colosseum Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 I'm going to bear it all. I'm not a bad guy...probably just young and stupid. I like my girlfriend a lot. She's a virgin, I'm not. We've pretty much done everything but sex, but she doesn't feel ready yet. She is afraid that she might feel really bad not saving sex for marriage. She says she's open to the possibility of sex, but has not decided whether she wants to wait for marriage or not. I'm not ready for marriage. 1. How important/difficult was it for you to have sex and lose your virginity? Personally, I only thought: "Wow, okay, I guess it's happening. Cool." 2. In other words, what do I do? I don't think pushing the issue is going to work, much less ethically right. That said, it'd be great if I could stop getting blue balls...Do I just cut ties or wait? And if so, how long?
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 Everyone's definition of sex being somewhat different, could you explain what she WON'T do? Because I did a lot of stuff outside of intercourse. But refused to have intercourse until it was the right person. Meaning I did oral and anal...yes, I'm sorry peeps, I did. I don't consider either to be as intimate and bonding as intercourse. But I can't say I wasn't "having sex." I was. So will she not do ANYTHING involving genitals (I guess is the easiest way to put it)? 1) It had to be with the "right" person. I had been raised to not do ANY kind of sex outside of marriage. I obviously didn't do what I was "supposed" to, but I waited for intercourse until it was with the man I was sure I would marry (and yes - he was the one I married). 2) It sounds to me like she does NOT want to do anything before marriage, but is making it sound like she could be convinced so she doesn't lose you. I think she knows if she laid down the law and told you absolutely not, you'd cut and run. So why don't you do her a favor? Cut and run now. You're not going to change her mind. I've been in her shoes as far as not wanting to go past a certain point and my xbf at the time thinking he could talk me into it. He thought he was super-smooth, too. LOL I wasn't wishy-washy about it, though - I told him straight-up I wouldn't do it.
EricaH329 Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 That said, it'd be great if I could stop getting blue balls...Do I just cut ties or wait? And if so, how long? From what it sounds like to me, you want to be in a relationship with a girl that is willing to have sex with you. If this girl isn't important enough to you to wait until she's ready, then I wouldn't waste anymore of her time. Everyone is different. Some girls hold their virginity until they feel like they have found the right person to give it up to, while others don't really care. I think that if sex with you is a must have, and are willing to break up with a girl if she doesn't give it to you, then maybe you should find someone that's already lost their virginity.
Author colosseum Posted September 7, 2009 Author Posted September 7, 2009 Everyone's definition of sex being somewhat different, could you explain what she WON'T do? Well, tbh I'm exaggerating. We haven't had any type of sex whatsoever--no oral, anal, nothing. Hence my blue balls. It sounds to me like she does NOT want to do anything before marriage, but is making it sound like she could be convinced so she doesn't lose you. I think she knows if she laid down the law and told you absolutely not, you'd cut and run. So why don't you do her a favor? Cut and run now. Argh, yeah that's what I'm afraid she's doing. I'm not a 100%, but she is being very vague about it. She's saying things like she just doesn't know, hasn't decided (whether sex is before marriage or not), and is not ready yet. She also asked why I was in a hurry--to which I replied why the wait. (which I don't know if it was a dick move since I don't know how women think about their first time). He thought he was super-smooth, too. LOL I wasn't wishy-washy about it, though - I told him straight-up I wouldn't do it. Any way I can find out if she's actually uncertain or just saying that?
Author colosseum Posted September 7, 2009 Author Posted September 7, 2009 Oh and the worst part is, when it's heated I can tell her body just wants it so badly! You know how that can be! But of course I'd rather air on the side of not raping her lol.
Green Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 Seriously dude just be honest with the girl. I once dated a girl who wanted to wait until mariage before having sex. Me and this girl dated on and off for about a year. And we finaly did end up having some sex. Just be honest with her, tell her you really want to have sex. I think personaly its up to her to break up with you if your telling her you want sex and your not going to wait for mariage. With the girl I was dating who was a virgin and waiting for mariage we just got naked togather, and then from there I asked if I could just rub her there, and then finaly I just flat out said it was stupid and we should just have sex and it worked. I was just honest, any time she said she wanted to wait for mariage I would counter with I don't. We almost broke up a few times, and eventualy did break up. Look just be honest with the girl and what happens, happens. The only thing you could do wrong in this situation is pressure her, or lie to her in a way of tricking her you are going to get married
Jersey Shortie Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 Green, I don't really understand your post becaue you say they worse thing he could is pressure her or trick her, and I agree, but you clearly pressured and manipulated your girlfriend into sex despite what she had told you what she wanted. You used her at her most vunerable moment when her guard was down, to your own personal advantage. I am sorry but that is completely wrong. I use to have a boyfriend that would always try to get me to say something during sex. Something personal. And he did it because he was trying to manipulate me at my most vunerable. OP, if she is unsure about wanting to have sex or not, that is it, end of story. She has already told you what she needs from the relationship with you. If you find that your needs to have sex are more important then her needs to not have it at the moment, then you really need to find a new girlfriend. Please do not preasure her or make her feel bad for her choices. Please do not conjole her or use a time when she is very vunerable with you, I.E being intimate, to preasure her into sex. Loosing my virginty was a big deal to me. I waited longer then most girls my age do. And I resented men that I dated that wanted to push me past my comfort zone or that whined about my personal life choices. Respect her choice. You can either remain with her or leave her. But you need to respect her choice.
Green Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 Green, I don't really understand your post becaue you say they worse thing he could is pressure her or trick her, and I agree, but you clearly pressured and manipulated your girlfriend into sex despite what she had told you what she wanted. When I say he shouldn't pressure or trick his gf i mean it in a certain way. Like he shouldn't tell her he plans on marrying her or saying he loves her just to get her to sleep with him as the main goal. I was honest with the girl I dated and she broke up with me. Then she decided to go back out with me, and we ended up having sex. I wanted to have sex and if that was pressure so be it. I never made her believe we were engaged or that I loved her. So what I think this guy should do is just be honest the way I was, and if this girl dumps him then she dumps him. If the girl freels pressured by his honesty and has sex with him then so be it. I personaly don't believe in waiting until mariage, and when I was single girls who did either changed their tune or broke it off with me.
Jersey Shortie Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 When I say he shouldn't pressure or trick his gf i mean it in a certain way. But certain tricks and pressurings are okay? Sorry. Manipulation is manipulation. Preasuring and tricks are presuring and tricks. Then she decided to go back out with me, and we ended up having sex. You ended up having sex you said because you used her most vunerable position to your advangtage. You said: With the girl I was dating who was a virgin and waiting for mariage we just got naked togather, and then from there I asked if I could just rub her there, and then finaly I just flat out said it was stupid and we should just have sex and it worked. Clearly she has a mind of her own but the fact remains that what you did was a form of maniuplation. One doesn't have to lie for it to be manipulation and I think it's completely wrong and messed up. She has already stated what she wants out of the relationship. Trying to maniuplate a girl into something else is wrong and underhanded. It doesn't matter if you never made her believe you were engaged or loved her. You still maniuplated. That isn't honesty. That's a power play. Some girls are strong enough to withstand it, and others aren't because they tend to be more romantic then men. I am sorry but I find that so sceevy and wrong.
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