NopeNah Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 So..My ex came begging for a second chance a little over a month ago,after a 4 month split (5yr realationship). She left me for another guy..anyways.. We were seeing each other quite often, staying at each other's places,going out regularly,pretty much a couple again. The problem was.. she hadn't changed ONE BIT! She is still the same controlling,selfish,high-strung person she's always been. So, after a nice dinner last night we go back to her place to spend the night. We get to the front door and I just say "I can't do this anymore, it feels fake and forced to me". She goes on about how she's "tried to do everything she can but, she also feels it feels forced on her part due to the comfort that she feels when with me". That would be the selfish part of her. Not only does she not love me like that anymore, she's willing to waste my time in seeing if she can find that love with me again?(my words not hers)... I'm not feeling any sadness nor anger this go round..I'm just glad I ended it when I did as not to waste anymore time on someone I was never meant to be with. I wish her well and am now moving forward again in my life down a different road. For those of you "praying" for that second chance...Take a step back and look at the big picture of your lives now, and how you see them in the future. Is that ex you're pining for really who you think they are? I know when the heartbreaks fresh it's hard to see the faults your ex had that also lead to them breaking up with you. Whether it be things they did that made you react in a not so good light...or.. general hangups you just couldn't stand about them..Life's too short to be wanting to be with someone who's thoughts and minds are looking for reasons not to be with you..Let them go and find their own happiness while you do the same!
Karmababe Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 Thanks for sharing. I left my husband 5 months ago .. after 26 years. He is calling and trying to get me to connect with him again - says he still loves me and wants to try again. He can certainly act like a perfect gentleman now. I left for a reason - same issue, very selfish and controlling man. He is a high strung and very anxious man - who always wanted to find something to worry about - my motto "get busy living or get busy dying" Dealing with the loneliness is tough, and I know it's a process .. but, in comparison I know this will end - I will heal. Going back to get hurt again is not an option at this point.
Author NopeNah Posted September 7, 2009 Author Posted September 7, 2009 Yea.. I think when we hope for a 2nd chance we forget what it is we actually will be getting with the return of the ex. I know that was the case with me. Once she came back I was a new person and she was the same. This also had me falling back into some of my old traits that I had all but removed from my life. I began putting her ahead of my friends and things that I wanted to do. It was all about her again..Glad I realized this as quick as I did. I started to notice this mid week and when the weekend got here, I did know this is NOT the life for me. She is not the person I want to be with. I'd rather be alone than to be with her.
Peanut9330 Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 I know what you mean, my ex is trying to get me back right now, and I always thought that when he came around again that I would take him back since he is the love of my life... WRONG I don’t want him back and he's pushing real hard to be with me, It's ironic how all along all we wait for is that second chance and when we finally get it its not as great as we thought it would be, but you know what they say if the ex chooses to come back it always when you have already moved on.
Beeotch Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 So..My ex came begging for a second chance a little over a month ago,after a 4 month split (5yr realationship). She left me for another guy..anyways.. We were seeing each other quite often, staying at each other's places,going out regularly,pretty much a couple again. The problem was.. she hadn't changed ONE BIT! She is still the same controlling,selfish,high-strung person she's always been. So, after a nice dinner last night we go back to her place to spend the night. We get to the front door and I just say "I can't do this anymore, it feels fake and forced to me". She goes on about how she's "tried to do everything she can but, she also feels it feels forced on her part due to the comfort that she feels when with me". That would be the selfish part of her. Not only does she not love me like that anymore, she's willing to waste my time in seeing if she can find that love with me again?(my words not hers)... I'm not feeling any sadness nor anger this go round..I'm just glad I ended it when I did as not to waste anymore time on someone I was never meant to be with. I wish her well and am now moving forward again in my life down a different road. For those of you "praying" for that second chance...Take a step back and look at the big picture of your lives now, and how you see them in the future. Is that ex you're pining for really who you think they are? I know when the heartbreaks fresh it's hard to see the faults your ex had that also lead to them breaking up with you. Whether it be things they did that made you react in a not so good light...or.. general hangups you just couldn't stand about them..Life's too short to be wanting to be with someone who's thoughts and minds are looking for reasons not to be with you..Let them go and find their own happiness while you do the same! Excellent and true post The more time that has passed the less and less I want my ex and the more I feel like some miraculous transformation from God in his life is the ONLY way we would ever be together again. And unless that occurs....I refuse to enter into a "second chance" that ruins all the progress I have made and am sure would have made in this future hypothetical scenario. I actually find a future with someone else to be more promising and sure and less scary than trying again with him...
Author NopeNah Posted September 10, 2009 Author Posted September 10, 2009 Excellent and true post The more time that has passed the less and less I want my ex and the more I feel like some miraculous transformation from God in his life is the ONLY way we would ever be together again. And unless that occurs....I refuse to enter into a "second chance" that ruins all the progress I have made and am sure would have made in this future hypothetical scenario. I actually find a future with someone else to be more promising and sure and less scary than trying again with him... Now if I could only get her to stop the texting/calling again..It must suck to get dumped!hmmm..wonder what that feels like? ohh...wait. at least she didn't find pictures of me with another girl and then I break it off(how she got caught)..That'd REALLY suck!
Beeotch Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 Now if I could only get her to stop the texting/calling again..It must suck to get dumped!hmmm..wonder what that feels like? ohh...wait. at least she didn't find pictures of me with another girl and then I break it off(how she got caught)..That'd REALLY suck! Haha...I won't laugh at her misery though lol.
Author NopeNah Posted September 10, 2009 Author Posted September 10, 2009 She still wants to "try" and I feel Almost bad about it, because I do love her and her son. It's just her I can't deal with day to day. I still plan on being there for her son. hell, he's called me twice today with just random school ??'s...sucks but, I can't live with his mom and hate that he has to. Don't get me wrong she provides a great home, top notch clothing,ect..but her support and understanding with anyone is lacking! I truly feel for him and love him like my own, i even have a great relationship with his dad!! I also have a daughter that is mine(full custody,previous marriage)..****ty situaton! I hope whoever she ends up with is BETTER than me with him..and treats him right..otherwise there WILL be problems as I consider him my own child.. It just sucks all around when kids are involved!
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