Badlovespell Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 Long Story short. I got together with my bf almost two years ago. The way we got together was very unconventional(another whole story) and he moved in abruptly as he had no where to go. We have endured torture and dissaproval from all sides this entire time. My ex-, his ex, custody battles, you name it, it has happened. I was divorced for 6 years when we got together and my ex still gave us complete torture, not to mention his ex and he ridiculous PFA's and withholding his children from him. Anyhow.... we were madly, crazy in love. We did not care about the chaos surrounding us and what battles we would have ahead. We were soul mates and perfect for each other in every way. It was bliss, for a time and now it is... Pure Hell. We moved into his house in February, along with my 3 children. Things have gone downhill fast, and I am starting to wonder if I am insane? I need to know what the deal is...I love him, yes but can not live one more day like this. Please note, I am not male bashing...I adore him, but these are things...that when I bring them up, he acts like I am ridiculous and hard to get along with. 1. The house is in foreclosure. His ex moved out, we moved in and the mortgage company demanded back payments that we did not have the money for. Still do not know what to do. He will take no initiative. We will be homeless and I can do nothing legal, because my name is not on the house, no one will even speak to me. 2. We both work steady 40 hrs., I am in school as well and have my children 95% of the time. He is the king of the castle. He does no hosework. He said he is not good at it. Never lifts a finger to help. Not once. Cuts the grass only when it is knee high. I do all of the finances, the laundry, the shopping, the dinner. I get his clothes out for him. He asks nicely, but my children do not even ask me to do this. 3. He has a ton of personal bills. Nice car, motorcycle payment, tool bills(he is a mechanic) Dr. every month and prescription for his medication to treat his opiate addiction. He is a recovering addict. I have no bills. one small loan payment. His personal bills way exceed his income every month, as for a long time he was only bringing home 800 dollars a month. His bills are double that + He feels entitled to spend money. 35 dollars for breakfast at work, fast food three times a day and this is all after I have woken and packed a nice lunch for him that never gets eaten. Not once. He tells me I need to sacrifice..like umm..the once a month I buy lunch at work is cut out. He just told me that I don't need a cell phone. He just bought a G-1 phone that we have to pay an extra 25 a month for internet. I have the same phone I had when I got the plan two years ago, i let him use my upgrade. 4. Our intimate life is horrible. He only sleeps in bed with me maybe once a week...if that. 5. When he is off work (like this week) he stays up all night playing video games, watching movies etc...then sleeps all day and does nothing else...but make a mess 6. He drinks at least 20 cans of coke a day. At least. 7. Tells me to clip coupons and then goes to the store and buys fiet mignon. Tells my children not to eat "his food", they are paranoid to ask for a snack or drink. He gets irate if a child eats/drinks what he feels is for him. He eats nothing but junk food. Orders pizza/hoagies/crap when he feels like it. If i cook dinner he will eat oodles of noodles instead. If I don't cook dinner he gets upset. 8. Constantly monitors everything we do in the house. Shut the lights out, don't crinkle the cords, don't fingerprint the video games, hang your towels up, shut the door this way, take your shoes off this way and put them here...it is constant...all night long. My kids walk around like they don't even know what to do anymore and I feel terrible. I agree with him about rules, but he is ridiculous. 9. Has not one life skill. Not one. I feel like he is a big 12 year old. If I don't do something up to his standards he has a temper fit. Very hot trigger...he never ceases to ask me to do everything and anything for him. That is only some of it. Now, the reason I am posting here is because I do truly love him. underneath this odd behavior he is loving, and considerate. He loves animals, is very affectionate to me and is a hard worker at his job. I just feel so torn...like he has some strange mental illness and I can't leave him.....to I better get out now while I can and save myself. I feel like he is playing a huge game with me, getting me to conform because he knows I love him...and what am I getting out of this?!? I do tend to have issues with over functioning, fear of abandonment and bpd tendencies with my emotions. I rarely, if ever argue these points, but when I do..look out. Can someone tell me anyway I can get him to see that I am not his mother? What approach can I take to get him to take some responsibility for himself...what do I do. I know I am not crazy. This is my life.
Stung Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 Why is it that your self-esteem is so poor you feel this man is deep-down good and lovable and what you deserve just because he is kind to animals and has a job? Trust me, there are many men in the world who are kind to animals, employed, and also good in bed, affectionate, good and consistent with children, and who manage to pay their own bills without extorting money from their girlfriends. He is a mess. He is using you, and he is bad for your children. You yourself describe the situation as pure hell. Listen to yourself. Get out. Consider getting counseling to build up your self-esteem and your expectations a little bit for next time. And by the way, the next time a relationship starts out in that kind of high drama, consider it a red flag.
VegasFan Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 I agree with Stung, you need to deal with your poor self esteem issues, and stop dating losers. If nothing else, think of your kids. They are not being treated well.
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