet twice that keeps telling me "hes not the marrying type" and "you are not marrying him"; even though I have not brought up marriage at all to him or her. I dont understand why she is says this stuff? In my opinion I dont understand why someone keeps stringing another along like this...he says "I almost called you last night, but you said you had a long day ahead at work", He goes on vacation and comes back and says"I missed you"; maybe he just missed the "sex"....yes? I know this sounds a little wierd, but could my comments like "long day at work" or "I am busy" hinder this situation...Career wise I am more successful, He is also in financial trouble which I am not....his house was foreclosed on and I have a beautiful home. Does insecurity in a person cause them to act this way....no he is just playing me for the fool. I am new to this but I can say it sure does help to get it off your chest and hear the opinionso of others. When his own friend is cockblocking him, theres trouble. She could want him for herself too. When he said "i almost called you last night" he just didnt want to call you and turned it around to make it your fault. See how that works? He can only string you along if YOU let him.
Author JoJola Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 Alright i took all of the advice you two gave me; here is the update! Last Week i did not text/call or anything; Friday night i kept my self busy so I would not call him. Saturday I went out to the lake with my friends..bam he sent me a text at 3:00 pm; i was not able to answer until around 9 when we got done boating....oh boy! He was texting me while I was driving home and I could not reply ... when I got home he sent me a text "Where the **** ya at" and when I replied i just got home he sent me another one "Oh was wonderin why it took you so long to respond", then came another text "I wont bother you if your busy" (it was after midnight..hello) ..then he called me and just wanted to talk bout stuff....I told him I needed to get to bed and then bam on Sunday...the text really start coming on how he misses me..he needs to see me....and wants to come over. So since my kids were gone he came over. So now, its Wednesday and the messages are still coming in...yesterday it was about 20 of them total..all day until i went to bed at 11:00 pm. This morning, i already have two....so what ya all think? Did my not communicating make him nervous...i just dont get it.........should i still be on the defesive; what game is he playin now?
Author JoJola Posted September 20, 2009 Author Posted September 20, 2009 I have put this out here....can anyone please give me some advice on this post..
Rylle Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 I personally would be very turned off by all this game playing. Why don't you just have a conversation with him and ask him what the deal is?
Author JoJola Posted September 20, 2009 Author Posted September 20, 2009 Well, at this point I am and should but for some reason cant....I guess for me I dont fall for a man like this and dont really know how to handle it. I dont want to be push him away but guess need to on with it. I still would like to know what this type of behavior means...ya know, its weird.
tkgirl Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 yep.. it sounds like he was definitely comfortable letting you do all the work... now that you backed off a bit he is chasing you again. It's a stupid game but unfortunately that's how it works sometimes... now it's up to you to decide how long you want to play this with him. Alright i took all of the advice you two gave me; here is the update! Last Week i did not text/call or anything; Friday night i kept my self busy so I would not call him. Saturday I went out to the lake with my friends..bam he sent me a text at 3:00 pm; i was not able to answer until around 9 when we got done boating....oh boy! He was texting me while I was driving home and I could not reply ... when I got home he sent me a text "Where the **** ya at" and when I replied i just got home he sent me another one "Oh was wonderin why it took you so long to respond", then came another text "I wont bother you if your busy" (it was after midnight..hello) ..then he called me and just wanted to talk bout stuff....I told him I needed to get to bed and then bam on Sunday...the text really start coming on how he misses me..he needs to see me....and wants to come over. So since my kids were gone he came over. So now, its Wednesday and the messages are still coming in...yesterday it was about 20 of them total..all day until i went to bed at 11:00 pm. This morning, i already have two....so what ya all think? Did my not communicating make him nervous...i just dont get it.........should i still be on the defesive; what game is he playin now?
Rylle Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 No, it's not weird behavior. It's pretty textbook game playing behavior. He's a chaser. I'm a big fan of honesty. Unless you're interested in rollercoasters, being on edge, and wondering wth is up with this guy, just tell him straight up what you want or what you're looking for or that you're not a fan of his behavior or that you wanna know what he's thinking or what you two are or what's going on...whatever it appropriate for your situation.
Author JoJola Posted September 20, 2009 Author Posted September 20, 2009 Ok, guys I think I am in on the gettin the honest answer tomorrow....I know what needs to be done and should do it...Since I dont play these types of games it is hard for me to believe that people actually do this at the expense of others feelins. I will continue to update as I go along...I know he has a friend from out of town staying with him tonight, do you all think it would be wrong to send him a message asking to get together tomorrow?
Rylle Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 Well I'm sure he's not thinking "gee, how can I f*ck with her mind and emotions now." It's something they just do. I wouldn't try to have any kind of serious/relationship conversation with him while he's entertaining. Wait, and good luck
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