idiot Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 It has been a little over a year since my break up. So i thought i would rant something about my relationship and my life after it. I do it mostly for selfish reasons. We were together for 2 and half years, my first love and me. It all started in school. She had a crush on me and she txt'd me. I didn't reply. Year later she talked to my friend and my friend promised that i would reply this time. When the txt came i was in hospital for a few days so i couldn't answer. Which brought some uneasy moments to my friend when she came complain about me not answering. When i finally did answer things took off. At first it was always her who initiated the contact, but as things progressed the roles changed. I became the chaser. I remember the first time in her house and how nervous i was, expecially when her dad came to the room and said something about my bad religion logo which i had on my msn. First few months of our relationship was just cuddling without much talk. As i said, the first half year was great, but after that she started to show her true nature. It began with her saying that she needs space. I begged her back. And because it worked once i began to use it every time in the future. What happened next? She started to break up with me, insult me and use other guys to hurt me and make me jealous every time we had i fight. And i begged her back. About a year and a half in our now rocky relationship i went twice to a stripbar which isn't a big deal, but not telling about it when she asked was a big deal. when i finally told her about it, things went as i feared and once again she broke up with me but this time she was with another guy for 2 months. And i did what i had always done, i begged and promised to change. We got back together again. Every time she left me i started to resent her more and more. I didn't like her as a person, i didn't like having sex with her. But still her total control of me prevented me from leaving. She said that she was the best woman i could ever get and it got to the point where i believed it. So, after we got together again it was quite calm for a few months. Not good but quite calm. Until it all happened again, she got mad, broke up with me and i begged. I drove to her house to solve the situation as so many times before. She refused to open the door so i called her and she told me to not contact her anymore as so many times before. But this time was different, after she hang up on me, something clicked in my brain and i had finally had enough. i didn't contact her for about a month and when i did, i didn't try to get her back. I just told her best wishes and i haven't contacted her since. Am i over her? no. but i am doing much better and i would be even better off if i wouldn't check her facebook every now then. I guess the worse the relationship the harder it is to get over it. In my first relationship i did almost as much mistakes as one can do, propably more. What has happened since? I worked, hanged out with friends, lost a not so good friend and gained an old friend. started going to gym, got in fight for the first time in my life ( first time i didn't back down ), got myself in university and moved to a new city. i'm also thinking about going abroad as a exchange student in the future. Maybe to US. What about women? Well, first i condemned every woman, even felt hatred towards them, then i came back to my senses and realized that only one woman has treated me like ****. All in all things have been dry. but completely because of me. i'm afraid to start anything because i don't want history to repeat itself. on second thought **** that! history wont repeat itself if i wont let it. So next time i there's something going on i will see where it leads!
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