From a break to a breakup...so many questions

[gordon_gc]

well, I've had a similar post in another section before realising there is a special section for breaks and breakup ! But I guess time has passed and I've gone through both stages and still ask myself questions.

 

THE BREAK.

 

Ok, i know most of you will say "you shouldn't care" "it's not relevent" ect ect but just thought i'd ask what is going throught the head of someone wh needs space.

 

Does that person actually care for the other person ? Does that person actually miss the other person ? ect...ect...

 

I'd be curious to hear from people who actually needed space, or have been required to give space.

 

THE BREAKUP

 

After a long time thinking of it, I've made the decision I wanna call it off (the relationship). I'm suffering too much from that whole game "let's create a communication breakdown BS". She wants her space and during that time, Im left with major emotional limbo. Obviously, she doesn't know what she wants and she needs to figure it out. Me being around is not gonna help her nor me and me being away from her while thinking we are still together is even worst.

 

I think I also need to figure out what i want. I realise i've been sorta 'the rebound guy' with her and we need to keep away from eachother for a bit. Maybe just the time to finally know what we both want. I'm pretty sure she wants to break up as well but doesn't wanna do it the hard way or she probably not even sure about the decision (well she is a girl after all ;-)

 

It's a hard decision and my problem now is that I feel I have to do this face to face more than by email, phone or text. Just because I have some decensy and respect to myself and what we lived together. Problem is that she might interpret my wish to see her as something bad (remember, she wants a break).

 

How do i get to meet to break up ? I just want to end it up so i can start healing. :-( Also, I've started experiencing major anxiaty attack when I start reconsidering about breaking up or not (even tho I know I need to). How do i cope with this ?

 

Thanks

[NopeNah]

So, she wanted a break and now you want to breakup? They're both the same thing to me. One's what's said before the other to "make it easier" but, am I getting this right? Since she wants a break you want to break up? If so, just go NC and give her nothing outta the gate!

[NopeNah]

I'd also bet she's got someone else lined up.

[adamt]

Good situation for the original dumper. They don't have to do the breaking up and they can walk away without any guilt. Personally i would not give them the satisfaction. Just go NC and get on with your life without contacting them.

[playlislay]

When I needed a break, it wasnt because I had someone else lined up or that I wanted to slowly break away to make breaking up with him easier. I had no intentions of finishing it with him......its hard to explain. I guess I needed time to sort my head out. It all stemmed down to infidelity on his part in the early months of the relationship.

 

Fast forward to 6 months, after a blissful 'indulge in each others company' summer, we had a school placement (trainee teachers). It meant that we went from full (nearly 7 days a week) contact to maybe 5 hours a week. He was in a school, full of women, so I guess I got scared at the thought of not knowing what he was up to etc. I got scared and confused, hence why I needed a break to get my head together. Really, I needed some counselling and extra reassurance from him.

 

The break, which lasted for 7 days, scared me. I couldnt bare the thought of living without him. I pushed aside my insecurities and stopped the break. As I said, I never had the intentions of breaking up with him.

 

But that was MY situation. Everyones reasons are different. Ive never had a break before that but I knew that my mind wasnt in a good place at the time. Infidelity is a hard, hard thing to get over. Infact I never got over it and we eventually split up 2 months after the break. All because my brain/body held onto what he had done and I was scared to lose this person that I loved so much, that it was torturing me.

 

I hope that helped????

[leap83]

Hey Gordon,

 

I don't think you should meet up with her. As I have mentioned in the previous thread, I was in a similar situation until I drew a line. I believe it's unfair for one person to take a break while the other is literally in limbo and can't say anything against it. It really doesn't matter whether they want to "sort their head out" or "you're suffocating me" - it's the same thing: A BREAK. So, instead of contacting her, I would suggest what one of the posters above suggested: go STRICT NC.

 

Right now, she thinks she can have you any time she wants to (selfish again). But if you go NC, she'll wonder what is up and why aren't you answering and she'll start to think about you. If she wants you, she'll keep contacting you until she gets a hold of you (or you might end up picking up the phone after a couple of weeks). If she doesn't, then you have already moved on, healed and ready to continue living normally. Don't bother contacting her - it'll just mess things up EVEN more (trust me, I tried doing this) and push her AWAY even more. You don't want that. You want to draw her in somehow, get her to be curious or totally end it. So, that is my advice to you. That is what I'm doing now.

 

I'm NOT saying it is easy to do something like this. I'm saying it makes perfect sense. She wants space. So give it to her. Hope that helped! Stay strong.

[mimiminx]

Totally agree. If someone asks for space or MAKES space between you, give them what they ask for. Simple. That's what happened to me, except there was no 'break'. If you can respect someone's wishes they will respect you.