Chris21 Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 So during college I was out and dated a lot and through dating I met my now ex. We started dating in college and had a great times, we partied, we hung out and had quite nights. Well the time came where she graduated and I was still in school because my degree took longer to complete then hers. We decided to go long distance, we both had our reservations but thought why not, why give up because of the fear of the relationship going south. Well it didn't go south, in fact in worked incredibly well, I made time to always make the 6 hour drive to visit her every two weeks, she would come and see me as well but I preferred to go down and visit her, it made more logistical sense due to her work. We had our ruts but we always came out stronger, we were very honest with each other and had a very loving relationship. Well comes this past summer, I take the summer off so I can spend a lot of time with her, she was starting grad school which was closer to my school so the distance was shortened by a lot. I also am graduating soon so we were discussing myself moving to where her school was (I already have a job lined up) and be back in the same city. Things over summer went great until August, she got swept up in a lot of work as she started teaching a few classes and she was busy so we hit a rut. I went and visted her things were looking up. When I came back home she called me and told me she wasn't in love with me anymore and the relationship had lost it's charm, she stated she felt this way for about a month. I was so confused, we've had bigger ruts and a lot more issues in the past where we worked through it and things were better than ever, in fact when I last saw her things were looking up, we were having fun. I took it and I stopped contacting her after the night when she called me, she stated to call me once every 3 days or so just to small talk, sometimes I'd pick up, more times I would just ignore the call as it hurt to talk to her. The last time we spoke she said it'd be very nice that I would agree to see her, I said ok. We've been together for 2.5 years and a year of that was LDR, I don't know if I want to see her, I don't want to be heartbroken in person, when she called me I told her how I felt but that was the end of it, I never called her making desperate pleas and the few times we did talk we never discussed our relationship, this was hard but do-able over the phone, but I don't think I can keep it together if I see her thus my reservations, but I do want to see her, I have this little voice that says she may want to try again. arghhh what to do? lol Any thoughts or support appreciated, also great forum, I found it after the breakup and it's been great to read other peoples experiences and remind myself that I'm not alone.
adamt Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 At that age people can grow and change when you leave college . YOu can grow apart when in a LDR. If one person is having doubts it is hard to work things out in LDR. I would not rule out she might be interested in someone else. I've come out of a 3 year LDR where we see each other at weekends. Unless both people are committed it can start to feel a chore for 1 person to sacrifice their weekend social life and have to plan things around the weekends. My ex lost the feelings and she dragged it on for a few montns I think you need to focus on yourself and get busy and build up a circle of friends where you live. Give her space and see if she misses you and changes her mind. Women rarely change their mind especially if they have been thinking about it for while. I woul dnot contact her if you can. I know how hard it is as i have been there and still getting over my ex 3 months on
Author Chris21 Posted September 8, 2009 Author Posted September 8, 2009 Yeah I'm staying busy, it's my last year at uni for an engineering degree, I work out 2 days a week and have an almost full time job. I just don't know about seeing her, I'm dying to see her and was really excited when she said she would love to see me but then I thought if she just wants to hang out as best friends I can't do that, it'll be much but then I have this nagging thought that maybe she wants to work things out. Either way, until the meeting I'm not calling her just keeping up the NC.
Author Chris21 Posted September 11, 2009 Author Posted September 11, 2009 Well an update; Well she continued calling and then one night I decided I'm going to take more control, while speaking to her on the phone I asked her what the deal was, I told her how I felt and my plans for us that she knew about. She said she wished she knew how serious I felt about the relationship and that I should've told her because it would've changed her mind. Well that night I was aggreviated, I couldn't sleep so I woke up in the morning, went to class, and drove down there to make a stand. During the entire break up period I held my breath, and didn't want to say anything, I just listened to her talk about everything. I drove because I wanted to tell her in person what she did was a mistake, I've made mistakes in the past getting sucked into work too much but I was a good person and if she doesn't want to work things out then she will be losing out not I. I needed the personal closure. So I make the 4 hour drive, I call her and tell her I drove and wanted to talk to her, frankly I just wanted to say my piece and leave, the driving wasn't an issue but it had to be done in person. Well I told her, she said she was dating someone else and I told her that's fine that I can leave I just wanted to let her know that she was wrong, I was dedicated (enough to buy a ring which I got in July, and was waiting for the right time, but I didn't tell her this, she doesn't know about it), and we can still build a strong foundation. She said no, she is only dating one guy for one week 2 hours away, I responded with I understand. She told me to stay and go to the gym with her (she was on the way to the gym when we talked) so I did, kinda weird lol after giving an emotional talk like that. We work out, I go upstairs and meet her roommates and change (I always have extra clothes in my car due to my work) and she tells me to stay the night. I couldn't say no, it was almost like being back in a relationship with her although a lot more laughs a lot more talks and no real physical contact. She told me to sleep in bed with her instead of the air mattress and she came on to me. I left the following morning, I don't know what to think. She told me she is still very attracted to me, I was a great boyfriend. I got home and she messaged me on AIM and made some small talk, and I haven't spoken to her since. She still said she wanted to see me next weekend (like originally planned). I don't know what happened, I feel like she is getting the support and attention that she would get out of me without being a real boyfriend. I know I shouldn't of drove there probably but it's done. What are your thoughts?
logitech Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 Yeah it seems like she is giving you the slow release, much like what I am going through at the moment...
Author Chris21 Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 Well more of an update, I saw on facebook about some new pictures of my ex with a guy she is dating, just a few questions of them cuddling, it was absolutely heart breaking especially since I was speaking to a mutual friend and she told me that the guy she is dating is someone she tutored at her job over summer. It clicked, I've met the guy before, she introduced me into him and referred to me as a friend and not her boyfriend, I let it slide since she doesn't like to involve private life into her work. Jesus what happened to the woman I thought I knew. She ended up calling me yesterday and I picked up, she wanted to inquire about my facebook pictures (I went out on my birthday this weekend with friends and just to have a good time), I don't she liked them (I have a few female friends she was never comfortable with me hanging out with. I didn't bring up her pictures, she asked if I was still going to visit her this weekend, I said I don't know but I know in my heart I want to visit her more than anything in the world but she is dating, why is she still wanting to see me, what is the motive. Another thing that kills me, he lives in miami so she is switching out a long distance relationship with me for one with him who is roughly the same distance away. Just a little over a month over the break-up and now I'm stuck, she spent the first 2 weeks calling me all the time, met this guy now calls less but still wants to see me.
Author Chris21 Posted September 17, 2009 Author Posted September 17, 2009 Well last update, I spoke with her yesterday she called and told me she was in a new relationship with a guy she just met, so she's in a relationship, took her 2 weeks. I got pissed that she just hoped right into another relationship and she didn't know why I was angry, well I'm done with her Just don't like being replaced so quickly
adamt Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 unfriend and block her on facebook if you havent already. you dont want to be getting updates and pciture about her
Author Chris21 Posted October 3, 2009 Author Posted October 3, 2009 So I took the advice and just went NC. I've been going out with friends, met a few girls (one who is now a stalker but that is a story for another thread lol) and the other girl I'm dating. Not looking for anything serious just having some female company. So after about a week and a half of NC. She messages me, and now it's a daily occurrence, she is messaging me asking advice for school, and picking fights with me about me going out to clubs, and cooking, like really petty stuff but I'm working on cutting her out of my life. Apparently she is getting upset because I'm doing things that I didn't when I was going out with her *rollseyes* I can stop myself from calling her very easy, but when she contacts me it's a little harder but I'm getting there. Thanks to this community for giving me some advice through this tough time.
adamt Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 SOunds like you are heading in the right direction. Don't respond to her. If you end up speaking to her by accident then just ak her why she keeps contacting you. the less you speak to here the quicker you will move on. It bloody hard. i'm on 4 months of NC, not heard from my ex but get urges to contact her and just catch up as if it is the old times. But in the bigger picture i am moving on. the important bit is to resist contacting her when you feel you are having a bad day.
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