little android man Posted September 6, 2009 Posted September 6, 2009 alright so im having doubts about my relationship with my girl of over 1.5 years.. i love her to death but we fight so much.. and i'm not saying it's all her fault because it's sometimes things that i do but im only human i make mistakes... but most of the times it's stuff beyond my control and it's tedious.. i'm tired of it. i don't know what to do i want to make things better but i feel like neither me nor her are going to change much and if i wait any longer im just wasting my time.. and i've been trying to change and give her a chance to do the same for months but it doesnt seem to change. i just need some opinions on the situation.. i have a couple but i just really need to think about all of this from every perspective. i think i'm going to tell her i need a break so i can get my head straight.. and hopefully i come out of the break in a good way. I think it's worth noting that i go away to college next year and she stays home for another year until she goes. so this relationship is heading for disaster in multiple ways.. although i don't want it to be but it's unavoidable.
bluewolf17 Posted September 6, 2009 Posted September 6, 2009 Have you guys actually sat down and tried to talk about why the fighting might be happening? Try that first. More than likely..it's not stemming from what's going on at the moment, but somthing else that isn't being said.
Author little android man Posted September 6, 2009 Author Posted September 6, 2009 we did.. and i asked her why she insisted on fighting with me so much and she admitted to having emotional anger issues. i asked her to try and control them for me and she said shed try but couldn't make any promises because she doesn't know if she can control herself. this has been known about the anger problems for a while and i've tried to make them better by trying not to cause any trouble and being the sensible one at times but i mess up a lot.. and so does she. and since that talk nothing has changed.
Author little android man Posted September 6, 2009 Author Posted September 6, 2009 a lot of views but no help... please guys?
Thaddeus Posted September 6, 2009 Posted September 6, 2009 If she truly does have anger management issues, there's precious little you can do. Turning into a doormat just to keep the peace will do neither of you any good. (Not saying you'd do that, just that it's a danger in these types of situations.) You're not her therapist. She needs professional help.
Author little android man Posted September 6, 2009 Author Posted September 6, 2009 yeah i understand what you're saying. i'll admit i was using the doormat approach for a while and i know from experience now that does nothing and actually makes things much worse. but i don't think she's going to go to therapy.. heres why. she went before because her and her mom were having big problems, and she told me everytime she got back how much she hated it because she fealt like a freak, or not normal because she had to go to therapy to fixher problems.. and she stopped going because of that. neadless to say her and her mom still have problems.
missdependant Posted September 6, 2009 Posted September 6, 2009 Maybe you're spending too much time together. Distance makes the heart grow fonder.
Thaddeus Posted September 6, 2009 Posted September 6, 2009 Distance makes the heart grow fonder.Out of sight, out of mind. Look, LAM, you can't control what she does or thinks or how she is. All you can do is control your response to it. If she chooses to avoid therapy, that's her choice. Are you prepared to live with the consequences of someone who can't control their anger?
Author little android man Posted September 6, 2009 Author Posted September 6, 2009 Out of sight, out of mind. Look, LAM, you can't control what she does or thinks or how she is. All you can do is control your response to it. If she chooses to avoid therapy, that's her choice. Are you prepared to live with the consequences of someone who can't control their anger? I don't know.. that's what i'm trying to figure out. and maybe i am spending too much time with her.. there are definitely a few things that i'm going to try and do before i ask for this break. like spend less time with her, make her cherish the time she has with me instead of just getting mad because she knows she'll see me tomorrow or the next day. idk it just sucks because part of me is completely dwelling over all of these fights and is begging me to just end it so i can enjoy the single life my senior year and spend more time with friends and family before i leave, but the other part of me wants to forgive her every time we fight no matter what because i really do love her and sometimes the fighting is worth it, but sometimes it really isnt.
Author little android man Posted September 8, 2009 Author Posted September 8, 2009 Out of sight, out of mind. Look, LAM, you can't control what she does or thinks or how she is. All you can do is control your response to it. If she chooses to avoid therapy, that's her choice. Are you prepared to live with the consequences of someone who can't control their anger? I don't know.. that's what i'm trying to figure out. and maybe i am spending too much time with her.. there are definitely a few things that i'm going to try and do before i ask for this break. like spend less time with her, make her cherish the time she has with me instead of just getting mad because she knows she'll see me tomorrow or the next day. idk it just sucks because part of me is completely dwelling over all of these fights and is begging me to just end it so i can enjoy the single life my senior year and spend more time with friends and family before i leave, but the other part of me wants to forgive her every time we fight no matter what because i really do love her and sometimes the fighting is worth it, but sometimes it really isnt.
mytigerlily Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 If the relationship would not work and would only revolves into argument, cut it off. Do not waste your time. I f you feel that it is too much, then it is too much. Give yourself a chance..chance to relax,,,space....peace of mind...
Author little android man Posted September 10, 2009 Author Posted September 10, 2009 It's not that it wouldn't work and that it only revolves around arguments, but they occur so often that it's more than it should be. We just got into another fight.. and i told her i was done with the fighting and i needed a break to clear my head and collect my thoughts without the fighting to distract me. and she said no... like she isn't gong on a break and if i'm gonna break up with her just do it now. Obviously i'm not gonna end a 1.75 year relationship on impulse over the phone because of a fight... but what the **** do i say to that? i'm not sure if i want to break up with her, although it is one of the options i needed to go over with myself... but now i'm not going to be able to because she is going to distract me, and if we fight that's going to distract me, and just being together right now is a big distraction from myself to figure things out. i'm just at a loss at what to do right now. i don't want to do anything without thinking everything through to the fullest extent but it's like she's forcing me to half ass it.
Author little android man Posted September 11, 2009 Author Posted September 11, 2009 we are on a break now. i need to think about a lot of ****. still hoping for some feedback and different opinions..
Lauriebell82 Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 we are on a break now. i need to think about a lot of ****. still hoping for some feedback and different opinions.. Well maybe this is what you need. See if you are happier. I had this happen to a friend of mine, she was actually engaged though. She fought constantly with her fiance and neither of them could change. Finally they just both decided it wasn't working, as they were sick and tired of fighting with each other. Some people just aren't meant to be together as hard as that is.
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