JJ1983 Posted September 6, 2009 Posted September 6, 2009 ok here goes, I met this girl on a dating sight exactly a year ago. Aug 2008. We never met, but we spoke several time via phone and instant message. We were suppose to meet, but she ended up cancelling on me. We still spoke a few times after that and then completelty lost touch. We both agreed that we had a lot in common. 5 months go by. No communication with her. Out of the blue, she IM's me. I was shocked. We started talking full force again, then ended up going out for drinks.After that, we spoke like everyy other night on the phone and she would text me just saying hi. She had alot of family issues and would call me late at night to talk to me about them. This made me feel close to her. Then all of a sudden, she becomes a little flaky. Didnt return my text messages and phone call. Like 2 days go by and I finally ask her whats the deal. She tells me that its the worst time in her life and cant committ herself to a guy at the moment. She said between her family issues and wanting to go to law school, she doesnt feel she has the time like she thought she did. A couple of weeks go by without communication. I hit her up and we start talking casually. She ends up coming to a bar mitsvah as my date and even to a family party with me and meets my whole family. She tells me she loves my family and that she feels our families would get along great. She still tells me shes not ready for a relationship but insinuates that theres a good chance we will be together when the time is right. Whats the deal????
TaraMaiden Posted September 6, 2009 Posted September 6, 2009 Ever heard of the "Mr Commitmentphobe"....? This young lady sounds precisely like the female version.... everything but you is taking priority. Whilst there may be some justification in her mind for focussing on one thing at a time - there are plenty of people in this world who find it a relatively easy thing to multi-task... I would tell her you're going to get on with your life and enjoy yourself, and that when she's ready and free, to give you a call to see whether you're still available.... Does she truly expect you too hang around waiting in the wings until she's ready to say - "Right ok, now that's over, where were we.... 5 years ago?" If she's not into you now - she never will be. If she were, you'd be more than aware of it.....
loveslife Posted September 6, 2009 Posted September 6, 2009 OMG, don't walk but run to the nearest exit. My first feeling is that she's using you as a backup. When there's someone else around she disappears. She leans on you but doesn't want a romance. "Maybe someday." She's not good enough for you. I know you're emotionally invested but I tink you deserve so much better.
Author JJ1983 Posted September 6, 2009 Author Posted September 6, 2009 yeah but she came out of her way to meet my family. doesnt that mean anything??
loveslife Posted September 6, 2009 Posted September 6, 2009 Why does it mean everything to you?... Listen, she's doing classic commitment-phobe, player behavior. She's giving you just enough hope for a relationship to keep you dangling. People make the mistake of falling in love with potential. You know this is not right or you wouldn't be posting here.
Author JJ1983 Posted September 6, 2009 Author Posted September 6, 2009 then tell me why would she waste her time unless shes a total mental case. Meeting my family?? who would do that if they werent interested?
loveslife Posted September 6, 2009 Posted September 6, 2009 then tell me why would she waste her time unless shes a total mental case. Meeting my family?? who would do that if they werent interested? Fine, then wait for her.
TaraMaiden Posted September 6, 2009 Posted September 6, 2009 You're not getting it. Nobody's said she's not interested... What we're saying is that she's nowhere interested enough. She likes you enough to keep you dangling, but not enough to keep her serious.
Author JJ1983 Posted September 6, 2009 Author Posted September 6, 2009 seriously, unless shes a nut job, why would a girl go out of her way to bring a gift and drive 3 hours to a family party to meet my family???
TaraMaiden Posted September 6, 2009 Posted September 6, 2009 BECAUSE - SHE - KNOWS - SHE - HAS - YOU - EXACTLY - WHERE - SHE - WANTS - YOU. let me ask you... if she was really 'interested' wouldn't she say to you, "I'd love to have a relationship with you and have it develop and grow. I'm going to go to Law school, and with all the crap I'm going through at the moment, I'd love you to be there to support me...." Instead, she said - and these are your words - She tells me that its the worst time in her life and cant committ herself to a guy at the moment. She said between her family issues and wanting to go to law school, she doesnt feel she has the time like she thought she did. At the moment. And if she goes to law school, this 'moment' is going to last 4 years. She wants you to hang around until she's ready for you. Which of course means that the both of you will not date other people, won't go out with other people, won't have sex with other people, because 'any moment now' you might perhaps, maybe, possibly, get together. Who knows?
Author JJ1983 Posted September 6, 2009 Author Posted September 6, 2009 well your wrong because she did in fact say to me that we will be there for eachother and she said she does want something to develop
loveslife Posted September 6, 2009 Posted September 6, 2009 well your wrong because she did in fact say to me that we will be there for eachother and she said she does want something to develop So there's no problem then. Awesome! Live long and prosper.
TaraMaiden Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 well your wrong because she did in fact say to me that we will be there for eachother and she said she does want something to develop Oh, yes, we guessed that by what you didn't say.... Right, well then, what's your problem, exactly?
Jersey Shortie Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 seriously, unless shes a nut job, why would a girl go out of her way to bring a gift and drive 3 hours to a family party to meet my family??? Because she likes you but lacks the maturity to at the moment, want to make a full on commitment to you. She might possibly want to in the future. But then again, she might not. What I suggest is getting out there and dating other women. If she doesn't make you a priority, don't make her one. She might come to you. She might now. But at least you won't be sitting around waiting for her to ahve all the control. Sometimes, people want to experience life before the commit. Men and women..or girls and boys..depending on the case.
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