Kells Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 Hi Everyone, As you can see this is my first post. I have been looking around these forums for the last few weeks and usually that will mean only one thing. I would really appreciate any guidance and comments. I am 45 and have been married for over 20 years, we dated for 5 years before that so over 25 years in total. We have two children, 13 and 15 years old. Over the 12 - 18 month our relationship has gone somewhat downhill. Not any affairs or physical stuff. Rowing over usually silly little things. I have read many of the other posts and I think some of could have been posted by me, the signs etc, My wife has been moody, going out with other friends, going to the gym, loosing weight etc. In July she went away on holiday with her mother, sister and our two children. She was away for three weeks in USA, a couple of days after she came back from the holiday she hit me with the bombshell... "It's over, I just don't love you anymore, etc etc and we need to break up" She told me she had been feeling like this for a while. I also found out at this point that she had started up an email and text relationship with an old school friend and the content of the emails was quite explicit. He does live a long way from us and she said she had not physically met up. I do believe her on this point. Is this what is called an emotional affair ? My mother in law thinks my wife is having some kind of crisis. I don't know and don't want to tell her she wouldn't like it. Anyway, she has agreed to give it anther chance and we are trying to work it out. We have had no arguments, sex is much better, we seem to be getting along better, and we have been out for lunch a few times and out socially with other friends. It is now around three weeks since agreeing to give it a second chance. My problem is that she still says she doesn't love me etc. Reading these forums have not really given me much hope, most relationships seem to still crash and I haven't seen many successes. The three week holiday was pretty much a NC time, although I was talking with the kids regularly. My concern is that she has really made her mind up and even after 25 years together she won't be able to change it back. I am trying to give her some space etc but feel we should do more things together, hobbies etc, dates, lunch... Many years ago I moved to the area that my wife is from, leaving my own family hundreds of miles away. The only friends I have are couples where we are both friends and when one of the "group" split up it was the guy who got left in the cold. So I really do worry about being left completely alone. As you can probably tell I'm pretty mixed up at the moment. My emotions are all over the place. Can anyone offer any assistance regarding what I should and could be doing and is there still any hope ? Can time heal these kind of relationship issues and are there any successes out there, I think I read about two on the whole forums. How can I save this ? Mother in law says "well she's still there with you" does that really mean anything or is she just waiting, ramble.... ramble, sorry... Kind Regards Kells
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