amymarieca Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 Hello everyone! I seem to be having trouble in the dating world lately. I never have a problem attracting a guy, but they always seem to lose interest in me too quickly. Before this never bothered me because I wasn't really looking for a relationship, but now I am more open to it so it does bother me now. I would like to know what are the factors that make men lose interest in a woman. Here's a bit about me so that it can help you give me advice more accurately. I am 28 years old, have had my share of serious and casual relationships, and don't carry a lot of emotional baggage and talk about my past. I am a teacher, so I have a good job and like to think I am smart enough to hold a good conversation. Most people think I am independent and strong. Physically, my face is attractive. I am a size 16 so I am a little overweight, but it all sits in a nice hour-glass shape. My personality I have been told is shy at first but then really fun. Sexually I've been told I am really good in bed. I've had an equal number of situations where I sleep with the guy right away and some where I wait. It doesn't seem to make a difference. The only thing that the guys I am dating have in common is ME, so it must be something I am doing wrong! Can anyone (particularly men) please give me some insight on this? I want the truth, even if it is something that I, or women in general, may not want to hear!
Hkizzle Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 Lol, I just started a thread about not chasing men. Are you initiating the contact and showing interest first?
monkey00 Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 How exactly are they losing interest? How many dates do you guys go on until you figure he's not that interested? Do you feel you're an interesting person?
Author amymarieca Posted September 7, 2009 Author Posted September 7, 2009 Lol, I just started a thread about not chasing men. Are you initiating the contact and showing interest first? No, I never chase men. I always get approached and asked out first and let them do all the initiating in the beginning. After a few dates I think it is okay to share the calling and asking out part.
Thaddeus Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 Some more background might be necessary: Do you ever approach, or do you pretty much wait for a man to approach you? Once you're starting to get involved, do you initiate contact, or expect him to initiate contact? Do you believe that it's up to a man to chase you? Are you drawn towards "bad boys"?
Author amymarieca Posted September 7, 2009 Author Posted September 7, 2009 How exactly are they losing interest? How many dates do you guys go on until you figure he's not that interested? Do you feel you're an interesting person? Usually after a few dates they just seem to disappear! I think I am interesting, but sometimes I need the other person to give me the conversation starter so that I have something to talk about.
Author amymarieca Posted September 7, 2009 Author Posted September 7, 2009 Some more background might be necessary: Do you ever approach, or do you pretty much wait for a man to approach you? Once you're starting to get involved, do you initiate contact, or expect him to initiate contact? Do you believe that it's up to a man to chase you? Are you drawn towards "bad boys"? - I hardly ever approach men and ask them out. The furthest I have gone in approaching a man is by asking him if he went to the same university as me to strike up a conversation. Occasionally, I will hold eye contact or smile if I think someone is attractive. - I almost always let him call first. I always respond if I am interested. After a few dates I share the initiating part. - I don't believe it is up to a man, I just hate rejection. - I don't think I am drawn to "bad boys", but my brother once told me I am attracted to very confident and over-opinionated men.
monkey00 Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 Usually after a few dates they just seem to disappear! I think I am interesting, but sometimes I need the other person to give me the conversation starter so that I have something to talk about. Ok, after a few dates they disappear. Do you make an effort to give them a call/text to show them that you're still interested? At least in that respect you would be leaving the ball in their court even if there's no reciprocation. Do the conversations flow or are there a lot of awkward silences? Personally I love it when women are able to think of good questions to ask me on dates and pick up the conversation again when it goes silent. Honestly it is a lot of pressure for the guy to always think of topics to discuss all the time.
Author amymarieca Posted September 7, 2009 Author Posted September 7, 2009 Where are you meeting these men? I've met men in many different places. Some examples are the bank, a bar, online, the subway, a mechanic who fixed my car, set ups through friends.
You'reasian Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 - I hardly ever approach men and ask them out. The furthest I have gone in approaching a man is by asking him if he went to the same university as me to strike up a conversation. Occasionally, I will hold eye contact or smile if I think someone is attractive. - I almost always let him call first. I always respond if I am interested. After a few dates I share the initiating part. - I don't believe it is up to a man, I just hate rejection. - I don't think I am drawn to "bad boys", but my brother once told me I am attracted to very confident and over-opinionated men. What do you hope to achieve through dating?
Author amymarieca Posted September 7, 2009 Author Posted September 7, 2009 Ok, after a few dates they disappear. Do you make an effort to give them a call/text to show them that you're still interested? At least in that respect you would be leaving the ball in their court even if there's no reciprocation. Do the conversations flow or are there a lot of awkward silences? Personally I love it when women are able to think of good questions to ask me on dates and pick up the conversation again when it goes silent. Honestly it is a lot of pressure for the guy to always think of topics to discuss all the time. Yes, if I like a guy I will make the effort to contact him. I always show I am interested when I am. Usually conversations are okay, but it depends on the person too. Sometimes there are awkward silences if the guy is shy. So what are some good questions to ask guys? What do they like sharing about themselves? I am terrible at thinking of good questions so maybe that is one of the things contributing to this situation.
westernxer Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 I've met men in many different places. Some examples are the bank, a bar, online, the subway, a mechanic who fixed my car, set ups through friends. Sounds like you're doing a good job of meeting them. It's just a matter of time, probably.
Hkizzle Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 It's going to be hard to pin point exactly what you're doing wrong without observing your behavior. I suggest you get a book called, why he didn't call you back. Explains some of the mistakes women make, and you might find you fit into one of the examples.
Author amymarieca Posted September 7, 2009 Author Posted September 7, 2009 What do you hope to achieve through dating? If I like someone, I want to get to know them beyond a few dates. I miss having a connection with someone and having a guy who will be there for me. It has been a while since my last serious relationship and I think I am ready to open myself up to the possibility of a boyfriend.
Author amymarieca Posted September 7, 2009 Author Posted September 7, 2009 It's going to be hard to pin point exactly what you're doing wrong without observing your behavior. I suggest you get a book called, why he didn't call you back. Explains some of the mistakes women make, and you might find you fit into one of the examples. I definitely understand that because you don't know me personally. I was just hoping to get some general ideas, or hear about some other examples where a man has lost interest in a woman.
monkey00 Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 Yes, if I like a guy I will make the effort to contact him. I always show I am interested when I am. Usually conversations are okay, but it depends on the person too. Sometimes there are awkward silences if the guy is shy. So what are some good questions to ask guys? What do they like sharing about themselves? I am terrible at thinking of good questions so maybe that is one of the things contributing to this situation. I don't think there's such a thing as a bad question/conversation topics. It pretty much falls down on taking an interest in their lives/interests/goals/hobbies/etc. At the end of the day attraction is a strange thing. How do you usually dress on a date? Let's talk about the physical here.
Author amymarieca Posted September 7, 2009 Author Posted September 7, 2009 I don't think there's such a thing as a bad question/conversation topics. It pretty much falls down on taking an interest in their lives/interests/goals/hobbies/etc. At the end of the day attraction is a strange thing. How do you usually dress on a date? Let's talk about the physical here. I always make an effort to look nice, and not just on the first date. I would say I look classy but not too conservative. I don't show tons of cleavage or wear short skirts.
Lizzie60 Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 Wow.. this could be sooo many things: Maybe.. bad breath.. for one.. is a huge turn-off for me (probably the biggest)... maybe they think you're out of their league, meaning you're too smart for them.. It could be soo many things.. Do you have a 'best' friend (female or male) that can give you an honest answer.. without YOU getting mad of course... sometimes a good friend can be the best bar-o-meter.. or maybe a family member (sister or even better.. a brother).. For us.. not knowing you in RL is almost impossible to say...
Lizzie60 Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 One question: we're talking about how many guys here?
Author amymarieca Posted September 7, 2009 Author Posted September 7, 2009 Wow.. this could be sooo many things: Maybe.. bad breath.. for one.. is a huge turn-off for me (probably the biggest)... maybe they think you're out of their league, meaning you're too smart for them.. It could be soo many things.. Do you have a 'best' friend (female or male) that can give you an honest answer.. without YOU getting mad of course... sometimes a good friend can be the best bar-o-meter.. or maybe a family member (sister or even better.. a brother).. For us.. not knowing you in RL is almost impossible to say... Yes, I agree it is difficult when you don't know me, but I was hoping for some general situations where it could happen. I'm pretty sure that a lot of my girlfriends won't tell me the truth. They always say that I am great. I want the truth even if it makes me cry! My brother gave me his opinion once. He thinks the guys that I date are overly confident and overly opinionated. He also thinks I have a very strong personality and won't take any crap from people. Could this be a factor?
You'reasian Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 If I like someone, I want to get to know them beyond a few dates. I miss having a connection with someone and having a guy who will be there for me. It has been a while since my last serious relationship and I think I am ready to open myself up to the possibility of a boyfriend. What does a connection feel like for you?
Author amymarieca Posted September 7, 2009 Author Posted September 7, 2009 One question: we're talking about how many guys here? I never really counted, but probably between 10 and 15.
Hkizzle Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 I definitely understand that because you don't know me personally. I was just hoping to get some general ideas, or hear about some other examples where a man has lost interest in a woman. Ok fine, I'll give you mine. But people out there don't judge me. Also, I'm not saying this is your case, it's just how I lose interest. Assuming I was initially interest, I lose interest if: 1) The girl is boring to talk to on a date and has nothing to say 2) She's immature 3) She's self centered 4) She doesn't like a lot of things in men that I know I have. Therefore I know we won't work out. 5) She's jumping the gun and talking about the seriousness side of relationships. 6) She's oozing insecurity 7) She talks too much 8) She has a really annoying laugh 9) I buy all dinner and all the drinks and she doesn't say thanks. I don't like feeling like I'm a cash machine 10) She doesn't come off as physically attractive as when I first met her.
Author amymarieca Posted September 7, 2009 Author Posted September 7, 2009 What does a connection feel like for you? Someone who shares the same beliefs and goals, easy to talk to, understands and appreciates who I am.
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