4givrnt4gtr Posted September 6, 2009 Posted September 6, 2009 I went to study with my sister today to my old school's library. I keep forgetting im not with my bf anymore. FOr the past month we had been long distance, so im used to text him random stuff throughout the day. Well today I walked into the library which is new. He went to the same school, we graduated years ago and met there but didnt get together til last year. In any case I walked in and looked around, saw how beautiful it was and reached for my phone to text him about how gorgeous it was...and then i remembered. Later on i was talking to my sister, telling her about a restaurant he had taken me to a while back. She asked me what it was called and I told her i didnt remember but I would ask him....and again i remembered. Later she told me of a restuarant she went to and how it was great, my first thought was "we should totally go there when he visits" and i remembered. I just cant handle my heart breaking over and over again like this. We had a great relationship, but he said the distance was too hard on him. He had told me he didnt think he could do it before he left but wanted to try anyway. I know that if he loved me he would have been able to. Just the same, thinking about how we were, thinking of the picture of us in the living room of his family home, thinking of all the things we planned to do....this wasnt supposed to happen. it wasnt an " i hate you' break up at all. I know we really care about each other but the timing just isnt right. Or maybe im delusional. regardless we said goodbye wishing each other the best. I told him to make sure he finds someone who appreciates what an amazing man he is. I could barely say it....but i meant it. He said the same to me, and thanked me for everything i had given him. Im having a hard time accepting this. Im having a hard time letting go of the hope that maybe, someday, a few years down the road we'll meet again. Actually most people that know us say the same. They knew how good our relationship was and say that if its meant to be we will meet again. I know its not healthy to think like this, but i cant help it. My sister told me to be thankful for having had such a great relationship and having met an amazing man. But honestly, I wish i hadnt. Its easier to live not knowing what you could have than having had it and lose it like this. I know ill get thru this...but God the day i can say im fine ill be amazed at my own resiliance. its 4am and cant stop crying......i hate this. im not sure why im posting. i guess im just ranting. Earlier i typed a chat to him, telling him how i felt, how much i miss him, how much i hate this. I even said i hated him for doing this to me. I was fine without him. I was fine not knowing there was someone like him out there. Now i had to live without him. Now i am left behind to deal with it. ofcourse i didnt send it... ughhh ok, sorry for the random post. Im just in so much pain i dont really know what else to do.
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