dreamergrl Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 So I'm having a bbq tomorrow. I invited the guy I've been casually seeing for the last three weeks. We both have been dating other people. He said he'd probably drop by (a few days ago). But I haven't heard anything more from him. I text him earlier today to see if he was still planning on coming (we're trying to get a head count to know who's bringing what, and how many people), but didn't hear anything. So I tried giving him a ring and nothing. Should I invite someone else, or how long should I give him before inviting someone else? I'd like to have a date for it. Normally he's real good about getting back. I'm not all super anxious about it, but if he's not coming, or it's not looking like he's coming, I'd like to invite someone else. Is that wrong?
boldjack Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 Dreamer, your attitude to dating is casual in the extreme. You invited one man, he said he would come. That is all you need to do. If he doesn't show , then you have reason to complain. You seem to be very worried about your pride, if your date stands you up, or to be thought of as dateless. Why don't you invite 3 or 4, and sort them out at the door. I'm beginning to think that you don't respect men very much.
carhill Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 OP, can I ask you a serious question? Does this guy's casual, non-committal attitude perk your interest? Ratchet up your emotions? Let's say he doesn't call, but shows up. You'll be irritated at his carefree attitude, without regard for your inquiries, but will it diminish your attraction? I see this as a common issue with women, the conundrum between what they want and feel the deserve (cognitively) and what they are attracted to. TBH, I think you do like men, and would like to have a relationship with a compatible man, and are trying out methods of achieving that, perhaps methods you haven't considered in the past. How does it feel? Are you getting a positive karma vibe here? Good information, whatever the return is. I think you're going to have to share your BBQ sauce recipe pretty soon or I'm going to get on a plane
loveslife Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 OP, can I ask you a serious question? Does this guy's casual, non-committal attitude perk your interest? Ratchet up your emotions? Let's say he doesn't call, but shows up. You'll be irritated at his carefree attitude, without regard for your inquiries, but will it diminish your attraction? I see this as a common issue with women, the conundrum between what they want and feel the deserve (cognitively) and what they are attracted to. TBH, I think you do like men, and would like to have a relationship with a compatible man, and are trying out methods of achieving that, perhaps methods you haven't considered in the past. How does it feel? Are you getting a positive karma vibe here? Good information, whatever the return is. I think you're going to have to share your BBQ sauce recipe pretty soon or I'm going to get on a plane Excellent questions and observations Carhill! Has he called Dreamer?
Author dreamergrl Posted September 5, 2009 Author Posted September 5, 2009 No he hasn't, and the bbq is in 3 hours. It doesn't bother me too much. I do like things planned out when it comes to stuff like this. And I did want to have a date for my bbq party. I'm casually dating, so I can't expect more in return. This I know and fully understand. However, a simple yes or no would be nice. He said he would possibly bring a dish or something to pass, and what not, so we're trying to figure out who's coming and bringing what so we know what we need. I do want a relationship eventually, but I've only been here in Denver for a month and a half. I don't think I'm ready to settle quite yet. I'm enjoying meeting new people (and yes, guys). Not for the attention, but because people are different out here. People's attitudes and personalities. People are more friendly. I'm honestly enjoying my life exactly how it is right now. I am just not much of a fan for those who can't confirm they are coming and if they are bringing anything.
Author dreamergrl Posted September 5, 2009 Author Posted September 5, 2009 Dreamer, your attitude to dating is casual in the extreme. You invited one man, he said he would come. That is all you need to do. If he doesn't show , then you have reason to complain. You seem to be very worried about your pride, if your date stands you up, or to be thought of as dateless. Why don't you invite 3 or 4, and sort them out at the door. I'm beginning to think that you don't respect men very much. I didn't mean to come off as disrespectful to anyone.
loveslife Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 Hey Dreamer, I think there's a difference between dating casually, not being committed, etc. and being considerate or not. I think it's well within reason to expect him to return a call or text about plans. I think what carhill was wondering is, does this make him less attractive to you? It has nothing to do with you being needy or unhappy or having too high expectations. It's about expecting someone to be considerate. Sometimes, for me, I didn't want to expect too much from someone because I enjoyed their company. But no matter the level of commitment we all deserve to be valued. What do you think?
loveslife Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 I didn't mean to come off as disrespectful to anyone. Dreamer, I had no clue what boldjack meant by that. You did not come off that way to me!
Author dreamergrl Posted September 5, 2009 Author Posted September 5, 2009 Hey Dreamer, I think there's a difference between dating casually, not being committed, etc. and being considerate or not. I think it's well within reason to expect him to return a call or text about plans. I think what carhill was wondering is, does this make him less attractive to you? It has nothing to do with you being needy or unhappy or having too high expectations. It's about expecting someone to be considerate. Sometimes, for me, I didn't want to expect too much from someone because I enjoyed their company. But no matter the level of commitment we all deserve to be valued. What do you think? It does make him a little less attractive to me, unless he's got a good reason. It's also very strange for him not to get back to me. I tried calling this morning and nothing. I think perhaps he's found other female company he likes better. Just a gut feeling. I wont try calling him any more today. And if he doesn't show, I'm not going to attempt contact. I'll be backing off. I do enjoy his company. I like being around him. He's from my home state, and an are I'm very familiar with, so it's neat for me to hang with someone who can get my references to home and what not. If he isn't coming, that is fine, I'd just like to know. And if it's not respectful, I'm sorry, but I'd like to have a date for this. I wonder if he'll just pop up. Maybe his phone got lost or something, I don't know. It's just very strange for him to not respond. He always has before. With in a few hours.
Author dreamergrl Posted September 5, 2009 Author Posted September 5, 2009 Dreamer, I had no clue what boldjack meant by that. You did not come off that way to me! BoldJack doesn't like the idea of multiple dating. Even though when dating I let the guy know.
loveslife Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 BoldJack doesn't like the idea of multiple dating. Even though when dating I let the guy know. Oh, gotcha.
loveslife Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 It does make him a little less attractive to me, unless he's got a good reason. It's also very strange for him not to get back to me. I tried calling this morning and nothing. I think perhaps he's found other female company he likes better. Just a gut feeling. I wont try calling him any more today. And if he doesn't show, I'm not going to attempt contact. I'll be backing off. I do enjoy his company. I like being around him. He's from my home state, and an are I'm very familiar with, so it's neat for me to hang with someone who can get my references to home and what not. If he isn't coming, that is fine, I'd just like to know. And if it's not respectful, I'm sorry, but I'd like to have a date for this. I wonder if he'll just pop up. Maybe his phone got lost or something, I don't know. It's just very strange for him to not respond. He always has before. With in a few hours. Yeah, unless there's a good reason for not calling/texting back I'd say the change in routine like this could indicate there's someone else. It's hard sometimes to separate enjoying someone's company with looking at the bigger picture. Maybe he would have been better as a platonic friend? Hope you have fun today though!
Author dreamergrl Posted September 5, 2009 Author Posted September 5, 2009 Oh, gotcha. So if you were casually dating, and the guy (who ALWAYS got back to you) just stopped getting back to you, what would you think? LOL Nevermind, just saw your post above
AlektraClementine Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 I'd deduce that he wasn't coming and was too chicken to man-up and tell me. Write off:p
Author dreamergrl Posted September 5, 2009 Author Posted September 5, 2009 Yeah, unless there's a good reason for not calling/texting back I'd say the change in routine like this could indicate there's someone else. It's hard sometimes to separate enjoying someone's company with looking at the bigger picture. Maybe he would have been better as a platonic friend? Hope you have fun today though! Thanks :bunny: I'm sure it will still be fun, I've got lots of great friends, and probably some new peole I haven't met yet. And ya know, if there is someone else, that is fine. I fully accept that is part of casual dating. (HUGE change for me how I used to be) - But even when casually dating, I think it's just rude to go NC and not give a heads up when plans are made.
Author dreamergrl Posted September 5, 2009 Author Posted September 5, 2009 I'd deduce that he wasn't coming and was too chicken to man-up and tell me. Write off:p I'm thinking this as well! And it's really not that hard of a thing to man up about!
loveslife Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 So if you were casually dating, and the guy (who ALWAYS got back to you) just stopped getting back to you, what would you think? LOL Nevermind, just saw your post above Well, I was just referring to what you said about thinking he might have another girl. But for me I think it would depend on the situation. Unless there was something specific that kept him from getting back to me I'd figure he lost interest in me. You say that he usually gets back to you quickly. Who generally initiates contact?
Brady_to_Moss Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 Godi really have to move out west. Mass sucks as far as friendly ppl
loveslife Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 Thanks :bunny: I'm sure it will still be fun, I've got lots of great friends, and probably some new peole I haven't met yet. And ya know, if there is someone else, that is fine. I fully accept that is part of casual dating. (HUGE change for me how I used to be) - But even when casually dating, I think it's just rude to go NC and not give a heads up when plans are made. I do know you'll be fine. But yeah there's no two ways about it. His behavior is rude/inconsiderate.
Author dreamergrl Posted September 5, 2009 Author Posted September 5, 2009 Well, I was just referring to what you said about thinking he might have another girl. But for me I think it would depend on the situation. Unless there was something specific that kept him from getting back to me I'd figure he lost interest in me. You say that he usually gets back to you quickly. Who generally initiates contact? We both initiate it. He normally initiates the dates. And I just talked to him on Thursday. I was going to ask him if he'd like to go grab a drink, but he said he was working all night, and I haven't heard from him since.
loveslife Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 We both initiate it. He normally initiates the dates. And I just talked to him on Thursday. I was going to ask him if he'd like to go grab a drink, but he said he was working all night, and I haven't heard from him since. He could have been abducted by aliens. Too bad you have no date for today but chalk this up to experience about this particular person.
Author dreamergrl Posted September 5, 2009 Author Posted September 5, 2009 Godi really have to move out west. Mass sucks as far as friendly ppl I was very shocked at how friendly people are out here. I think the only person I've met that wasn't friendly was my ex roomie. People will just stop and talk to me for no reason, chit chat and what not. I took a part time job in retail, and there is a lot less bitchy customers
Author dreamergrl Posted September 5, 2009 Author Posted September 5, 2009 He could have been abducted by aliens. Too bad you have no date for today but chalk this up to experience about this particular person. Maybe he has to wash his hair
alphamale Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 He said he'd probably drop by (a few days ago). But I haven't heard anything more from him. i think you have to assume he won't be in attendance so go ahead and do whatever you want
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 Dreamer, is this the guy that pushed you off a couple times the other night? I'm getting a "Plan B" vibe from this guy. That's not cool. I don't care if it IS casual and you ARE seeing other people. You don't make two sets of plans for the same day in case one set falls through. I'd invite someone else. However, maybe it's too late. LOL I don't know. If I were some other guy and got a short-notice call to come to your BBQ, I'd feel like "Plan B." So I say just go to the BBQ and enjoy yourself. Men aren't worth the stress.
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