muse08 Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 Hello all~ sorry for the length, but pls read~ After about a six month relationship I broke up with my ex. There are things in his life that I just choose not to deal with, i.e. baby mama drama, backboneless, possessiveness, etc. He proposed and wanted me to move in with him and tried to get me pregnant several times and some other things that made me pause. I didn’t want to have a child with him and it never happened, thankfully. I say thankfully only because I was not ready especially not with him…I always felt like he was moving too fast for me and that we were just not on the same page on many levels and made him just less attractive to me in general. So now he still calls and tries to see me like he doesn’t realize we broke up. I have only agreed to see him like twice since the now 3 month separation. I have taken trips and done things without telling him and he gets upset. We have been intimate once during the separation and he said he’d been with no one else. However, I caught him in a lie. He called me by mistake and left the phone on for like 10 minutes... I overheard a conversation he had with his coworker. The discussion was about women having kids to get paid. So he says, “I’m going to stop sleeping with my baby’s mother. She’s trying to have more kids and I’m not trying to here that. She took me to court for $700/month for my daughter. She's trying to take all my money”. That’s what I’m sure I heard. Mind you, the day before this incident he said “why are you acting so mean. I never disrespected you or nothing.’ I was like, “I never said you did. But if you were sleeping with someone else while sleeping with me,that would be disrespectful”. I think it made him think for a minute, but I doubt it will make him stop especially if I’m telling him that we are not together. So this means he has been sleeping with here since I don’t know when. Trying to get back with me and still calling all the time and saying he loves me and till this minute saying that I got the conversation turned around. Lol…what a joke. I’m glad I heard what I heard. Otherwise I MAY have considered his efforts to reconcile our relationship. Now, I realize I cannot trust him. I told him several times that we were both free to see other people now. So yes that bit me in the, you know what. But I’m more upset that he put my health in jeopardy, he’s still trying to pursue me and I keep ignoring him and telling him to go ahead with his life. I’ve told him to not expect to see me or be intimate with me again. That’s my word…the respect is out the door! I'm quite upset about the lie and denial because it could have very well negatively affected me in more ways than one. Yet he acts like things are normal and nothing ever happened like he’s on drugs or something…totally oblivious acting, thinking I will forget or something…? It’s really a turn off. Yes he does have some frontal lobe brain damage, but he’s not that damaged. Shucks he works, screws, and puts on an act very well from what I’ve seen in this incident. I have not seen him in several weeks now, so why does he even keep calling me after I told him what I heard and that he needs to stop contacting me? Right now I'm ignoring him. Is there anything else I can or should do to put him on pause so that he really gets the picture?
SierraRose Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 I was in a situation very similar...ended up dragging on for 4 years, eventually turning abusive. This guy sounds like a sociaopath. RUN, as fast as u can. ANY person, looking to get married, babies after 6 months is crazy!
Author muse08 Posted September 5, 2009 Author Posted September 5, 2009 wow, so sorry to hear that. thanks for the response and it's funny you mention sociopathic...he told me that his brother has been diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic and/or bipolar. i've met him and he's bonified "something". another one of his relatives is "interesting as well. i even asked him how did the condition skip over him. his answer was hesitant and vague. to be honest i noticed something about him when we first met. he would stare at me with this blank stare, so hard until i would disappear from his site. why i didnt avoid this relationship,i don't know. perhaps thats a reflection of me. thats the scary part...
Author muse08 Posted September 5, 2009 Author Posted September 5, 2009 he's still calling...just called again.he has left several messages that sound like it's the last call for the evening, but he keeps calling. he's said "have a god one", "love you", "goodnite", now he just left a message saying he was thinking about me which is why he called.then told me to call him as soon as i get the message...? this may go on all through the nite, because he's done it before. it forces me to turn my finger off and i shouldn't have to in case of a family emergency, which has happened before...should i tell him to stop or just ignore him.
MadDriver Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 He's complaining about $700/month (which is only $8,400 year)? What a cheap loser... I know some people who spend more that on hookers per WEEK...
Author muse08 Posted September 14, 2009 Author Posted September 14, 2009 I was in a situation very similar...ended up dragging on for 4 years, eventually turning abusive. This guy sounds like a sociaopath. RUN, as fast as u can. ANY person, looking to get married, babies after 6 months is crazy! Hi. just wanted to ask you about your situation that you said turned abusive. abuse is abuse, but if you don't mind can to tell me whether it was emotional, physical or both?
zilverenvlinder Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 You broke up with him. You weren't technically still "sleeping" with him during that three months if you only hooked up one time, and you're angry that he rebounded with his baby mamma after you broke up with him? This seems a little odd to me. Obviously you still have feelings for him if you're stringing him along, which it seems a little like you're doing. I remember breaking up with a LOT of guys and then completely forgetting about them and not answering their calls, no problem. I think you need a minute to sort out how you actually feel about this guy. If you want him back, take him back. If you don't, just let the WHOLE thing go. You have to make a decision. Good luck. ;-)
Author muse08 Posted September 14, 2009 Author Posted September 14, 2009 yes, i broke up with him. for several reasons and since this post i have decided to just let it go altogether.i made the mistake of being nice and falling for his numerous calls and messages and nice deeds.he won't stop calling or texting. i have stopped responding to him. he may get the message this time... the main point of this post was that he would not admit being with her til this day even though i asked him several times. so i was considering a relationship again, but since then i feel that along with the other issues, the trust cannot be regained. thanks for your reply
SierraRose Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 Hi. just wanted to ask you about your situation that you said turned abusive. abuse is abuse, but if you don't mind can to tell me whether it was emotional, physical or both? An abusive relationship is similar to a roller coater ride; laughter, excitement at first (cause he is soooooo sweet), eventually terror, sickness, fear...and just when you think the cars have stopped, it takes off again...over and over and over. It will only stop when YOU say NO MORE. An abusive relationship generally starts out like u think you have met the man of your dreams. He's kind, attentive, fun...everything. Slowly he starts to suffocate you; if he is not with you, he needs to call you. He needs almost constant contact. He will get you to cut off your friends and family. Isolate you. It's all about him, after all he loves you. He wants to marry you. Have babies. Tells you everything he thinks you want to hear. Before you know it you are in a fog, knee deep in sh*t. Abusers are manipulative, controlling, and have a sick mind. They are narcissists who are incapable of loving anyone, not even themselves. Please do yourself a favor and RUN. No contact, means no contact. No phone, no emails, no texts. Nothing. Save the text messages in case they get threatening in anyway, and show them to the police. Please, if you feel you are afraid GO TO THE AUTHORITIES.
Bejita463 Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 Is there anything else I can or should do to put him on pause so that he really gets the picture? Restraining order.
Author muse08 Posted September 15, 2009 Author Posted September 15, 2009 He's kind, attentive, fun...everything. Slowly he starts to suffocate you; if he is not with you, he needs to call you. He needs almost constant contact. this discription is so amazingly right on point with him...when we were together and i was at work.he would call me literally 10 times some days, especially if i didn't call him back within an hour or so. then he would complain about me not calling him as much as he called me. (ahhh,that's bcuz you're literally ALWAYS calling me.i never had a chance).i had to tell him to ease up.he did, for a hot minute then continued. even now that we're not together.he's calling me right now. when we were together he tried to stay at my place every single nite. i had to make him go home so i could get adequate rest and just have some time to myself.he would say things like "that's ok...God knows if you're doing something wrong". i'm like where on EARTH did that come from??? i'm not really afriad per se.i just feel annoyed b/c he may be calling me through the nite as well.i've never seen him get violent. he told me his brother is though and he(my ex) acts like he may be on meds sometimes bcuz he's so flat with his emotions. all jokes aside,but like billy crystal in "analyze that", my ex seems as if his mouth is desensitized sometimes by the amount of saliva that comes from his mouth sometimes.there've been times when i would not kiss him bcuz of it.and when eating its been almost the same...i honestly was concerned about it at one point....he's still calling. i will keep you guys posted.i don't want to have to get an RO for him, but if he acts like he doesnt understand whats going on then i may have to.
SierraRose Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I can tell you he will never "get it." Shut off your phone. Block his emails. If he shows up at your house, DO NOT answer the door. I don't want to scare you, but this type of person may try to force his way into your home. You need to be prepared to call the authorities. This is not a joke Muse, in any way. Realize you are not dealing with a rational human being. Any attention you give him, even if it is negative--he still sees it as attention. CUT HIM OFF COMPLETELY. I can not stress this enough. People like this are loose canons and unpredictable..please be careful.
oceanbeauty Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 This guy sound like he is obsessive, a compulsive liar, & a potential abuser. I've dated someone like this before & they are hard to get rid of... After about a six month relationship I broke up with my ex. He proposed and wanted me to move in with him and tried to get me pregnant several times and some other things that made me pause. Red Flag #1: He's moving way too fast Red Flag #2: He's trying to force HIS will on you Red Flag #3: He's trying to trap you (via pregnancy) So now he still calls and tries to see me like he doesn’t realize we broke up. I have only agreed to see him like twice since the now 3 month separation. That was a mistake. Do NOT agree to see this guy...EVER! With a healthy man, this might be okay. But this guy sounds obsessive. Just allowing him to see you give his delusional mind hope that you are still dating. I have taken trips and done things without telling him and he gets upset. Red Flag # 4: He's upset because he still wants to control you & keep you all to himself. We have been intimate once during the separation and he said he’d been with no one else. HUGE MISTAKE !!! That sent the message that if he keeps pushing and trying to win you back (his refusing to take "no" for an answer) that you will cave in on your word. However, I caught him in a lie. So this means he has been sleeping with here since I don’t know when. Trying to get back with me and still calling all the time and saying he loves me and till this minute saying that I got the conversation turned around. Red Flag #5: He's for sure a liar & probably a cheater. he’s still trying to pursue me and I keep ignoring him and telling him to go ahead with his life. I’ve told him to not expect to see me or be intimate with me again. He's still trying because in his crazy mind there's still hope you'll get back together & he's justified that hope by your past actions (seeing, talking, intimacy after break-up, etc.). To get rid of this guy you have to completely drop ALL FORMS of contact. Do not see him, do not answer even 1 phone call from him, do not return any calls, if he stops by your home do not answer the door. Yet he acts like things are normal and nothing ever happened like he’s on drugs or something…totally oblivious acting, Red Flag #6: He doesn't take no for an answer. Breaking up is not the outcome HE wants so he will continue on like it never happened. so why does he even keep calling me after I told him what I heard and that he needs to stop contacting me? Right now I'm ignoring him. Is there anything else I can or should do to put him on pause so that he really gets the picture? I'd send him an email that you do not want him contacting you ever again (so that you've documented it). Then change all your phone numbers, do not have those numbers listed, & tell all your friends & family that they are not to give him your number. If he stops by your house, do not answer the door & call the police. That should send the message...... And if it doesn't, get a restraining order. Relationships are like plants that need to be watered daily. With a healthy relationship, just by breaking up & reducing the amout of water, the relationship dies. But this guy is unhealthy and like a stubborn cactus. To make this relationship die, you have to give him ZERO water....not even one teny tiny drop.
SierraRose Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I totally agree with Oceanbeauty... If he blows up your phone and calls 50 times and then u answer? What he is hearing is that it will take 50 phone calls to get a responce from you.
Author muse08 Posted September 15, 2009 Author Posted September 15, 2009 I can tell you he will never "get it." Shut off your phone. Block his emails. If he shows up at your house, DO NOT answer the door. I don't want to scare you, but this type of person may try to force his way into your home. You need to be prepared to call the authorities. This is not a joke Muse, in any way. Realize you are not dealing with a rational human being. Any attention you give him, even if it is negative--he still sees it as attention. CUT HIM OFF COMPLETELY. I can not stress this enough. People like this are loose canons and unpredictable..please be careful. thank you for your concern. i'm fine though. he has not come over. he kept calling and very calmly saying he was about to get off and for me to call him like i was going to, but i never called or answered.the last message said he was going home,which was around 11pm.havent heard from him since.
SierraRose Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 ...i never called or answered.the last message said he was going home,which was around 11pm.havent heard from him since. Very good to hear!
Author muse08 Posted September 15, 2009 Author Posted September 15, 2009 Very good to hear! ...he started calling again at 6:15am today. and all day today...
Author muse08 Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 so i was doing fine with NC for about a week, until i inadvertently sent him the text i was trying to send to my girlfriend.what's so crazy is that i was telling her about the advice i was getting to not answer his calls, textes, the door etc b/c he could possibly try to force himself in my home considering how irrational he was being and just not getting what i was saying about not calling or texting me anymore.he got the text.yes, you would think that would help him REALLY get the picture now.however, all it did was make him call me leaving a message saying he wasn't crazy or that type of guy.and proceeded to say(as if he didnt even read that text), "baby just call me back so we can reserve a room and go out of town". i hadnt answered his calls or textes all week, for almost 2 weeks actually.if someone inferred that i was crazy like i said in the text, i would be so embarassed that my pride wouldn't let me contact that person anytime soon.but as i've become aware of, he's not like me or many other people. so this opened the line of communication unintentionally because when he got the text he texted me saying he wasn't crazy and why was i having that idea about him yada yada yada and he called me while i was on the other line.i clicked over w/out checking caller ID first and i was like what are you talking about??so i checked my sent mail and i realized i texted him instead of my girlfriend!i was like OOOMMMMMGGGG...so he's still been texting and calling and got me thinking about him again...i'm now trying to refocus...i hate this happened in one way because i didn't want him to know i was getting advice from others,but in another i'm glad he realizes that i really am trying to avoid him and not trying to play a game. have i set myself back too far in the process of NC or should i stay in "soft" NC mode...?
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