A story of love which wasnt given a chance...now its over? help

[lalakerz]

My story is complicated...and long...but it happened in about 2 months....

 

I met this one girl, beautiful, smart, a virgin by the way (she is 20) , and we clicked in the first 7 seconds we saw each other the brother introduced me to her....she was in rome (where i live) for about 2 months, the family has been keeping her, literally, under captivity, without letting her see anything, or go out anywhere throughout her life... (she is from mexico, but lives in laredo, TX so culture also plays a part here...by the way i am also hispanic so i understand) ,the parents gave in to let her go study in greece..... the parents are divorced, the dad never really cared about her, except financially. This is one brilliant girl that wanted to come study abroad in a greek university. Things didnt work out in greece, she couldnt even start at the university, so she came back where the brother (my ex-best friend) lives, and studied italian for 2 months. ( so she can do something with herself for the semester lost)

In the end, the brother treated her like ****, made her do everything in the house, and she couldnt take it anymore....she left....got her own appartment,( first attempt of independence) and in the process of all this, we got to know each other, and we fell in love....or so i thought....The relationship started well, until a few days into getting to know each other the brother got really hostile....this guy always had a sort of envy for me, but i still accepted him as a friend...he is very close minded and very "mexican" for his things, he believes that a girl should marry someone young, and cook and clean for him...and thats fine, provided you are in your culture and you dont know anything else...but that wasnt the case with the sister...because she had been held in "captivity" and wants to study psychology, she knew better...she just had the opportunity to see it when she came here.....( i showed her many things, and taught her many things...and so did she to me)

 

The brother would call the mother to tell her its 10 o clock and that her sister wasnt home yet (although she moved out)...the mom would call back, upset as hell, telling her words that i rather not mention in this post....this continued throughout the 2 months, with calls from the father, the mother, and the ex-boyfriend (which by the way was going to marry her october 25th....but they broke up in JUNE...therefore the excuse of the parents was, it wasnt long enough time for her to forget...and the fact that the brother all of a sudden hated me and said lies to the parents about what we were doing) This problem got bigger and bigger and bigger, but at the same time the relationship was growing fonder and fonder, until the sexual thing came about....i am not a virgin, but she was...our sexual experience was great, she felt attached after that obviously because in her culture having sex is only after marriage.

(she is 20, i am 21)

 

Throughout these 2 months, the father threatened her with bringing her back in a week's time, but he gave in and let her stay until november 6th... and since the brother did not want her to be with me (who knows why!!) he told the father lies about me, prompting him to make decisions for her from now on....HE would choose what university she would attend, abroad, preferably far from italy. i tried speaking to the father, and he listened to me and thanked me for calling him...but that wasnt enough, the mother, a bitter lady, had the control over her life...the father only manages the money issue..(which he has a lot of) and the dad does what the mom thinks its best for her daughter...(not the case here!!)

 

November 6th, she left rome and went back to the U.S....we had been keeping in touch since, and i basically forced her to go to a psychologist so she can work her problems out (which she did end up going)

 

 

In the end, we were dealing with:

 

-a family that did not even want to get to know me but didnt want to give me a chance, because they believe the daughter has a dependency problem (by the way, she has been living with the mom...which pressures her and tells her things and tries to push her away from me)

 

-a mom that wants her daughter to get married ASAP with the ex-boyfriend (which by the way threatened to kill her (over the phone) or kill himself if she didnt go back with him..and that HE would forgive her...(he cheated on her over the summer a couple of months before getting married, and those things are unforgivable for her)

 

-a brilliant, generous and loving individual that accepted me and loved me for who i am, but couldnt deal with the fact that the family didnt approve of me and her decisions...

 

-an ex-best friend (the brother) that until today has been sabotaging me, and telling the mother that i have been going out with other girls here in rome

 

-a father who made her choose between going back to study in rome with the condition of having NO boyfriends,or staying in the mothers house at the university she attended in texas for a semester...(she doesnt want to stay in that house any longer, and she cannot adapt to the u.s anymore)

 

-I am going to study in palestine next semester for 5 months, and i wont be able to see her (i might come back in march for a week but after my studies are over in june, i will come back permanently to rome until i graduate) but when she comes back to rome in january, she is not supposed to see me, and the dad threatened to put a private investigator while she is here. and i wont be able to see her...unless we are friends....and the brother will be here...and trust me, rome is a small city.

 

-A BEAUTIFUL relationship based on the psychology of love, (we are both very intelligent individuals), and every step we took , we did it with caution, but everything was an act of love.

 

yesterday, the brother called the mom to tell her that i was going out with someone else (obviously a lie), and the mom gave the daughter **** for the next 3 hours....(how she was right all along, and how bad i am, and what of an idiot she had been) in the end she calls me to question me...i get upset...all of a sudden she has to go to the psychologist and she keeps explaining to him the story of her life...after the consultation, the psychologist decided that we had to "end" this relationship for her own well-being....and i accepted it....but, i am having great trouble letting this go, because we both know this relationship has a great future, and we both acknowledge that, and it is easy to say "hey, its bad timing", but i would like some more opinions on this, and thats why im here...i dont know who to talk to about this, this is a very complex situation and i skipped many other facts, i only listed the more important ones, but i truly need help and i would appreciate anybody's comments and questions....

 

*Please help me figure this out..............

 

I thank everyone beforehand for this...

 

Sincerely,

 

lalakerz

[Arabess]

Family ties run deep Lalakerz.....and it sounds like her bunch is QUITE the clan! It isn't YOUR responsibility to get her out from under their thumb though. She is 20 years old and needs to achieve that on her own. Maybe she should get a job, apply for student loans, check out some grant money.....ANYTHING but let her family continue to brow beat her into doing what they want her to do.

 

If she doesn't stand up for herself....you will never have a future together. Can you imagine being married with THEM as in-laws? Maybe she could get thru school, you go to your studies and you both work hard at keeping your relationship a secret.....OR she can tell them to "bite her".....and find a way to move on independently.

 

Again, I think it's wonderful when a family is close and looks out for each other. But for a Father to tell his 20 year old daughter she isn't 'allowed' to have a boyfriend is just LUDICROUS!

[lalakerz]

thank you for replying...but...what u mentioned is on point, and something we discussed, which is moving out of the house and telling her extremely dysfunctional family to bite her...but...unlike the parents and the brother, she is not an american citizen, nor resident, she only lives in texas, and its not eligible for loans or grants...its a situation we already discussed....so she is financially tied to the father, psychologically tied to the mother, and the brother is in rome.....

the thing is, she told me today on an email, "things that start bad, end bad"...she mentioned that this between me and her (this friendship that we have now) is the healthiest thing....and that her conscience is clear and calm, and that she wants to do things the right way with me......

 

should i just let this go and move on? i dont feel that would be the right thing to do...but i dont know what else to think....or do....

 

thanks......

 

lalakerz