Shock Me Sane Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 So... My on and off again boyfriend will not stop reading my texts, LoveShack posts, MySpace messages, etc. When we broke up the first time, he found out I was sleeping with someone else by going through my messages. Even though this is something he found out by violating my privacy after we had already split, somehow this became the reason we broke up when it really wasn't. He's become ridiculously obsessed with this other person I was seeing. He's gathered this whole list of facts about him by reading my texts to him, reading my messages to friends, and reading my LoveShack posts. I've changed my name on LoveShack twice, but that hasn't deterred him. We got back together after the first break. I cut off all contact with the other person I was seeing, but somehow my boyfriend just got worse and worse. I don't even understand why he wanted to get back together if he just wanted to flip out and go on these crazy rants about this other guy. He didn't even tell me until weeks after we got back together that he knew my LoveShack name and was reading my posts the entire time we were apart. Now, he'll get mad and quote my texts and posts back to me as if it's my fault he read all this. We're not together now because of this issue. He says he can't get over how much I liked this other guy and all the sexual things I did with him, which he would have no clue about if he hadn't invaded my privacy. So, a.) Do you think he can ever stop obsessing and spying and honestly have some sort of relationship with me? b.) Is there any way I can change my LoveShack handle without making a whole new account? lol. I kind of think he needs therapy, but maybe I'm just overreacting.
Normaeinstein Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 No, he cannot have any type of relationship with you. You and he have to cut it off. He is going crazy because you cheated on him. He needs to be able to move on and find a woman that he can trust and wont do such a horrible thing to him. MOVE ON
Author Shock Me Sane Posted September 5, 2009 Author Posted September 5, 2009 He is going crazy because you cheated on him. He needs to be able to move on and find a woman that he can trust and wont do such a horrible thing to him. I think you made some assumptions about my situation. And you're rude.
Javelin Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 So... My on and off again boyfriend will not stop reading my texts, LoveShack posts, MySpace messages, etc. Most people tend to snoop because they feel something is not right... Tell me something, Did you meet the person you were, 'sleeping with' before you and your now ex-boyfriend separated the first time?
Author Shock Me Sane Posted September 5, 2009 Author Posted September 5, 2009 Well... yeah, I worked with him for months before we ever started seeing each other. I wasn't out acting single and looking for something before we split up though. And I don't work there anymore.
Javelin Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 Well... yeah, I worked with him for months before we ever started seeing each other. I wasn't out acting single and looking for something before we split up though. And I don't work there anymore. Okay, let me ask my question from a different perspective. Were you friends, associates, had a thing for, kinda liked, thought about this guy at your office while you were with your boyfriend? Basically, anything that YOU think (looking from the outside in) would cause your boyfriend any type of suspicion to snoop around and dig stuff up? I ask because, it seems like he's invading your privacy because he may have been jealous.
Author Shock Me Sane Posted September 5, 2009 Author Posted September 5, 2009 anything that YOU think (looking from the outside in) would cause your boyfriend any type of suspicion to snoop around and dig stuff up? Well, yeah... I was interested in and went out with my co-worker twice before we broke up. The first time was just a casual hang out with a group at a bar. My boyfriend wasn't suspicious or jealous about that though. I think he snooped and suspected something because I wasn't very upset when he broke up with me, and I had no interest in getting back together. I was kind of desensitized at that point. Before this, he had broken up with me a hand full of times. We'd always get back together 1 or 2 days later. I got pretty sick of him wanting to break up every time we had an argument. Plus, some other events that happened around that time had put a rift between us, and he just generally turned into this angry, suspicious person. After I moved out, we both dated other people, he got his sh*t together, and then he wanted to get back together. Blah blah.
Javelin Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 Well, yeah... I was interested in and went out with my co-worker twice before we broke up. The first time was just a casual hang out with a group at a bar. My boyfriend wasn't suspicious or jealous about that though. I think he snooped and suspected something because I wasn't very upset when he broke up with me, and I had no interest in getting back together. I was kind of desensitized at that point. Before this, he had broken up with me a hand full of times. We'd always get back together 1 or 2 days later. I got pretty sick of him wanting to break up every time we had an argument. Plus, some other events that happened around that time had put a rift between us, and he just generally turned into this angry, suspicious person. After I moved out, we both dated other people, he got his sh*t together, and then he wanted to get back together. Blah blah. Ahh, well there you go. Seems to me like the two of you continue to beat on a dead horse.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 So... My on and off again boyfriend will not stop reading my texts, LoveShack posts, MySpace messages, etc. When we broke up the first time, he found out I was sleeping with someone else by going through my messages. Even though this is something he found out by violating my privacy after we had already split, somehow this became the reason we broke up when it really wasn't. He's become ridiculously obsessed with this other person I was seeing. He's gathered this whole list of facts about him by reading my texts to him, reading my messages to friends, and reading my LoveShack posts. I've changed my name on LoveShack twice, but that hasn't deterred him. We got back together after the first break. I cut off all contact with the other person I was seeing, but somehow my boyfriend just got worse and worse. I don't even understand why he wanted to get back together if he just wanted to flip out and go on these crazy rants about this other guy. He didn't even tell me until weeks after we got back together that he knew my LoveShack name and was reading my posts the entire time we were apart. Now, he'll get mad and quote my texts and posts back to me as if it's my fault he read all this. We're not together now because of this issue. He says he can't get over how much I liked this other guy and all the sexual things I did with him, which he would have no clue about if he hadn't invaded my privacy. So, a.) Do you think he can ever stop obsessing and spying and honestly have some sort of relationship with me? b.) Is there any way I can change my LoveShack handle without making a whole new account? lol. I kind of think he needs therapy, but maybe I'm just overreacting. Hi shock 1st off let me say I'm not trying to judge you things happen and good on you if your trying to work them out. That said Ive been cheated on in my current relationship in a way and its extremely hard to fully trust again. Every time hes late theres always that wonder of whats going on I know how your bf feels. The question is can he deal with it and move past it or not and it seams he just cant poor guy. So in that case the kindest thing you could for him is to end things I think and take it all as a learning experience. As some one else said he needs a new start and some one who he can trust fully again. Not saying that your a bad person shock but the deeds been done and seams there is no going back now. Likewise you deserve a fresh start as well its a sad hard situation best of luck to you both..
Normaeinstein Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 Sorry! I didn't mean to assume. I just meant to say that he has big issues with it all and wont get past it, probably not ever. So he will never stop snooping!
Island Girl Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 Why is he still referred to as your boyfriend? At this point that should be prefaced with "EX". Seriously both of you need to cut bait and move on with NC.
boogieboy Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 You would either have to let him snoop on all your accounts and make sure theres nothing he will see that will incriminate you, for a long time, or you have to permanently break up. He will obsess until he feels he can trust you, which might be never since he likes to throw your posts back in your face all the time.
samsungxoxo Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 Not so sure if by reading your post, you meant that you slept with the OM prior to your break-up or afterwards. If it was before breaking up with your boyfriend then you cheated and that means you should prove him that you're trustworthy again. By acting defensive, this relationship will get no where. If this happened after breaking up then it's really none of his business. However, I see that in either way, there is no point in continuing this messed up relationship. How do you want to be in a relationship that's giving headaches????
You'reasian Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 I think you made some assumptions about my situation. And you're rude. You just called this guy rude for not siding with you lol. Pot calling the kettle black. There was clearly a breach of trust in your relationship. You screwed around with this guy while being involved with your boyfriend at the same time. My best advice to you would be to break up with the guy and go no-contact. Be honest. Explain that you're not ready to be in a monogamous relationship and would prefer to be in an open one. If you counter-accuse the privacy thing, he's just going to lose that much more respect for you since you broke the trust in the first place.
TaraMaiden Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 You'll get more privacy if you change your passwords, though.....
JackJack Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 Sounds like a game to me. Obviously you don't really want to be with him. He can't let go of what you did before and seems jealous. If you break things off with him, and change your passwords to everything then he can't get into your stuff anymore now can he? Good luck!
lostsunsets Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 You and your "EX" boyfriend are toxic. You don't have a problem cheating and he doesn't have a problem violating your privacy. I guess it comes down to whether you learned anything. You seem to have no regrets about cheating. The point is that when you love each other, you don't care about privacy and he won't find it necessary to invade it. Funny how that works.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted September 6, 2009 Posted September 6, 2009 The point is that when you love each other, you don't care about privacy and he won't find it necessary to invade it. Funny how that works. Thats very true!
You'reasian Posted September 6, 2009 Posted September 6, 2009 Well, yeah... I was interested in and went out with my co-worker twice before we broke up. The first time was just a casual hang out with a group at a bar. My boyfriend wasn't suspicious or jealous about that though. I think he snooped and suspected something because I wasn't very upset when he broke up with me, and I had no interest in getting back together. I was kind of desensitized at that point. Before this, he had broken up with me a hand full of times. We'd always get back together 1 or 2 days later. I got pretty sick of him wanting to break up every time we had an argument. Plus, some other events that happened around that time had put a rift between us, and he just generally turned into this angry, suspicious person. After I moved out, we both dated other people, he got his sh*t together, and then he wanted to get back together. Blah blah. You guys would have probably been better off being in an open relationship to begin with. Was he seeing someone else while seeing you?
tinktronik Posted September 6, 2009 Posted September 6, 2009 You guys would have probably been better off being in an open relationship to begin with. Was he seeing someone else while seeing you? WTF? The op stated that she did not see the other guy in a romantic sense until after her and her BF were broke up. Therefore she did not cheat. OP, your ex- BF is crossing some serious lines by snooping through your private email and activities. What you do when you all are broken up is none of his business.
MSUE Posted September 6, 2009 Posted September 6, 2009 it has always cracked me up when people go nuts about oh my privacy was violated bottom line and throw a tantrum over it when truly that's not the real problem...lol...it is violated because something doesn't add up...its a gut instinct...and he was right about his feelings caught you cheating... so now there are major trust issues...maybe you 2 should break up all together...he doesn't trust you...very obvious as he won't stop checking up on you and you are aggravated by his "invasion" of privacy" truthfully you are are responsible for him acting this way...after all you cheated and he caught you right on
EsmerKiss7 Posted September 6, 2009 Posted September 6, 2009 Regardless of who cheated on who or whatever, this doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. Honestly, he may never trust you again and continuing your relationship will probably lead to worse problems and more anguish and heart ache - it's probably best to break it off.
Brady_to_Moss Posted September 6, 2009 Posted September 6, 2009 This is what i dont understand..why girls stay with guys like this and why guys stay with girls like this. I just dont get how people can live with this much drama.
jeepchick Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 Whether or not you cheated on your bf, the real issue for him is probably that you were sleeping with someone else shortly after your relationship with him ended. Which you have to admit would raise some concerns for him. What do you want out of this? If you want to stay with this guy, then there will obviously be a period of accountability, where you need to be completely open and honest with him and not get defensive when he starts grilling you about where you were and who you were with and who is john doe posting on your fb. Yeah, it's annoying, but it will help get the trust back. If this sounds like too much of a hassle, then cut and run.
Dexter Morgan Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 So... My on and off again boyfriend will not stop reading my texts, LoveShack posts, MySpace messages, etc. When we broke up the first time, he found out I was sleeping with someone else by going through my messages. LMFAO...so let me get this straight....you were cheating, and you are pissed because he acted on a hunch and caught you. oh brother. We got back together after the first break. for gods sake why? if you were screwing another guy behind his back, why not just move on and leave the poor guy alone? why get back with him if you feel the need to cheat? I cut off all contact with the other person I was seeing, but somehow my boyfriend just got worse and worse. I don't even understand why he wanted to get back together if he just wanted to flip out and go on these crazy rants about this other guy. I'll agree with you there. He is nuts for wanting to get back with you. He didn't even tell me until weeks after we got back together that he knew my LoveShack name and was reading my posts the entire time we were apart. Now, he'll get mad and quote my texts and posts back to me as if it's my fault he read all this. We're not together now because of this issue. its not because of this issue, its because of what you did. He says he can't get over how much I liked this other guy and all the sexual things I did with him, which he would have no clue about if he hadn't invaded my privacy. LMFAO!!! so you wanted to get away with it and keep him in the dark? So, a.) Do you think he can ever stop obsessing and spying and honestly have some sort of relationship with me? no, because a) you have scarred him pretty bad, this is what cheating does....and b) because a committed relationship with you is apparantly not possible. you are a cheater. I kind of think he needs therapy, but maybe I'm just overreacting. you are a cheater, you need therapy just as much as him.
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