How about questions for the men

[samsungxoxo]

any that us women would like to ask about them.. Ok so men always questions us about certain things ''Oh why does she play these games'' so and so... Now our turn... Anything any of us would like to know about them mysterious beings??

 

Guess I can start with.... ''Why do some of you men like boosting about your sex life and adding numbers to it esp. when talking to your mates, like it was a contest or something''??? I'm sure there are other things to talk about....

[Left in a Lurch]

Numbers don't come up much, just good sex stories with happy endings. It's something to talk and joke about, just like anything else.

[seibert253]

I never really discussed numbers with my FWW. We would talk in generalizations, but nothing specific.

 

She knows I was "the man" in college. I know, I know.

And I know she was pretty adventureous in her later teens, but we've never hidden anything from each other.

We never seemed to volunteer a whole lot of info, but were free and open when asked.

[Devil Inside]

Because our egos are tied to the notions that the more women you sleep with...the better man you are.

[sally4sara]

I have often wondered about something that has to do with guys and the numbers thing but not so much about seeking to inflate his number....

 

Why is it, the more sex partners a guy has equals the better a man he is but the women he "improved" himself with are diminished by the act of having sex with him? Like his penis has some disrespect disease he infects his partners with.

If he washes his penis better, will that help?

Example:

"She gave it up on the first date so I could never date her seriously."

 

Doesn't that make the guy disqualified for a serious relationship too?

 

OR

 

If a guy lies about his feeling for a girl and "dupes" her into sleeping with him, why does that still "improve" him as a man instead of lowering him since he had to lie to get laid? Any other situation, that would amount to fraud and we look down on people who commit fraud, but it still never seems to have that effect on the general opinion of his character. But if a woman lies and marries a guy for his money we generally think less of her? If a woman falls for a broke aimless guy we think less of her for her choice of not marrying for money at all. If she tells the truth and sleeps with a guy she doesn't love, we think less of her too. But none of these situations matter if the genders are reversed. Guy sleeps with rich girl, broke girl, girl he loves or not - we don't care so long as she is thin and he is getting laid?

 

Does not compute that people should care so much about the sex lives of others.

[MeadowGlitter]

I have a question for the men of LS :

 

Why do you confess your love for a woman when you're not ready to commit to her, or anyone else?

[carhill]

''Why do some of you men like boosting about your sex life and adding numbers to it esp. when talking to your mates, like it was a contest or something''???

When I hear that kind of talk, I think two things: 1. Little dick 2: Big ego

 

A real man doesn't speak of his intimacies. One sees his expertise and experience in his interactions with women.

 

I personally have never mentioned my 'numbers' to anyone male in real life, only to the women I've been emotionally or sexually intimate with. I don't see the point. I'm not f*cking men, in any sense of the word.

 

Why do you confess your love for a woman when you're not ready to commit to her, or anyone else?

That's easy. It's a method to get laid. A strategy. Perhaps the man sincerely feels he will 'fall in love' later and that sex will help him. Also, this strategy helps, along with sex, to bond the female to him. It's a psychological strategy borne of experience. Men are pragmatic. They do what works, even if it disagrees with society norm, morality or legal statute. Take a look at the gender demographic of prison populations (and, in the case of male prisoners, the women who love them) and you'll see what I mean.

 

 

Again, this is a behavior which I have never participated in. I don't believe in it. My pragmatism lies elsewhere...

[whirlygig]

" Men are pragmatic. They do what works, even if it disagrees with society norm, morality or legal statute. "

 

Would you say this pragmatic attitude is characteristic of most men? Say... men who have have admitted to cheating on their wives but say it was **only once** and all they did was kiss?

 

What are the statistical odds, do you male readers think, of such a declaration being true, in particular in men who become defensive when asked more questions along those lines?

[MeadowGlitter]

That's easy. It's a method to get laid. A strategy. Perhaps the man sincerely feels he will 'fall in love' later and that sex will help him. Also, this strategy helps, along with sex, to bond the female to him. It's a psychological strategy borne of experience. Men are pragmatic. They do what works, even if it disagrees with society norm, morality or legal statute. Take a look at the gender demographic of prison populations (and, in the case of male prisoners, the women who love them) and you'll see what I mean.

 

 

Again, this is a behavior which I have never participated in. I don't believe in it. My pragmatism lies elsewhere...

 

What if it was said long after he has gotten laid?

[carhill]

Would you say this pragmatic attitude is characteristic of most men? Say... men who have have admitted to cheating on their wives but say it was **only once** and all they did was kiss?

Yes. Bullshyte is a byproduct of pragmatism, mainly because it works. Truth is a lot harder; more painful. For all their bravado, many men are deathly afraid of being alone. I've heard it over and over again, mainly because I've spent most of my life alone and other men have commented on it.

 

What are the statistical odds, do you male readers think, of such a declaration being true, in particular in men who become defensive when asked more questions along those lines?

IMO, defensiveness is a psychological response to pain and shame, mainly the latter. By projecting negative emotions outward, the ego, especially in a compartmentalized male, can be preserved. Admitting a shameful truth damages the ego. The man is 'unsuccessful' and has failed to remain 'in control'. Ouch.

 

IME, in my marriage, the times I got defensive were the times I was wrong, dead wrong. I didn't own my truth.

 

Hope that helps

 

What if it (I love you) was said long after he has gotten laid?

 

It's a method of preserving the status quo. I've seen this behavior in women as well. Simple words, casually spoken, with marked and long-lasting emotional effect. I'm convinced, even in the absence of active methodology, that such conveyances are a subconscious method of preserving the dynamic of 'intimacy' for future consumption. For men, they are said to preserve sexual intimacy; for women, emotional intimacy. Keeps the other person 'on the hook'. Think about that

[whirlygig]

"IME, in my marriage, the times I got defensive were the times I was wrong, dead wrong. I didn't own my truth."

 

So a man who has told the truth and come clean is not very likely to continue going into defensive mode when the subject comes up? Because there would be nothing further to feel shame about?

[carhill]

IME, yes, once the truth was aired within MC, my whole mindset about such matters changed. I saw the value of owning one's truth and being responsible for one's words and decisions. The feeling of shame was replaced with one of ownership and responsibility and achievement. Acceptance

[Thaddeus]

"IME, in my marriage, the times I got defensive were the times I was wrong, dead wrong. I didn't own my truth."

 

So a man who has told the truth and come clean is not very likely to continue going into defensive mode when the subject comes up? Because there would be nothing further to feel shame about?

Well, if he figures that he's come clean with it and the issue has been put away, then he might be defensive and irritated if it's brought up again and again and again.

 

My ex-wife was famous for doing this. Frinstance, I bought her lilies once early in our marriage just because I thought she liked them. Turns out that lilies are often displayed at funerals. (I had no idea... really! )

 

I paid for that minor indiscretion pretty much every argument we had for about seven years.

 

Point is, if he's willing to admit to a mistake (whatever that mistake might be) and figures that once it's been discussed the door has been closed on it, of course he's going to get defensive and down right pissed off if it keeps getting thrown back in his face.

[MeadowGlitter]

Thanks, carhill. That's something to think about. Maybe I'll start my own thread regarding my situation soon. When I'm ready

[carhill]

The key is acceptance. Past actions and behaviors are shared, taken responsibility for and accepted as the past. Now is now.

 

When my wife subsequently brought up the past, I merely said I had already admitted my responsibility and accepted it and had moved on. What she was to do would be her choice. I said it in almost those exact words.

 

Personally, I've given up on convincing women to accept their responsibility. It's their choice. It's my choice whether or not their existence matters to me. Acceptance

[2.50 a gallon]

I can see no reason for a man inflating the number of sexual partners. Pillow talk, by the time this question is asked she already knows whether she has a winner or a loser. In fact I can see it being detrimental if the number is too high as she might see him as a player and began to question whether she wants to continue the relationship.

 

As to talking about it with my friends, none of their business, they are my friends, I do not need to prove anything.

 

Also, I would never break the confidentiality of what happened last night in the bedroom, that is between me and her. Talking about it to others is sure way to not have a repeat performance. Also if it is great who needs competition?

 

Sex on the first date, it didn't always happen, but the odd thing is that some of my long and deepest relationships, did include sex on the first date.

[Devil Inside]

I have a question for the men of LS :

 

Why do you confess your love for a woman when you're not ready to commit to her, or anyone else?

 

Personally I have not said those words too many times in my life. However if men are saying that and not ready to commit it is for a few reasons IMHO:

 

1. The do not equate commitment with love.

2. They know if they say that they may get sex.

3. They do love the woman, but are emotionally and developmentally stunted when it comes to commitment.

[MeadowGlitter]

Personally I have not said those words too many times in my life. However if men are saying that and not ready to commit it is for a few reasons IMHO:

 

1. The do not equate commitment with love.

2. They know if they say that they may get sex.

3. They do love the woman, but are emotionally and developmentally stunted when it comes to commitment.

 

I think that is more like it, Devil Inside. He would commit but seeing how some couples are around us, it scares him and I get that because I am the same way as well.

 

Most of his colleagues are married and for most part, a few of his friends' wife do not let them go out even though it is just a night out of playing pool at a nearby pub or do anything on their own. He feels that if that is what commitment is about then he doesn't want it. He's slowly seeing that I am nothing like that as I would like my own space and time to go out with my girlfriends.

 

It is quite difficult, at times trying to make him see that different couples have different ways of handling things/situations.

[carhill]

a few of his friends' wife do not let them go out even though it is just a night out of playing pool at a nearby pub or do anything on their own.

 

Whoa, time to find some new friends. I couldn't imagine being in a marriage like that. If you truly believe he is emotionally and developmentally stunted wrt commitment, can you not see the writing on the wall? Or, as is commonly the case, is the challenge to 'fix' him and thus take credit for his emotional 'success' at your hand? Think about that carefully.

[EsmerKiss7]

I got one, not sure if it goes along with the other questions already posted.. Why would a guy (knowing there's NSA) go through great lengths of wooing a girl, than once she starts feeling the same way back off and never call again?

 

For example, I was dating this guy for about idk 2 months and we really hit it off. We met at a "company event" and became inseparable after that, everything was awesome with this guy - we had so many things in common, had so much fun, had great intellectual conversations too, and laughed all kinds.

 

After about 2 weeks of hanging and all he starts telling me he has feelings for me and wants it to be more.. I really liked him, but we're in a career in which we move a lot (and am currently overseas) and he was scheduled to leave the next month, so I told him I felt the same but I think we should take it slow.. I've been in a few LDR's and hate them actually, I never wanted to do it again! He agreed and we decided to just go with the flow and see what happened.

 

So, we continue seeing each other every other day or so, and things start getting heavy.. I mean even though we said we'd go with the flow he still told me he really cared and wished I was his gf.. He told me he thought he loved me, which scared me at first because I didn’t think someone could love someone that quick, and I honestly didn’t feel that way. I mean I cared about him and had feelings but I wouldn’t say I “loved” him.

 

Although I'll admit I should've been stronger in my convictions and stuck with my gut, but I didn’t. I started falling for him and questioning whether it may work… I figured why not give him a chance he seems genuine enough and I knew that with time I would love him, I already had major feelings for him – it was kind of like signing the agreement in advance.

 

That's when the flaking started, we'd chat online and say he would come over but always have an excuse the night before or earlier that day.. Although we didn't see each other we still chatted online and talked about everything, we said we'd KIT and see where it went when I went on vacation (which is only a month from now) and when I finally returned home. I asked him what was up, and he told me he was just really busy and had all these things he needed to do before he left, which was reasonable. He said he would definitely try and see me before he was scheduled to leave.

 

Anyway, he continually flaked on me, I didn’t ask him to come over he would say he was than flake out. He did this like 6 or 7 times, I was pissed. I finally called him out and was like wtf? It seemed like he was doing it on purpose. He said he was sorry, and to give him a break, whatever. He also stated that why would it even matter when we're just going to see how it goes anyway...

 

He left about 2 weeks ago. He emailed me the night before he was to leave and said he missed me already and would email me again when he got home - and still hasn’t.

 

My point is that we both knew what was up in the first place and I told him from the get go it didn’t have to be all romance and sh**, I mean what we do it’s hardly our first priority. We both kind of just needed someone there that wasn’t our co-workers.. Anyway, he knew what was up but kept trying to make me believe he cared and see where he was coming from, and when I did he really just stopped altogether. I know he isn’t going to email me or talk to me again. I just don’t understand why he would go through all that trouble trying to convince me when I told him I didn’t need all that.

[suddinleesingle]

I want to know the answer to this one too. I had a similar experience. 6 months of wooing and making sure they fall in love just for them to walk away over something silly. I too from the door said love wasn't in the books..wasn't needed and just be truthful. I got none of that. I got game playing and a broken heart.

[GorillaTheater]

I can't answer any of the questions posed, but I've got the greatest-salsa-recipe-in-the-world, if anybody's interested.

[Thaddeus]

I can't answer any of the questions posed, but I've got the greatest-salsa-recipe-in-the-world, if anybody's interested.

Yes! Let's see it!

[GorillaTheater]

Yes! Let's see it!

 

For a quart:

 

4 or 5 very ripe tomatoes (boiled for a brief time)*

1/2 cup onions

1 clove garlic

1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro

1 habenero pepper*

1 or 2 serrano peppers*

1/2 tspn salt

1/4 tspn black pepper

 

Blend smooth. Store in fridge for at least 24 hours to allow flavors to blend.

[EsmerKiss7]

Mmm... That actually sounds really good.. lol, how "boiled" do the tomatoes need to be tho, like slightly mushy or something? I was always curious about that...