SoVeryConfused Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 I have been married for five years and have two young children together. We have been living in separate households for the last 18 months. He went back into the military after we had both gotten out. We originallly moved with him but he was deployed so frequently that I ended up taking the kids back home near our families. This turned out to be a great thing for the kids and myself. I almost left him before the first deployment because of all the screaming and name calling. I ended up staying and trying to work it out. After the first deployment he came back and things were even worse. When he returned he was jumpy with our daughter, mean almost like he was picking on her. I told him he made me feel like I had to protect our children from him. I was upset also because he had been lying about a lot of little stuff and wouldn't admit the truth until he backed into a corner. I almost left again. A month or two after this I ended up moving back home, not separating but going where the kids and I could have people around. I almost left him before his second deployment. He came home to visit with us and all he wanted to do was scream, call names, and pick. I didn't separate from him, I thought I would wait to until his contract ended and we could try to work on things together. The first thing our daughter remembered was about how Daddy was screaming at Mommy because her little brother was crying in the middle of the night while Mommy was cleaning his nose out. After the second deployment things just went back to the same old miserable stuff. He is jumpy with the children, makes me afraid to leave them with him. The last time he came home I wouldn't shut the bathroom door to take a shower because I was worried and I heard him scream at our daughter because she asked him for a glass of water. I was told to shut up when I interupted this rant. He came home that time for her birthday. I feel disgust when I think of him now. We were once close friends with a great relationship. I told him last week that I was done with him. He went from screaming at me calling me names and all of my family/friends names because it has to be their fault that our marriage is failing to we can work this out. That is another big issue, everything that happens is always something or somebody else's fault. I am confident at times that I am making the right decision, because I cannot imagine things being okay when he gets out. It is going to be worse, for me and the kids. I worry though because he is there father. I know you shouldn't just stay together for the kids, the kids know their parents are unhappy. I am hoping to get advice from people who are not involved in the relationship. Maybe see a different perspective.
TaraMaiden Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 I think you need to report this to some authority within the military, because if he is showing signs of stress, it could be a lot more than mere battle fatigue. A soldier who cannot control his temper, is a dangerous one to have around. And distance yourself, for the sake of the children. Toxic and highly dangerous, if you ask me.
overseas2004 Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 sorry that you didnt get too much advice so far. I am going through a similar situation. You can read my post, sold my stuff on ebay on the marriage and cohabitation post. I have a 16 month old daughter and I threw my husband out last week. He was also nasty, screaming, lying and the works. All I can say to you is that I decided to NOT expose my daughter to this and I promised myself that I would not allow her to remember him this way. So before she develops a memory, I got rid of him. I dont know what the future will bring, but surely it wont bring her growing up and being yelled at or watching us fight. I have a friend who does that and her children are messed up. I truly believe that this is for the best and I acted accordingly. I can not tell you what you should do. That is your decision. But clearly you can see what I chose. Whatever you decide, you must do it out of conviction that you are doing what is best for your children. So make up your mind and act. Do it fast though. No reason to sit around undecided and let too much time pass by.
Author SoVeryConfused Posted September 8, 2009 Author Posted September 8, 2009 Thank you very much for the advice! It is nice to know that I am not the only one.
overseas2004 Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 Be strong, and if you ever need to talk, just send me a note with your email or whatever. we can exchange mails and help each other get through this!!!
soheartbroken Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 His behaviour sounds terrible. How does he feel about individual counseling for himself? Has it been brought up? I hope I don't come across on these threads as suggesting that counseling can solve all problems - far from it. I'm just concerned that he has every opportunity to change before things are truly over. Although he sounds borderline abusive, in which case it may be too late for more chances.
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