MixedMinh Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 I was dumped about 6 weeks ago. I went through several phases of emotions, some of them feeling like things were going to be alright, and others feeling like it wouldn't be so bad not to wake up in the morning. Madly in love with this woman, whom i was ready to marry, unfortunately feelings were lost on her side and she is no longer happy with me. After spending 4 years with her, living with her 95% of the time, and having my entire life revolve around her, this is beyond shocking to me to deal with. I am a step farther then I was a month ago, but unfortunately I keep taking steps back. My friends say I'm luckier then I think I am and that I could get plenty of women and I should have a huge ego. I do know I'm somewhat attractive, I'm a bodybuilder as well but no matter how many people tell me how good I look, it means nothing. All I have is the taste of rejection and I only feel like I'm incapable of making a woman happy now, and this is not sexually, but emotionally. I tried NC with her and I think my biggest issue is that I don't stick with it. What ends up happening is we both get bored and end up seeing each other, and having sex and spending the night being affectionate only to get up and leave with butterflies in my stomach feeling attached again. I know I'm the only one to blame for my mentality because if I didn't see her, maybe things would be easier but this is the mistake I have done. At first, I was able to deal with things. I was also going out and meeting new people at the same time and occasionally seeing the ex when I was lonely and I was relatively ok with it. What really gets me now, is although we're broken up, and she made it clear to me that we will never be in a relationship again, but she's okay with seeing me if that is clear.. i ended up finding out that she has been sleeping with somebody, and although it's none of my business it really hurts terribly. I had slept with her that night and found out the next morning through some messages I shouldn't have been looking at. It's not like she can't see other people, this is what she wanted, but my problem now is I can't believe that she would be OK with seeing me and sleeping with me after finally sleeping with somebody else. It's also strange because she so often acts like she cares when she is around me, asks me how i'm feeling, if i'm okay, caters to me, but why? Does she actually care? Is this all an act? I have no idea what to think, all I know is I probably shouldn't be seeing her, now all I can think about is her sleeping with somebody else. Sex with her has always been amazing, both ways.. but the last time we had sex i felt something strange, and now it makes sense. Anyway, I am venting way too much, but I hate it, because my confidence is so crushed from all of this.. I feel inferior to everybody and not good enough for any girl. My ex desires my sexually, but that's about it. Never thought I'd be in this situation. Really wish I would get over her, it's much too painful and detrimental to my lifestyle. I have problems with my appetite and I feel more lethargic and unmotivated and it hinders my progress in the gym and my confidence has hit rock bottom. I am so emotionally dependent sometimes I have to call my best friend(who is a guy) and just stay over his house and cry because I'm afraid to sleep alone. I feel pathetic. I'm sure the best advice is NC. But I'd like to hear anything supportive if possible,
bhweller Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 It sounds like we are dating the same girl, lol jk I have the same situation and I think I have figured it all out. The bottom line is that she is using you. Think about it if the situation was reversed, and you dumped her and you were screwing other people and then still screwing her ? In my case it was even worse because I actually gave her money when she said she was broke. I saw her with another guy in a bar last night and we just had sex a few days ago.
Excellent Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 You are being used my friend, and if it hurts now, just think about how much worse it will get when she is done with you. Right now, she is still somewhat emotionally attached to you, that's why she is sleeping with you. But at the same time, she is sleeping around with someone else. She is using you as a smooth transition, to a relationship with someone else. The minute she realizes she is getting somewhere with her new friend, she will toss you to the side. And then, then it will really hurt you. I advice you to stop with what you are doing right now. It's obvious that it is already hurting you, don't let it get worse. Go NC right now, and stick with it. Have faith in yourself, as a bodybuilder you already should have the discipline and mentality to do just that. Remove every reminder of her that you can, delete her number, e-mails, remove and block her from facebook and similar sites etc. Vanish from her life. And there is nothing wrong to mourn the loss of someone you love, it just shows you are human. The 3 first nights after i got dumped, i had to sleep with one of my old t-shirts she used as a nightgown close to my head. I just couldn't fall asleep without her smell close to me. I felt pathetic about that, yes. But atleast i fell asleep
BW007 Posted September 6, 2009 Posted September 6, 2009 You are being used my friend, and if it hurts now, just think about how much worse it will get when she is done with you. Right now, she is still somewhat emotionally attached to you, that's why she is sleeping with you. But at the same time, she is sleeping around with someone else. She is using you as a smooth transition, to a relationship with someone else. The minute she realizes she is getting somewhere with her new friend, she will toss you to the side. And then, then it will really hurt you. This is the exact truth. I know from experience. You will bounce back and she is being a skeezer to you.
Exit Posted September 6, 2009 Posted September 6, 2009 Yup.... you are only helping her get over you. Like a smoker on the nicotine patch, she gets a little less of you each time and eventually she wakes up and realizes she doesn't need it at all anymore. Disappear so you can heal, and cut off her supply. I don't blame you for how you're feeling and how you've handled it, a 4 year relationship is pretty long. I'm torn to pieces over 1.5 years and if she was willing to throw me scraps, I'd probably take them.
jlr Posted September 6, 2009 Posted September 6, 2009 i was in the same boat man. after a 5 year relationship, she still slept with me for a while after, giving me hope. she then found someone else and that was it for us sleeping together. she was using me to transition to something else. i was helping her get over me, while making it way harder for me to get over her. it's awful. they're awful for doing that to someone. it's hard to want to deny them. i mean, we love them, so we don't want to turn down any affection they're handing out. but you need to not do it. it will make it so much harder in the end man. i'm still torn up about it now, i'm honestly not that much better than i was, and i think the period after we broke up where we still slept together and ****, ****ed me up even more than anything else. be strong man. but don't be down on yourself for feeling this way. you're not weak, you're not pathetic. you're a good human being, and THEY are the pathetic ones for ripping people's hearts out and using them to help THEM heal.
angelface78 Posted September 6, 2009 Posted September 6, 2009 GO INTO NC!! If i can do it...surely you can do it! I was engaged ...we were together almost 5 years. It has been 3 months since i contacted this man and it is sooo hard...i completely understand! The words that help me are what my brother in law said to me...he said...STAY AWAY FROM HIM...DONT TOUCH HIM! PRETEND HE IS LIKE A DISEASE! In a way they are because they only hurt us. Recently the ex has started to break down and regret his actions. It is now too late!! Please hang in there!!
Author MixedMinh Posted September 7, 2009 Author Posted September 7, 2009 thanks for everybody responding. i think i knew that was the best way to go about this, just needed some real responses. just in shock over how she could be this selfish after such a magnificent relationship, it's almost like i don't even know her anymore. this "new" person she has become, or this "old" person she never revealed about herself. NC is going to be extremely difficult, but i will try, i will probably have to keep posting here for support. another issue i have, is that i'm easily manipulated, she will make an effort to try to wheel me in again. damn it almost feels like this is a game i don't want to play. can't wait for these feelings to just go away because they seem pointless now, everything is so damaged. thank you everybody
Author MixedMinh Posted September 7, 2009 Author Posted September 7, 2009 just another question, when you go NC, do you ignore them when they try to call or if they text you, or do you just tell them the truth, that you can't deal with this anymore and that we need to stop communicating. she doesn't know that I KNOW she has been sleeping with someone, but now that i know i can no longer deal with it.
GrayClouds Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 just another question, when you go NC, do you ignore them when they try to call or if they text you, or do you just tell them the truth, that you can't deal with this anymore and that we need to stop communicating. she doesn't know that I KNOW she has been sleeping with someone, but now that i know i can no longer deal with it. Read both of these for everything you need to know about NC The No Contact Guide So you want a second chance? Good Luck
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