xpaperxcutx Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 I'm going through celibacy right now ( haha! imagine that) so if there were any chances of me even wanting to go on a date or get into a relationship at this point in my life, how do I avoid having sexual intercourse? If I am in a relationship, I don't want it to be based on the amount of sex that will occur. I'm open to the idea of having the relationship build on a foundation of equal interests and respect. We can have similar hobbies and activities like biking around the city, or go on romantic dates in the park. But overall, there will no sex, and no seeing each other naked. No bjs either. Even at night while we're sleeping in the same bed, there can no touching that will lead to sex. What are the chances of a celibate relationship if I go around telling guys that want to date me that I will not put out? How many would say they have no problem with a 100% sexless relationship? P.S. I wrote this half- jokingly but at the same time a serious response would be much appreciated.
boogieboy Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 No chance in hell. You tell guys youre celibate with no touching from the beginning, and the only ones that will stick with you are the guys that are seeing other women that they are having sex with. Celibacy will not make your relationships better, only better judgment of characters will.
colosseum Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 No chance in hell. You tell guys youre celibate with no touching from the beginning, and the only ones that will stick with you are the guys that are seeing other women that they are having sex with. Celibacy will not make your relationships better, only better judgment of characters will. Generally speaking, yeah. Especially the no touching thing. You'd have better chance with touching, but even then I think it'd be tough. I'm in such a quandary myself right now (as the male) and I'm...well, call me what you want, but starting to lose a little patience. Then again, I've always been a bit impatient.
Green Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 I would have still dated my gf if she refused to have sex with me. She did have sex with me. But if she had refused and told me she was celibate it wouldn't have changed the fact that I found her so damn hot. so if some guy finds you so damn hot it won't matter if your mouth is saying no no no... he will wait. And of course I love my gf for so much more then just the sex, but damn its great to bend her over and just give it to her.
caramel c Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 The chances are great that the relationship will work out without sex if the love is real and true. Even in my relationships that did not work out, the fact that we did not have sex was not a factor in the breakup.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted September 7, 2009 Author Posted September 7, 2009 The only reason I thought about a relationship without sex is because I honestly never had one. Maybe it'll be less pressure to perform well in bed, who knows? And Green, I just realized you're KMT....
Citizen Erased Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 I would have still dated my gf if she refused to have sex with me. She did have sex with me. But if she had refused and told me she was celibate it wouldn't have changed the fact that I found her so damn hot. so if some guy finds you so damn hot it won't matter if your mouth is saying no no no... he will wait. And of course I love my gf for so much more then just the sex, but damn its great to bend her over and just give it to her. And that's coming from the HMA.
kizik Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 That's what your gay guy friends are for... thilly.
dreamergrl Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 How long would this no sex no touching be going on? When would you allow things to progress? I can see waiting to have sex - up to a point. But no touching at all? You're looking for a friend, not a boyfriend then.
Hkizzle Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 No it's not 0% at all. It's 100% if you find a 70 yr old who can't get it up anymore.
EmmaLou Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 I was with my boyfriend for 8 months before we had sex, and we're far closer because of it. I was a virgin with vaginismus, try and say that after a few vodkas heehee... We did touch, have lots of affection and do oral. I might be an exception though, my partner (23) got all his testosterone fueled promiscuity out when he was very young, so it wasn't an impossible task for him. I also think it would be harder for a guy with you, because you're perfectly healthy but choosing to not touch and be intimate. So he would know everything's fine, and might become resentful that you're denying something so natural. I do like your idea though... if only more men would go for it, as it was amazing for us to have a relationship not based on sex, and we got to know each other really well and fell in love. The sex was worth waiting for, and was as hot as it wouldn't been in those first passionate throes of dating.
Scottdmw Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 It depends on the guy. I personally believe that relationships are better when they don't start with sex, that the longer you wait the better off you are. I have had relationships where we both fell completely in love with each other without ever going past kissing and making out. So, I can tell you from personal experience that it is definitely possible. I think it's a good idea because if you do fall in love with someone that way you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you love the person for themselves and they love you for yourself, not for the physical experiences you bring to the table. Put another way, you both know for sure that you are not using each other. Then if you end up for example getting married and having sex after, the bonding that will happen will make your relationship all the better instead of being the actual foundation for the relationship. If on the other hand you have sex on the third date, it is a biochemical strong likelihood that you will fall in love with the person whether they are right for you in any other way or not. That is just how hormones work. At that point you will have no idea whether you love the person for themselves or not, and if you turn out to be a bad match for each other it will be much more painful to break up. People will say you have to “try it before you buy it” and such things, but I think that is nothing more than a rationalization. In my life I have had several relationships, some of which did lead all the way to sex, and I can say again from personal experience that I have never once had anything approaching a “problem” occur when the sex finally did come around. I have never once found that the person was somehow incompatible or that we couldn't have fun together, nor have I ever heard of this happening in the absense of bigger relationship problems. Scott
Lizzie60 Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 If it's for a long-term basis .. no chance at all.. If it's for a couple of months.. I don't see why not.. but why would anyone want a relationship without the sex..that doesn't make sense to me..
Thaddeus Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 Aside from the obvious caveats (illness, distance, etc): No sex = no relationship. Full stop.
Kamille Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 Even at night while we're sleeping in the same bed, there can no touching that will lead to sex. ah but see, here's the trick. Don't get in bed with a guy until you know you want to have sex with him. And, for that matter, keep your dating out of yours or his apartment until you know that 1) he knows you want to wait and agrees to it or 2) You know you will be entirely comfortable having sex with him. It took me awhile to figure that one out, but it has simplified my dating life so much, you wouldn't believe it. I just don't like getting in bed with a guy and then spending the rest of the night trying to fight off the rising hormones: his and mine. The only reason I thought about a relationship without sex is because I honestly never had one. Maybe it'll be less pressure to perform well in bed, who knows? Pressure??? Don't sleep with a guy until you feel comfortable enough with him that you know you can both laugh at whatever mishaps are bound to happen when two people have sex for the first time (I totally gave one of my exes a blue-eye once). And wait until you know your relationship is based on something other then sexual performance. There will still be a desire to please, but it won't be pressure to perform. And Green, I just realized you're KMT.... REALLY???? I was wondering where KMT went! Goodness, Green, if you are KMT, so happy to know you're happy in love :bunny:. Sure, I had a crush on you and your pizza making skills, but I can accept that our romance was always impossible .
Green Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 The name is Green now. And Kamiles advice is pretty good. In the end you can't have the same type of relationship without sex. Unless I was some religouse guy who planed to be married by the end of the year, then it just wouldn't work. Sure you you could date a girl a couple of months to a year with out sex but eventualy unless it was specificaly your plan to wait till mariage then the sex would need to come
boogieboy Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 At the end of the day, or year, its all about the characters you chose to be with. Sex does not get in the way of a deep meaningful relationship. Youre creating unnecessary obstacles by going celibate, instead of concentrating on finding guys that are truly into who you are. Instead of going celibate, just try and get out there more, and be a lil more selective. Bottom line, if you feel a guy isnt really into you from the beginning, your instinct is probably right, and you must drop him.
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