I feel so alone

[cecile]

I'm being treated so very badly; I keep beating myself up for it. Maybe its me doing all the bad treatment to myself.

 

At this point, I don't know.

The pain just hurts miserably.

 

He says we can be friends. What nonsense! How can a person be friends with someone they've had/shared intimacy with; had sex with, a relationship with?

Just like that?

 

I just want someone who will treat me right. I deserve more than this...

 

But, I still want things to work out with him. (I'm that kind of person who will talk things out until both parties are exchanging equally and sincerely) Maybe it's a phase with him and he'll get out of it? Even if he does, how can I ever find a way to respect a foolish ass. (Pardon me) He's actually sat down with me and told me he'd prefer someone with blond hair and blue eyes like him. Someone with more confidence; and just going down, listing qualities like that. Told me he just wants someone different, "mentally", "spiritually"... that I'm not even equal to him on any level.

 

That and, he was talking to his friend... saying how he wants to "get me off his back". His friend responded with "is she all up in your business with nothing to do?"

 

Is he playing a game? I mean... this is ridiculous. I am putting up with so much crap and I just need the support to move on for good.

 

Essentially, I feel alone. I feel like I've lost a best friend, albeit one who treated me like crap. I don't know. We grew close. I miss the intimacy. I miss the sex. I miss the "magic". And whatever else. I guess we've been in troubled waters for a while; almost half our relationship. And maybe it just wasn't meant to be...

 

I wish things will turn out fine and okay because I've been giving it my very all. I don't even know if he has; I like to think he did too; he's done some wonderful things and we've shared wonderful moments. It's such a pity.

Maybe its really "over" over.

 

Reconciliation. ha. I wish I could see it. I'm always available, here, ready to make it happen. The one who has the intention of starting it. He's never been into it.

 

I have apologized for my share of mistakes. And I've sincerely never intended to make the majority of those mistakes. I have just the kindest affection and intention to give.

 

So why is this happening to me. Why is this the worse situation and feeling I've ever experienced.

 

I feel neglected;

we sleep in the same space, separate beds.

i see him everyday.

he hardly ever talks about his feelings. he has an idea of just "taking and demanding personal space" and me giving it to him for an indefinite time which is SILLY because we live together and congregate together. something more sensible would be to sit and talk and work things out. or he can just sleep elsewhere. that's silly too because we'll still see eachother and eventually we'll need to have a serious, civilized, reflective chat. I'm game. don't know about him

he gets hostile and rash with me, ex: he snaps at me for insignificant things like me telling him to go do something (bc I need space) elicits a "dont tell me what to do". me telling him his eggs are done elicits a "don't tell me when my eggs are done!" silly things. sometimes he calls me a btch.

still criticizes, commands, demands, pushes me away, etc. when essentially, I've done something unintentionally.

[leap83]

Cecile: Here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t201068/ . Read my post - especially under "My past". Sounds familiar? I didn't put in any examples of what I went through but it emotionally butchered me. Get out of this relationship! RUN FOR THE HILLS before it is too late. You can find better. You can do better. You don't deserve this treatment. He won't come back to you until you pull yourself back together, move on and live your own life. When he does come back to you, it'll be too late for anything (because you've moved on). Do STRICT NC. And I'm telling you - no e-mail, no phone, no Fb, no nothing!

 

Don't hope for reconciliation. I know - I've been there. Wanting the ex so much and no one else. But now, a year after, I don't need him. Hell... He's the bottom of the bottoms. Why would I want that?! Just like your ex.

 

I'm here for you if you need a friend.

[moo]

I'm being treated so very badly; I keep beating myself up for it. Maybe its me doing all the bad treatment to myself.

 

At this point, I don't know.

The pain just hurts miserably.

 

He says we can be friends. What nonsense! How can a person be friends with someone they've had/shared intimacy with; had sex with, a relationship with?

Just like that?

 

I just want someone who will treat me right. I deserve more than this...

 

But, I still want things to work out with him. (I'm that kind of person who will talk things out until both parties are exchanging equally and sincerely) Maybe it's a phase with him and he'll get out of it? Even if he does, how can I ever find a way to respect a foolish ass. (Pardon me) He's actually sat down with me and told me he'd prefer someone with blond hair and blue eyes like him. Someone with more confidence; and just going down, listing qualities like that. Told me he just wants someone different, "mentally", "spiritually"... that I'm not even equal to him on any level.

 

That and, he was talking to his friend... saying how he wants to "get me off his back". His friend responded with "is she all up in your business with nothing to do?"

 

Is he playing a game? I mean... this is ridiculous. I am putting up with so much crap and I just need the support to move on for good.

 

Essentially, I feel alone. I feel like I've lost a best friend, albeit one who treated me like crap. I don't know. We grew close. I miss the intimacy. I miss the sex. I miss the "magic". And whatever else. I guess we've been in troubled waters for a while; almost half our relationship. And maybe it just wasn't meant to be...

 

I wish things will turn out fine and okay because I've been giving it my very all. I don't even know if he has; I like to think he did too; he's done some wonderful things and we've shared wonderful moments. It's such a pity.

 

Maybe its really "over" over.

 

Reconciliation. ha. I wish I could see it. I'm always available, here, ready to make it happen. The one who has the intention of starting it. He's never been into it.

 

I have apologized for my share of mistakes. And I've sincerely never intended to make the majority of those mistakes. I have just the kindest affection and intention to give.

 

So why is this happening to me. Why is this the worse situation and feeling I've ever experienced.

 

I feel neglected;

we sleep in the same space, separate beds.

i see him everyday.

he hardly ever talks about his feelings. he has an idea of just "taking and demanding personal space" and me giving it to him for an indefinite time which is SILLY because we live together and congregate together. something more sensible would be to sit and talk and work things out. or he can just sleep elsewhere. that's silly too because we'll still see eachother and eventually we'll need to have a serious, civilized, reflective chat. I'm game. don't know about him

he gets hostile and rash with me, ex: he snaps at me for insignificant things like me telling him to go do something (bc I need space) elicits a "dont tell me what to do". me telling him his eggs are done elicits a "don't tell me when my eggs are done!" silly things. sometimes he calls me a btch.

still criticizes, commands, demands, pushes me away, etc. when essentially, I've done something unintentionally.

 

Cecile, listen to me. This guy sounds like an immature, shallow, arsewipe..just a jerk.

 

It's my experience when men complain that women don't have enough confidence, they are the ones that are greatly contributing to the lowering of confidence in the woman.

 

He wants someone with blond hair and blue eyes eh? Well if that is part of his criteria for choosing a woman, he is...he is...gosh, I can't even think of something to say to that.

 

You don't need someone like that. He sounds very selfish and inconsiderate...snapping at you because you told him when his eggs are done...now you know that is awful. If he wants someone on his level, he must be looking for a whiny, ridiculous, jackass, so he can just go on his way.

 

So sorry you went through that. Don't stand for that ridiculous behavior. You are better off on your own.

[georgia girl]

Cecile,

 

Go no contact and focus on yourself. Please believe me. Right now, every time you have contact with him, you go through this cycle: first, you're so happy that you're interacting that it's like a drug you can't deny. Then, you talk and you get a little bit of what you wanted but not much, so you're a little disappointed. Then, an hour after you talk, you're devestated, unsure of when you'll talk again and questioning yourself as a person and as a partner.

 

Stay away from this poison. It hurts you and bleeds you. Instead, go no contact and get away from the emotion. Gradually, very, very gradually, you will begin to heal and each day will be just a bit better. You'll spend less time sad, more time neutral and a tiny bit of time happy. Then, it's very little sad, more neutral and more happy. See the pattern?

 

Regardless of your ex or if you'll ever get back together. You need to heal. A broken person cannot have a successful relationship. So, focus on healing. If you do it for yourself or to get your ex back, it doesn't matter. Just commit to healing beginning now and to staying out of touch with him until you're healed. It will work wonders and you will survive.

 

Good luck. We are all here for you!

[cecile]

because we live in the same area. i really need help right now because i want to start my life over... i love where im staying, i love my direction in life... just this relationship aspect is a big part -- it is totally unfair and i feel like i have no control over it.

 

i see him everyday because we intern and work at the same place, share the same areas.

 

whenever im around him, he comes up to me and he bullies me and badgers me and demands things for no reason. he does it in front of people too so its humiliating. they must think im a total doormat WHICH IM NOT. i just need help because i cant do it myself at this point.

 

we socialize and talk with the same group of people and friends.

whenever i want to connect with someone, he intervenes and interrupts. he says things in the middle of my asking a question/giving an answer, them asking a question/giving an answer. he is loud and obnoxious and disruptive when im talking with people. so that greatly attributes to me feeling alone too because he gets in the way of me connecting with people. he assigns people i can talk to. ITS crazy. how can i possibly make friends?

 

when i approached him about it, he said, "i can do whatever i want". things don't work like that, however, that's his attitude about EVERYTHING.

 

whenever i show signs of moving on, he starts giving me more attention. whenever i get myself up and stick up for myself, he gets mad and starts getting meaner, or giving me more attention. he'll use things against me, bring up the past, and twist it out of context. i feel like he's monitoring me, putting up a face for people.

 

i want to talk to someone about it... i dont know what to say. we live in a community orientated place. it's meant to surface what's really going on; i wonder if people can see whats going on.

 

one person did see what's going on, that person had a chat with me about how entirely disrespectful he was being.

 

id on't even feel like he's my friend. i honestly feel like he's a competitive jerk. i feel he's more against me than anything and anyone and he's the closest person to me.

 

i don't know what to do

[moo]

It sounds like you need to have a talk with someone you trust who can help you with the internship situation: - your immediate supervisor, the person who placed you in the internship, the head there...someone who you feel comfortable with and trust and tell them about the way he bullies you. Good luck.