I just know I'm going to do something stupid.

[icyness]

It's been just about 2 months since my boyfriend left me.

As much as I want to contact him, I don't. Every second seems like a struggle, but I somehow manage to force myself not to.

 

However, I find myself wanting to contact his mom or her husband to ask them why they felt the need to be so involved in our break up.

More so, I want to contact her husband because I know he has a facebook, and he took it upon himself twice to call my dad asking him to "have a talk with me" because I called my ex and texted him.

Apparently when he was on the phone with his mom and vented to her that no matter what he told me, I wouldn't leave it be and I continued to call him. He didn't ask them to call my dad, but being the concerned mom she is, she had her husband do it.

 

This was all way back when the break up first happened.

Now, even though I live with my dad, I have never once asked others to step into my relationship. What makes my blood boil is how my ex claims he's so incredibly independent, yet anytime anything went wrong with us, his mom would some how butt-in.

My dad had a long talk with me several times about just letting it all go because he's not worth it, neither are they, etc. I told him I couldn't stand how I was nice to his mom and her husband only for them to turn around and be this way to me, I told him how badly I wanted to call them just to say they should be calling me if they have a problem, not my dad. He agreed, but told me it really wont' make me feel any better, just let it be, etc.

 

But here I am weeks later still fuming over so many aspects of what occurred after he broke up with me, this especially.

This man is in no way even related to my ex, I was never anything short of being extremely kind and respectful to his mom and her husband, and here I feeling like they walked all over me and stuck their noses in where they really shouldn't have.

 

I was even on the phone with his mom a few times after we broke up and felt I was way too nice, I felt like they all got to have their say, walk all over me and being the doormat I am, I didn't stand up for myself or at least say "this really isn't yours or your husbands business"

I'm beyond pissed that my ex couldn't be a man and just tell me to leave him alone or whatever himself; everyone thinks that's a good reason I should just want to let him go, but I'm so furious about it all.

 

Should I politely message my ex's mom's husband and say something? Or continue to bite my tongue?

I feel so out of control at this point. I don't want to do something that may cause further trouble between my ex and I, yet I feel like I can't go on this way. Everything got so unnecessarily out of my hands towards the end, and people who had nothing to do with our relationship got involved and got away with stuff they shouldn't have.

I don't know what to do anymore.

[BW007]

I know how you feel but reel it back in.

 

MAINTAIN YOUR DIGNITY! IT IS GOOD FOR YOU!

 

If the parents are getting involved, maybe that is a sign that you have been overdoing it and need to get in control of things. Knock it off! Use it as a sign. Also he is a mama's boy.

 

It is time to establish what a cool, awesome desirable, attractive person you are again, you don't need his crap. And that will draw the RIGHT person to you(even if it is not him). Dramatic stuff is just embarrassing in retrospect in my experience and it only represents a weak part of you. You have lived through this much pain and I bet you are starting to feel a little stronger if you are honest with yourself. You have control only of what you do. Do stuff that makes you feel stronger, not crazier.

[icyness]

Thanks BW.

Yeah, I suppose I won't do it because I do know better..I just really really want to!

 

lol, yeah pretty much everyone around me continues to tell me "I don't want that mama's boy anyway", I just don't like how he indirectly involved others when there was really no need.

His mom is great, but she is so bold and not afraid to say whatever she wants even when it has nothing to do with her; I know she took it upon herself to do what she did and I just feel like I didn't deserve it.

 

I'll do my best to look the other way though..I haven't blown anything for a while now, it'd be foolish to mess it up after weeks of silence.

[BW007]

Your breakup is still pretty new, it takes a while to bounce back.... It has taken me forever too, but you have to just forge ahead with life. I mean, do you want to lose it and go nuts and get institutionalized over some boy. Screw that. I admit there were and still are really dark moments in my break up too, but keep putting things in perspective. You could live in a war zone or something, ya know? I think if that picture is you, most of the guys in your area will chase after you anyway, so pick a really great one.

Your dad sounds like he is right on and very much in your corner so listen to the guy, I am sure he has had some devastating breakups too.

[icyness]

Thanks again BW.

lol, yes that is me, and I appreciate your kind comment. The only thing is I'm so incredibly shy and quiet, and it's not in me to go out and date. I've always been that way, and for whatever reason I'm just not into socializing, I can't get myself to do most things others enjoy doing. Especially now.

 

I just can't believe how wrapped up I am in all of it. Nothing I do helps. I can't concentrate on anything, I pretend to be alright in front of my dad and others, but I'm so not. I feel like I won't be okay until he talks to me.

I know I'm grasping at something that isn't there right now, he won't talk to me and yet I continue to mull it over in my head how to get him to.

 

I know messaging anyone associated him would only anger him if he found out, and I know contacting him right now won't do anything, but I'm so damn tired of feeling I never had any power that whole time.

I was way too nice through everything; I never lashed out or was mean during the break up, yet he did and I let him.

[BW007]

I never got my last face to face conversation that I wanted either. People can hide behind a wall of FB or texting or celphone calls and it just gets so lame.

Just accept you DON'T have any of the power. It's a bad feeling to know that you don't hold any sway over the person that has so much effect upon you. I Know exactly what you mean. It is a very empty feeling... My recent favorite quote is

Move on. You're young. Many young ladies around. Your ex isn't anything special, as a human being. She was just special to you for awhile.

-Carhill

 

That idea really helped me a lot. Think about that one and maybe losing all your "magical" power over him won't matter as much.

[icyness]

You've been very sweet BW, thank you.

 

I don't know when I'll be at the point I need to be, I feel like I won't ever get there honestly.

But coming on here helps get through the moments.

[seoa]

Should I politely message my ex's mom's husband and say something? Or continue to bite my tongue?

I feel so out of control at this point. I don't want to do something that may cause further trouble between my ex and I, yet I feel like I can't go on this way. Everything got so unnecessarily out of my hands towards the end, and people who had nothing to do with our relationship got involved and got away with stuff they shouldn't have.

I don't know what to do anymore.

you do have some power here... his mum *wanted* to be in involved in the drama (seriously - how old is she??)... you have the power to deny her that... so do NOT contact her, or her hubbie...

 

you are the grown-up here, and she is being childish...

 

keep the power, and you will win...

[moo]

You do have power, but then you don't. You can't control what you ex does or what his family does, which I know is painful.

 

But, you do have power over yourself. You don't have to answer the phone, and dont' call or contact him or his parents. Leave the whole family alone.

 

I know you are having a really hard time with this break up. You need to get your mind off of it. Try a new hobby and immerse yourself in it, and I think I told you before-volunteer. You need to get out of your house. See what's going on in town. Take yourself to the symphony, to the museum, etc.

 

Sorry, this is so hard on you. Your dad sounds like he can really support you. Buy a large rage doll, about 2 feet long or a teddy bear and just hug it and cry on it. It really does help.

[icyness]

Thank you Seoa and Moo.