aussiegirl66 Posted September 12, 2009 Posted September 12, 2009 Victory ~ I am trying my hardest to let it be. Today has been especially hard. I have had many moments where I reach for the phone. However, I am not going to give him another chance to reject me. In the course of talking about this with him prior to moving forward with the friendship and then the A, I asked him for one thing only: if there came a point in all this that he couldn't do it anymore (be friends or lovers), that he let me know. Not to just disappear from my life. He knew this and he knows why this matters so much to me. And yet that is what it looks like he has done. I am tired of crying. I am tired of using what little emotional energy I have left wondering instead of knowing and dealing with it. There is so much more that would be useful to all who are trying to help, but I am hesitant to reveal more as I do not ever want to be identified. Please tell me how all of you got through it, if you have. Please tell me that I will as well. sacrificed - OMG, my heart goes out to you, I really feel for the pain you are going through, as I am going through it too. Regarding you saying to him about not disappearing - you took the words out of my mouth girl as that is exactly what I said to my xMM too! What some of the posters are saying on here is harsh, but unfortunately, is only the truth. However, I do feel you deserve some respect and sympathy as you are hurting so bad and I understand your longing and frustration completely. I believe you are doing the right thing by Not Contacting him, so please continue NC with every might of your being. Just remember too that while you love him, he does not deserve your adulation, he is not perfect by any stretch of the imagination and in time, you would see more of his faults emerge, which may take the edge off any longing you have for him. That is the problem I think - because they cut us off completely, because they starve us for affection and attention, we are left with this fantasy of them about what could have been, which only feeds our initial fantasy and which only results in compounding our pain. In my way of thinking, if only they communicated with us, if only they allowed us to get to know them better, then we would not think of them so much, they would become closer to what our spouses are. I know this makes their actions seem all the more cruel, but it is just the way it is. The only other consolation I can offer is that it is hard to believe, but time will heal you (and me). I am and will be thinking of you. AG.
frannie Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 In the course of talking about this with him prior to moving forward with the friendship and then the A, I asked him for one thing only: if there came a point in all this that he couldn't do it anymore (be friends or lovers), that he let me know. Not to just disappear from my life. He knew this and he knows why this matters so much to me. And yet that is what it looks like he has done. My MM was a part of my childhood, he and a few other friends were what I looked forward to every day during school. My home life was awful and they were my shelter, so to speak. Without them and him I don't know that I would have made it into my teens with my sanity intact. Hello sacrificed It's not hard to see why you're hurting so much from all this. This person was someone who got you through hard times when you were younger, and for whatever reason you turned to recently. And he's let you down terribly by doing something cruel in abandoning you. I don't think it matters what the circumstances are or whether you should or shouldn't have been seeing him anyway - that isn't going to take away the pain. In fact it might only add to it, since you are feeling that your feelings are unjustified. Well, I don't think they are. Of course you're going to feel upset about it.
MizzBlue72 Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 I am not sure about the tone here either. I am new here so maybe this is normal? I have not posted a TON on this site, but I can say that from the posts I have read, a lot of the replies are down right mean. I can see where posters are trying to make a point, but ... come on. I wish you luck -- in whatever decision you make.
lkjh Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 ok this is going to be a mean post but it needs to be said. You really need to stop with the victim mentality. According to your original post you have things that most people are trying so hard to get( a great SO) but because you view only the bad parts of your life(trouble childhood and so on) you do very selfish cruel things(cheating). You are not the victim here, your H is. People who pity themselves when they do bad things tend to live a life of misery never realizing how great they have it. You need to become strong, and you really need to confess. If you don't you will be on these forums for years to come trying to "understand" your situation. You need to tell your H, if you don't you will continue living a lie that will never resolve itself. Doing the right thing is hard, especially when you are use to taking the easy way out. But if in the end you want to become a better person you need to take these hard first steps.
eddie_d_2000 Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 I have just recently been on your husbands end of this sacrificed. My wife had an affair and I found out through much investigation and she has finally came clean with everything. We have sat down many times and discussed everything that she did on a particular weekend with said man and it has greatly helped me get through this. The main piece of advice I have for you to heal things between you and your husband is HONESTY. If it bothers your conscience, you need to get it out there, it won't be pretty but if your husband truly loves you he will do whatever he can to make this work out if you are willing to change. I have first-hand experience in this, I wish you the best of luck.
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