dreamticket Posted September 6, 2009 Posted September 6, 2009 i have always noticed that my girlfriend is on facebook a lot - and whenever she leaves the room she always ensures she is logged off. Ive often thought maybe she doesnt trust me and thinks i will look through her messages - it also mkes me wonder what is actually on there i.e has she something to hide? I dont think she does but........ a message appeared on her wall last friday saying "hey sexy, what are you up to?" this kinda upset me and i dont think its appropriate. I imediately rang my GF and she laughed and said its the husband of one of her old friends who is a bit strange and was probably drunk! she said the guy is fat and not particularly attractive and that i really shouldnt worry. please help - this is bugging me! should i be worried?
loveslife Posted September 6, 2009 Posted September 6, 2009 Don't be worried unless you have another reason to be suspicious. People write all sorts of weird stuff on each other's walls.
boogieboy Posted September 6, 2009 Posted September 6, 2009 Dont be jealous over such trivial crap or else it will show, and you will lose her. If she becomes more secretive, then start the P.I. work.
Green Posted September 6, 2009 Posted September 6, 2009 i have always noticed that my girlfriend is on facebook a lot - and whenever she leaves the room she always ensures she is logged off. Ive often thought maybe she doesnt trust me and thinks i will look through her messages - it also mkes me wonder what is actually on there i.e has she something to hide? I dont think she does but........ a message appeared on her wall last friday saying "hey sexy, what are you up to?" this kinda upset me and i dont think its appropriate. I imediately rang my GF and she laughed and said its the husband of one of her old friends who is a bit strange and was probably drunk! she said the guy is fat and not particularly attractive and that i really shouldnt worry. please help - this is bugging me! should i be worried? Damn straight you should be worried. Seriously I'd be pissed if some guy wrote this on my gf's wall. Look dude play it cool and just say " It would mean alot to me if you just deleted the post". if some girl wrote how sexy you were on your wall and it was out there she wouldnt be laughing
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 Where there is smoke, there is fire. Her lying went into overkill - all designed to throw you off the track: husband, old friend, strange, drunk, not attractive, fat... she may as well have said that he was gay and a hunchback as well. I used to do stuff like this all the time. It is called a smokescreen - it is designed for you to think that there is no way she would be involved with someone like that. Good liars don't go overboard like she did though. That is one of the most transparent lies I've seen. You want the truth? Tell her that you need to know you can trust her, and ask her to open her facebook page for you *right at that moment* in front of you so that you can put your fears to rest. She'll balk, and get angry with you for 'violating her privacy', etc. They all do when they are on the brink of getting busted. If she lets you with no question, and gives you full access - then you'll know she was above board. But... I somehow doubt it will go that way.
Hkizzle Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 Stop scaring the crap out of him guys, haha. I write crap like "hey babe" or "hey sexy" on my friend's walls or in messages quite often. It's a subtle way to compliment someone, and like the OP said only initiate by strange people like her friend's husband or people like me, haha. It's a good thing she laughed as well, that's a sign it's innocent. If she tried to find excuses and was nervous that's worrisome.
Hkizzle Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 She'll balk, and get angry with you for 'violating her privacy', etc. They all do when they are on the brink of getting busted. You'll be surprised, so would normal people. Normal people that are not cheating, don't take it well when they are accused of cheating. It means the other person doesn't trust them and are highly insecure.
Brady_to_Moss Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 I write that sometimes on my friends wall..just as a joke..dont worry its just FB
2sunny Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 i have married friends and i don't write messages like that to them - they don't write them to me. we have friendships based on respect. something is off - her cover up seems to indicate suspicion. i would totally be thinking something is not legit.
runner Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 if something was truly going on i doubt they would allude to it at all, nevermind facebook. and what exactly is the big deal if she cares to log off ? i don't make it a point to give out my email passwords to girls i'm seeing either. just because you're in a relationship with someone doesn't automatically grant you ownership of their life. but if you really are worried about something--something from the gut--there's probably something else you haven't posted here.
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 There's only one way to know for sure...
xpaperxcutx Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 if something was truly going on i doubt they would allude to it at all, nevermind facebook. and what exactly is the big deal if she cares to log off ? i don't make it a point to give out my email passwords to girls i'm seeing either. just because you're in a relationship with someone doesn't automatically grant you ownership of their life. but if you really are worried about something--something from the gut--there's probably something else you haven't posted here. This is one the things that makes a relationship annoying. Everyone feels they're entitled to their SO's secrets and passwords, whether it's FB, or Myspace, and god forbid their LS account. Why make such a big deal out of worrying over a message that had no other significance other than a friendly greeting. The internet is abound with these types of messages throughout, not to mention people text these messages all the time. It does not automatically mean they're cheating on you. Honestly what's next? You're going to start wondering why she password locked her cell phone? Respect your gf's privacy. You're lucky she didn't blew a gasket because you were going through her comments and wall messages.
MeadowGlitter Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 i have always noticed that my girlfriend is on facebook a lot - and whenever she leaves the room she always ensures she is logged off. Ive often thought maybe she doesnt trust me and thinks i will look through her messages - it also mkes me wonder what is actually on there i.e has she something to hide? I dont think she does but........ a message appeared on her wall last friday saying "hey sexy, what are you up to?" this kinda upset me and i dont think its appropriate. I imediately rang my GF and she laughed and said its the husband of one of her old friends who is a bit strange and was probably drunk! she said the guy is fat and not particularly attractive and that i really shouldnt worry. please help - this is bugging me! should i be worried? Was that it?
Author dreamticket Posted September 7, 2009 Author Posted September 7, 2009 Thanks everyone! That seems to be about 8 votes to 4 in favour of staying chilled about it all! If i can just explain a bit more... I dont actually think there is anything happening, i believe my GF is faithful and we are strong. Facebook though, is just one area of our relationship that really pisses me off and i feel kinda undermines our relationship creating instability. She is on it a lot and im fine with her having her private world / space and i wouldnt dream of violating that! xpaperxcutz - i was only on her wall to look at our holiday photos she had posted. What gets to me is how it is all so out of the blue - hadnt heard of this guy before, we've been together ten months, why does he suddenly post this message supposedly unprompted? The small picture there is of him certainly suggests he's not the most obviously attractive guy around! But my GF says he is her best friend's husband - my question is: "how does her friend feel about her husband posting 'hey sexy' on a friend's wall?" there are no comments from janine (her friend) on my gf's wall so why the sudden appearance from this guy? just to end what grates also a little is that back in july a girlfriend of mine put something on MY wall about 'looking good' - i deleted it as i didnt want it to make my GF uncomfortable. Yet 'hey sexy' remains! Just spoke to her about it again this morning and she got stroppy - saying i should get over it and that now she's explained it i was unreasonable for mentioning it a second time! she said again that because he is the stupidest most unattractive guy its ridiculous to even discuss it still unsure and actually leaves me wanting to break up with her today - not because i think she's cheating, but simply because the whole facebook thing has just created this uncertainty and as a result i cant relax and therefore cant be happy. Maybe i need to find a girl who isnt so into facebook and perhaps has more discerning friends! Wow 7am - this could be a big day, i feel clear in my head, gonna end it this afternoon!
xpaperxcutx Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 So you're breaking up with her over Facebook? You might as well just go ahead and file a lawsuit against FB next for the demise of your relationship.
MeadowGlitter Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 Why are you making this such a huge deal if she is faithful? It's just a message on the wall!! I have friends I haven't met in years posting on my wall now and then. I was dating someone at the time and he was ok with it. If you were thinking of breaking up the relationship with her because of this, I actually think it's a good idea. Let her be free of your silly suspicions.
Hkizzle Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 still unsure and actually leaves me wanting to break up with her today - not because i think she's cheating, but simply because the whole facebook thing has just created this uncertainty and as a result i cant relax and therefore cant be happy. Maybe i need to find a girl who isnt so into facebook and perhaps has more discerning friends! Wow 7am - this could be a big day, i feel clear in my head, gonna end it this afternoon! So after all this...........it was selfish love all along. You're highly insecure and can't be happy. Get a grip, and good luck finding a lasting relationship. Since one comment on FB made you a nervous wreck remember to chain your next GF to the bed post when you go to work in the morning.
Confusedalways Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 I am a very private person and always delete my internet history and log off facebook on any computer, my boyfriends or not. That means jack. I hope she finds someone better than you because you're obviously extremely insecure.
New Again Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 I agree that one huge problem with facebook is that somehow, someway, it has made most people feel incredibly comfortable publicly flirting with anyone and everyone. I rarely get messages from guys that say things like "hey sexy" - and when I do, or if a guy writes a comment that is at all suggestive or does not properly portray the actual relationship we have - I delete it. Reason being - 1. I don't have many guy friends, by choice and 2. I don't tend to flirt. Therefore people don't think it's appropriate to flirt with me. However, there are always those people who don't "get" my boundaries; hence the deleting of messages. I do this when I'm single AND when I'm in a relationship. The reason being I want to come across a certain way (not as a flirt and not as someone who needs a lot of attention from the opposite sex), because I want to respect bfs, people I'm dating, and so on, and because I don't want to scare off potential dates/bfs when they see comments making them think I might be seeing someone else. That's just me. MOST PEOPLE DON'T DO THIS. Sorry to say, but you're going to have to get used to it, or find someone else who has similar feelings regarding facebook as you do.
jeepchick Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 I agree that one huge problem with facebook is that somehow, someway, it has made most people feel incredibly comfortable publicly flirting with anyone and everyone. I rarely get messages from guys that say things like "hey sexy" - and when I do, or if a guy writes a comment that is at all suggestive or does not properly portray the actual relationship we have - I delete it. Reason being - 1. I don't have many guy friends, by choice and 2. I don't tend to flirt. Therefore people don't think it's appropriate to flirt with me. However, there are always those people who don't "get" my boundaries; hence the deleting of messages. I do this when I'm single AND when I'm in a relationship. The reason being I want to come across a certain way (not as a flirt and not as someone who needs a lot of attention from the opposite sex), because I want to respect bfs, people I'm dating, and so on, and because I don't want to scare off potential dates/bfs when they see comments making them think I might be seeing someone else. That's just me. MOST PEOPLE DON'T DO THIS. Sorry to say, but you're going to have to get used to it, or find someone else who has similar feelings regarding facebook as you do. I completely agree with this. I have guys friend me that I haven't talked to in years and they will post something along the lines of "hey sexy how have you been, blah blah" and while it's nice to hear from old friends, I delete wall posts that I know will make people (like my boyfriend) uncomfortable. It's just a respect thing.
pittman Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 I hate Facebook, my girlfriend which were having major trust issues right now, was on there all the time, lots of guys would talk to her and comment and her photos, saying stuff like your gf was, it started off with harmless flirting, then turned into "i miss you" "lets hang out" , then turned out to a drunken kiss at the bar! i was like the wtf! , now shes staying at her moms place and wants me back, willing to get rid of Facebook and msn forever. I would'nt end things with her but I'd keep an eye out if i was you.
seoa Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 it's been said a few times, but i'm just gonna add mine in... go ahead & break up with her, and find yourself a nice girl who has no friends or outside interests... nothing for you to get jealous about... if it wasn't facebook, it would be something else... if you're young, you have a chance to grow out of this... if you're late-20s or older, you need to look at this, because otherwise you will sabotage relationships with any woman who has normal, healthy friendships in her life... (and my ex's brother used to start IM chats with "hey sexy" - and he's happily married with kids... it's just a nice way to say "hi" - i'd be happy for his wife or my bf to see those conversations... for people with self-confidence it's nothing to be jealous about...!)
Absolutely Curtains Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 it's been said a few times, but i'm just gonna add mine in... go ahead & break up with her, and find yourself a nice girl who has no friends or outside interests... nothing for you to get jealous about... if it wasn't facebook, it would be something else... if you're young, you have a chance to grow out of this... if you're late-20s or older, you need to look at this, because otherwise you will sabotage relationships with any woman who has normal, healthy friendships in her life... (and my ex's brother used to start IM chats with "hey sexy" - and he's happily married with kids... it's just a nice way to say "hi" - i'd be happy for his wife or my bf to see those conversations... for people with self-confidence it's nothing to be jealous about...!) He's probably happily married because his wife doesn't know he greets everyone with "hey sexy." It's about RESPECT.
Absolutely Curtains Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 I hate Facebook, my girlfriend which were having major trust issues right now, was on there all the time, lots of guys would talk to her and comment and her photos, saying stuff like your gf was, it started off with harmless flirting, then turned into "i miss you" "lets hang out" , then turned out to a drunken kiss at the bar! i was like the wtf! , now shes staying at her moms place and wants me back, willing to get rid of Facebook and msn forever. I would'nt end things with her but I'd keep an eye out if i was you. Facebook had nothing to do with your gf's behavior. Facebook did not make her into a cheater or a flirt. She already was one. Facebook is just how she got caught.
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