JLT123 Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 The ex is at the front of my mind all the time.. I was hanging out with a new person for over a month. We hit it off great, then she stopped talking to me for no reason whatsoever. I don't care about that because it's not like I had a whole lot invested in it, and even though I put on a good face, I honestly think other women can smell it on me, or maybe I say something during the course of a conversation that leads them to believe I'm not over her, which I'm not, but I try to be as careful as possible not to bring her up in anyway. I compare all the time, whether it's looks or personality or likes and dislikes or values. I think I won't like this other person's family as much, or they won't be as successful or smart as the ex. Not a single person I've gone out with compares in my mind, and it's just not fair to them or me. My hurt and jealousy of her being with someone else still runs too deep, and while I know I'm better off being alone, I know it's best for me to get out there, since the ex obviously had no problem doing it. Just such a ****ty situation.
leap83 Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 Sorry you're going through this. Yes, you should get out there but in a different way - go out with your friends, meet new people but don't date anyone until you're emotionally ready. It's not good - issues are going to keep on coming back and you won't be able to do anything about them (because you haven't healed). Find a hobby. Do something for yourself to make you feel better and make you forget about her. My ex was on my mind for a year after we broke up and he still pops into my mind right now, so you don't ever get rid of it. The question I may ask is: why do you like your ex so much? It seems like you have her on the pedestal right now. Write down everything she did to you to hurt you on a piece of paper and put it in your room, bathroom, kitchen to remind you of why she's not good for you. That would be my advice - that's what I did and it helped me quite a lot.
Author JLT123 Posted September 5, 2009 Author Posted September 5, 2009 Sorry you're going through this. Yes, you should get out there but in a different way - go out with your friends, meet new people but don't date anyone until you're emotionally ready. It's not good - issues are going to keep on coming back and you won't be able to do anything about them (because you haven't healed). Find a hobby. Do something for yourself to make you feel better and make you forget about her. My ex was on my mind for a year after we broke up and he still pops into my mind right now, so you don't ever get rid of it. The question I may ask is: why do you like your ex so much? It seems like you have her on the pedestal right now. Write down everything she did to you to hurt you on a piece of paper and put it in your room, bathroom, kitchen to remind you of why she's not good for you. That would be my advice - that's what I did and it helped me quite a lot. I guess because we were just on the same page with everything, whether it's marriage, kids, food, conversation, what made each other laugh. It was just love, final and uncompromising. We both had our faults, but her biggest issue with me was the fact that I liked to cut loose with some drinks maybe once a week. Not something that other people don't do, but I suppose I should've seen how much it bothered her and stopped. I was set to propose last Christmas and I got a DUI the day after Thanksgiving because I had 4 glasses of wine in a span of 2 1/2 hours. She saw that as a "betrayal" and ended things right then and there. That's why this is all so stupid. It's not like it was anything major like cheating or stealing money or abuse or anything.
rubo Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 I compare all the time, whether it's looks or personality or likes and dislikes or values. I think I won't like this other person's family as much, or they won't be as successful or smart as the ex. Not a single person I've gone out with compares in my mind, and it's just not fair to them or me. Just such a ****ty situation. Sorry to hear. Know exactly how you are! I have the exact same situation, you think to your self "damn my ex was special...i was just such lucky when i was with her. The next boy who is gonna be with her is just the luckiest guy alive!" All I can say is, do something..for instance I'm going swimming and trying to stay active...go shop with one of your friends and it actually helps, eventhough you're a guy:P Hope for the best!
Cowboy2theCore Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 Try not to compare the new girls you meet with the ex. Just go out and have fun. You will meet someone that fits everything you want and maybe even more. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Have fun! Get over her! Be single for now! How old are you? If you are still young then remember you have more years to go.
Beeotch Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 U shouldn't date then.... Save yourself and others the mess. Seriously. People who are not over their ex's and dive into another relationship or dating usually end up adding more problems to the pile. They usually end up using this other person and hurting that person or themselves and all this craziness. It is best to stay out of the game on your broken leg and wait until it is completely healed before going back out there. Versus trying to play on a broken leg which might make the injury worst, or you aren't gonna be as good anyway etc. Therefore once you do date again it will be fair to you and this other person. U wouldn't want someone dating you who was secretly still pining after their ex so you shouldn't do that to them because that is not giving them or the possible relationship a fair chance. Further you cannot see as clearly anyway. Everyone, both dumpers and dumpees need TIME for themselves after a breakup but unfortunately only the emotionally strong and wise make that choice because it is not the easy way. Whereas emotionally weak people, those who are foolish, who love the easy way out often run for a crutch in rebound situations....*smh*....it is not a good look. At 1st I was pissed my ex got a gf...but he doesn't like her and it is an apparent sham that only makes HIM look even more ridiculous and weak and it is sad for her too as he is probably gonna end up hurting her (he is not even faithful to her but she doesn't know).....all in all it is a MESS. He got into a premature relationship, doesn't care about this girl, is talking to others behind her back and running from his issues and eventually the truth is going to come forth and it will be messy. Sooooo seeing that....I am GLAD I have nothing to prove. I am not gonna run off and get a new man to make him jealous or to get over him etc. I feel proud of myself that I am using this time to grow and become better so I CAN give my future relationship a fair chance.
Taucher Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 The ex is at the front of my mind all the time.. I was hanging out with a new person for over a month. We hit it off great, then she stopped talking to me for no reason whatsoever. I don't care about that because it's not like I had a whole lot invested in it, and even though I put on a good face, I honestly think other women can smell it on me, or maybe I say something during the course of a conversation that leads them to believe I'm not over her, which I'm not, but I try to be as careful as possible not to bring her up in anyway. I compare all the time, whether it's looks or personality or likes and dislikes or values. I think I won't like this other person's family as much, or they won't be as successful or smart as the ex. Not a single person I've gone out with compares in my mind, and it's just not fair to them or me. My hurt and jealousy of her being with someone else still runs too deep, and while I know I'm better off being alone, I know it's best for me to get out there, since the ex obviously had no problem doing it. Just such a ****ty situation. Thank you for this. I feel exactly the same, in every way. To the extent that I am not even trying to find someone else. I just have not got the enthusiasm for it. What you say about not liking someone else's family is so true. Also: sex. I cant imagine ever wanting to be intimate with anyone ever again. My sex drive is zero. However, this is how I feel, but I know that I am wrong. And I think you are too. Time will prove this, I am sure. There are thousands of potential partners out there. Some of them HAVE to be just as right for you as your ex is/was. Hang in there. T
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