Author singledad2 Posted September 14, 2009 Author Posted September 14, 2009 I decide its time to take off the ring, re-focus on my own journey, and danged if I get a "Good Night" message from her. First time since she left she acted like she thought of me. Does she have a web cam hidden around here or what? Trying to keep me on the hook, I guess. I ignored it.... It has occurred to me that the only reason I want to reconcile is so I could tell her to take a hike. It feels way to good to not answer/return her calls.
floridapad Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 Funny how things work. I wonder if she's trying to keep you on the hook as backup or she's just reaching out for her own comfort or who knows what. Wouldn't get to caught up in it because I don't think SHE even knows. But funny you should say the only reason you want to reconcile is to tell her to take a hike. I feel the same way sometimes (my competative side), but I've resolved that the only reason I want to reconcile is to have the "choice" to say take a hike or stay. That choice today would be No but who knows what awakenings , realizations she may have that could be truly life altering for her, which would make my choice Yes. Afterall she is the mother of my children and someone I love. But I want it to be my choice and I am not of the mind set right now to say never. As the saying goes, never say never. My hope is for reconciliation but I know that can only ocurr through her awakening and my continued healing as two independent people and leave my wifes journey to herself and my healing to myself. Sorry for jacking your thread again.
Auroracoladybug Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 I woke up at 2:30am and could not sleep. I was consumed with her which I know is doing me no good. I realized that I had lost so much weight that I could probably get the ring off with no problem. I took it off, put it in a drawer. Went to church without it on. Am really sad, but I am thinking I need to face that it will be awhile if at all before she is ready to give us a chance. I have to start moving forward else I won't be any good to these kids. I am pretty much moping around here today. I am trying to keep sunday as a non-work day so the kids and I can re-charge for the week. Played some "battleship" with my 8 yr old boy. Watch the Tiger Woods show, Watch some football. Check the fantasy scores...I haven't even logged onto the site yet. My partner has been handling the whole thing. I feel so SAD today, stomach knotted up again. Skipped lunch... I am proud of you and I really like what you have done for your kids...just thought I would tell you that;)...today may be SAD but you really are doing little things that needed done for you...and of course the kids
Author singledad2 Posted September 15, 2009 Author Posted September 15, 2009 Thanks for the encouragement ladybug! Progress of any kind is welcome. FloridaPad, Your comments are always welcome. I think we are thinking the same way. I still recognize I had/have feeling for her that will take awhile to go away. At the same time, I am putting them into a box and burying it in the yard and will see if they are still there only if she gets through her journey. I hope that is possible. But for now, I am pushing forward with a new life without her as my wife, only as the mother of my kids. Yeah, I realized that I was probably ahead of the game because I at least know where I am headed, while because of that good nigth crap, I know she is reaching for the safety net. Working for a living must be setting in as a reality that is not as fun as she thought. It is so odd. She sends me a letter of recommendation from one of our former employers (where we met) and asks me to review it. How weird all this is. What is up with that? I got some meds today supposedly for sleep and anti-depression combined. Never took anti-depressant before. I don't feel that low right now, and got some good work done today at he office. Looking forward to some good sleep tonite. I give thanks for those of you that are out here, lending a kind ear and encouragement in this difficult time. You are angels.
hopeful26 Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 You're an animal! That's a good thing. The pain is all too real and yet you still have the mind/heart to play battleship with your kids. That's simply amazing. In my mind there is nothing more incredible than a father who can set aside such pain for his children's happiness. How lucky they are! Edit: I know exactly what it feels like which is why I'm so impressed.
Author singledad2 Posted September 15, 2009 Author Posted September 15, 2009 Hopeful, Thanks for the encouragement. Playing board games with the kids has always been a "me" thing, not a "her" thing. Funny. It seemed that Sunday we had MORE free time than any other Sunday. It is almost as if she really didn't do much during the week, so things piled up for the weekend and we spent Sunday with everyone working to get ready for the week. Now we have a day off for worship and leisure instead of housework. She made a bunch of small jobs into a few HUGE jobs. Something to find joy in this new life. Is it a good thing to make a list of things that are better now that she's gone? I have spent a lot of time concentrating on the negatives, seems like we don't spend enough time on the positives. There were reasons why we didn't see eye to eye. Now I can do things MY way. I can not pay overdraft charges to her bank every month. I can stick to the budget. I can stop worrying about her maintenance needs. (worst kind: High maintenance and doesn't know it). She has no boundaries (like the covenant of marriage, zero dollars in her account). She needs to grow up and I guess I am glad I don't have to feel like a parent instead of a partner anymore. I need to remember why I almost left years ago, and realize that if I had done that I wouldn't have this set up I have now with the kids. Now I have the best of both worlds as a possibility.
Author singledad2 Posted September 15, 2009 Author Posted September 15, 2009 And Oh Yeah!!! I slept for 8 hours straight last night, and don't feel groggy at all this morning!
Author singledad2 Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 A storm woke me up this morning at 4am, so not as good a night's sleep. One of the kids woke up ill, so a new challenge for me...dealing with a job, and a sick child. Had to get him to the doctor and doc says maybe flu, so stuck at home while the CEO is looking for me in my office. STRESS.... I let her know one of them was ill. And one was ill yesterday too. She claims to have called late last night, but I would have heard it. Now she really is looking like she doesn't care about them and IS that selfish BEYATCH we wondered about. I have had more calls from friends parents wishing my son well than her. And to think I was thinking I want her back as the mother of my kids, if not at least just for the kids. I still am in love with her face, and i miss it. Oh well. that feeling is passing. Are you all done with me?
floridapad Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 WOW she is really gone and seems so withdrawn into her selfish world. I truly feel for you my friend. When she comes out (which could be years) she will feel the scars forever. It has got to be tough being an executive with children, let alone ill children. All you can do is your best and realize in some areas your just going to fall short. No way can a person do what your trying to do without falling short in some areas (have you hired a maid yet? One that cooks dinner). You seem to have the priorities straight with the kids but I know what its like to have the added stress of being in a management position. I hope you have shared your story with your CEO and your immediate subordinate. I had to in the beginning because I just couldn't keep up with the work flow and people were noticing my withdrawn demeanor. It's hard to hide. If your boss has a heart he will understand and cut you some slack and your subordinate might step up a bit. PLEASE get out and do something for yourself when your children are better. Even if it's a walk around the block to vent your frustrations. You can't forget about yourself. Hire a babysitter and go to the pub with a buddy (if you drink) and watch a game once in a blue moon. So you are still in love with your wife huh? Yeah thats going to take some time. But with the loss of respect will come the loss of romantic love. It just takes time. I do have a question for you though (from left field). Is she still with the OM or was there an OM involved in your situation? Didn't you say she was staying with him or is she completely on her own? What happened to that? Is she still out of town? When are you going to get a new girlfriend? (Ok I was being a bit of a wise as with that last one :-). We are all listening and praying.
ryepatch Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 hope your kid gets better. . . i don't think my wife would care if i was in the hospital, or one of the cats got hit by a car. . . if someone's gonna go through a selfish phase, they're gonna be stubborn as hell about it. they have to, or their conscience would get them.
Author singledad2 Posted September 17, 2009 Author Posted September 17, 2009 I do have a question for you though (from left field). Is she still with the OM or was there an OM involved in your situation? Didn't you say she was staying with him or is she completely on her own? What happened to that? Is she still out of town? She is still out of town. Denial: she claims no OM. She is claiming just an old friend. She has her own bed/bath in a 2 bedroom condo. She claims there is no reason for divorce at this point because this is not about a new relationship, its about her self-esteem. Reality: She did not tell her friends this when she left, only saying she was staying with friends. If its above board, why the lies? Denial: She says this is temporary, until she gets set up with a steady job. Reality: She has enough money in the bank to take care of all expenses on her own for 6 months without a job. She called last night (after I couldn't hold my disgust and texted her that it might be a good time for her to call the kids with them being sick). She only talked to the sick one. WTH? Can I be done now? What if I never have the kids call her or let her know what is going on in their lives? Leave the responsibilty on her to do reach out to them. What does that do to the kids?
floridapad Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 She is still out of town. Denial: she claims no OM. She is claiming just an old friend. She has her own bed/bath in a 2 bedroom condo. She claims there is no reason for divorce at this point because this is not about a new relationship, its about her self-esteem. Reality: She did not tell her friends this when she left, only saying she was staying with friends. If its above board, why the lies? Denial: She says this is temporary, until she gets set up with a steady job. Reality: She has enough money in the bank to take care of all expenses on her own for 6 months without a job. She called last night (after I couldn't hold my disgust and texted her that it might be a good time for her to call the kids with them being sick). She only talked to the sick one. WTH? Can I be done now? What if I never have the kids call her or let her know what is going on in their lives? Leave the responsibilty on her to do reach out to them. What does that do to the kids? MLC is all about self esteem. I'm surprised she recognized this. I would believe her when she says this but does that really make it better? If there is an OM I'm sure it is ALL about self esteem. She says it is temporary until she gets set up with a steady job. HMMM. Isn't that a bit of an oxymoron? She doesn't want a divorce? I believe her. For now! She is very insecure right now and the "marriage" is the only safety net she feels she might still have. But again. Does that make it better? Can you be done? - Only when YOU want it to be and it sounds like your getting there but perhaps your not quite there yet? She must be confusing the heck out of you. Sorry for that. This is why everyone says to focus on children and self during these times and act "as if" with the spouse. Her journey is her journey and your healing is your healing. She's got a long way to go in her journey so sometimes you have no choice but to buckle down for the long haul. It's TOUGH I know. I'm having a hard time doing it too. But I am slowly getting there. Day by Day with focus and recognize you will definately have a few backslides and all focus in the moment will be gone. Keep up the MLC tactics. They are not only for her but for your healing as well. I can feel the anger in your post. Keep letting it out or it will take hold of you and change who you are. Pray my friend. Pray. Accept the situation for what it is and know it is going to be a long haul, but it WILL get better. I have been and will be praying for you.
Author singledad2 Posted September 17, 2009 Author Posted September 17, 2009 She says it is temporary until she gets set up with a steady job. HMMM. Isn't that a bit of an oxymoron? well put... Today has been tough. I had to get middle child out of school when he got sick too. Now I have 2 at home, a contagious situation, and an executive team meeting this aftenoon. This situation is a house of cards. We are moving along okay with the normal routines, and boom this hits and structure comes tumbing down! I am reaching out for help from neighbors and in-laws today to allow me to make that meeting to keep my place in this org chart in this tough economy. I know I couldn't take it to lose the income right now. A blessing: While I was picking up the kid, a mom that knew me through some birthday party offered to bring dinner by tonight. Angels. Lots of them out there...and in here.
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