JP2009 Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 Well I met this girl because I work with her mom and her mom would always hint to me about her daughter, well come to find out she was doing the same thing to her daughter about me. Anyway I sent her a message on facebook and bam instant connection, only thing is she lived 12 hours away. So after a month of talking to her over text and over phone. She and her parents decided it would be good for her to move home. We hit it off instantly. Dated for six months. Then she found somebody new even before we broke up. Didn't cheat on me, just had a new friend he was two weeks out of an engagement when they met. She seen things he was saying and doing for her that I wasn't doing. So she got rid of me. Totally left me in the dust. Wanted nothing to do with me even though she told me we could be friends. She didn't think I knew about this guy but obviously it's a small town and things get back to you. She seems completely happy with him. I've seen them out a few times and she just ignores me like I'm somebody she never knew. We were so in love and she told me even a few days before we broke up how much she loved me. Talked about our future together. Ladys can you please tell me how you can just up and leave somebody and completely just forget about them? Is this possible? Is there a chance she'll ever talk to me again?
CJ77 Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 From my perspective as a girl, I cant even understand how this situation even makes sense. Usually for woman when we love our man thats it Times when we wouldnt mean it is when we know the guy loves us and we are in love with the idea that someone loves us. Or you are always saying i love you first and she isnt mature enough to not say anything in return until she feels it and means it. If she really loved you she wouldnt have let you go two days afterwards for another guy. I mean how long was she feeling for him while she was still with you. I say forget this girl (i know easier said than done), but look at the whole picture, sge doesnt even have the decency or respect to even say hello when she runs into you. you deserve better
Author JP2009 Posted September 5, 2009 Author Posted September 5, 2009 It hurts the most losing our friendship. That's why I want her just to talk to me, but I know she has fallen hard for her new dude. She told me I didn't show her enough affection, and I didn't make her a priority. I don't know how long she knew this guy or was talking to him before she decided to end it with me. It's so crazy though, because I've seen them out at the bar a few times and it's like they aren't even dating, he just kind of floats behind. When I was out with her I would have my hand on her thigh or my arm around her. It just doesn't make much sense to me. I just really wanted it to work, I got so close to her family in such a short period of time, it's like losing three or four friends at once.
CJ77 Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 I know....i reallly do understand how you are feeling and I know you are hurting Sometimes the only one who can answer our unanswered questions is that person themself Because like I said it doesnt make all that much sense, but im sure you will at some point have the missing pieces to the puzzle whether its something you see, hear, or who knows maybe you will have an opportunity at some point to talk to her again where you can ask all your questions and see what she says. but in the meantime take comfort in knowing that you will feel better, may take alot of time but you will get through this and the more you are away from her and not speaking to her the more you will stop dwelling on it and you will start to heal and move on. Take it from someone who has had their heart severely broken
Author JP2009 Posted September 5, 2009 Author Posted September 5, 2009 Well I know she broke up with me because of him. I can see that I probably wasn't giving her enough affection, but I invited her to everything I did. At the time of the break up she was super stressed out about a lot of things, probably including our relationship. So I'm guessing the guy she was talking to, since he was freshly out of a relationship himself, was looking for somebody to take his mind off his ex as well. As I guy I know we can feed off of girls with broken hearts. Say the right things and bam, sometimes it's that easy. I just won't understand why she just cut me off, cut my friends off. Deactivated Facebook, but I caught her coming off and on once in awhile. Don't know what for... But she never did this with her ex before me. I just don't know why she had to go to such extremes because of the breakup.
Author JP2009 Posted September 7, 2009 Author Posted September 7, 2009 Well I sent her an email last week telling her that I was ok with her and her new guy because she was happy. Told her I knew she had him before we broke up. She replied yesterday. Went back and forth. She is bitter towards me and I don't understand why. It's so depressing that she could just be the nicest person and everybody says that, but now to me she is so bitter and upset.
CJ77 Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 did she say why she is soo bitter and upset??
Author JP2009 Posted September 11, 2009 Author Posted September 11, 2009 She said that me writing the first email makes it bitter, even though all I said was I knew she had somebody before we broke up and that I was ok with it. People keep telling me that it's probably because she still thinks about me and that bugs her because she doesn't want to be thinking about me so it makes her mad at me.
CJ77 Posted September 12, 2009 Posted September 12, 2009 to me,sounds like she doesnt like hearing that your ok with it....
Exit Posted September 12, 2009 Posted September 12, 2009 She doesn't know what love is. These types of girls can talk the talk, talk about a future together and everything else, but they don't understand love. They don't understand that it means being committed to one person, that you don't give up so easily the first second you're unhappy. You have to realize the same thing I've had to realize about my ex, no matter how much we talked about our future, clearly she was not serious about it. They would not be able to walk away from us and the future we discussed if it meant the slightest bit to them. If they really felt like they were losing the person they wanted to spend their lives with, they would be going through just as much agonizing pain as we are. 6 months, falling in love, talking about a future, is moving fairly quick. Now she's with someone who just got out of an engagement and doesn't see anything wrong with that. These people do not understand love. Walk away and save yourself. Maybe one day she will grow up and mature, maybe she won't. It's not your job to convince her, no matter how bad you want to be with her.
Author JP2009 Posted September 14, 2009 Author Posted September 14, 2009 Thanks for the replies. I sent my last email back to her last Monday. It was dumb because I told her that I was happy for her and just wanted to be her friend and that I missed talking to her. So now she probably thinks that I'm still there. She never replied. It was a dumb move on my part. I've just never had an ex completely just quit talking to me and want nothing to do with me. I know its better for me in the long run, but still. I'm the kind of person that doesn't want to lose friends no matter the situation. I'm sure she was bitter about me needing a break before she broke up with me, since I've recently found out that I was the first person to ever break up with her. Can't go through your whole life never being the person on the receiving end of a break up. haha. *So I've never been in a relationship with somebody who has recently been engaged, but can somebody tell me what do you think goes on with this situation with my ex and him? Just curious.
Author JP2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 Nobody has been in, or known a similar situation? I heard he broke up with his fiancee two weeks before he met my ex. I mean obviously if he was engaged to this girl there had to be some pretty strong feelings. Is he not comparing her to my ex right now? I've been apart from my ex for three months now. They have known each other that long as well.
Author JP2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 Ok, well since nobody is answering my question. I think I might have gotten the answer, haha. This was my giggle for the weekend... A few weeks ago I seen her new man his bro and a blond haired girl downtown. I didn't think much of it, figured it was his brother's girlfriend. So come to find out later that night the two brothers showed up at a wedding with two blonds. My ex was out of town for a concert. Somebody I happened to know was at this wedding reception and told me that it definitely didn't look like my ex was dating him that night! But yet he stays at my ex's house every night. OH MAN! haha. Wow, it feels so good to hear this. It makes me sad that she is gonna get treated like this, but she did it to herself, so I can't feel too bad.
Author JP2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Author Posted September 23, 2009 Well since nobody is talking, I'll just talk to myself, haha. ANYWAY, yesterday I got the random text from her. I'm not reading into it, nor do I care what she is up to. It read "Hi stranger... Just wanted to say hello and hope life is good" I didn't reply I know this is completely different than what my first post in here was, but I just got sick of her acting the way she did towards me.
Broseph Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Well to me it looks like if her new bf is cheating it will soon come out and she will be coming back to you for support. Not sure if this is already happening??
EarthGirl Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Well I met this girl because I work with her mom and her mom would always hint to me about her daughter, well come to find out she was doing the same thing to her daughter about me. Anyway I sent her a message on facebook and bam instant connection, only thing is she lived 12 hours away. So after a month of talking to her over text and over phone. She and her parents decided it would be good for her to move home. We hit it off instantly. Dated for six months. Then she found somebody new even before we broke up. Didn't cheat on me, just had a new friend he was two weeks out of an engagement when they met. She seen things he was saying and doing for her that I wasn't doing. So she got rid of me. Totally left me in the dust. Wanted nothing to do with me even though she told me we could be friends. She didn't think I knew about this guy but obviously it's a small town and things get back to you. She seems completely happy with him. I've seen them out a few times and she just ignores me like I'm somebody she never knew. We were so in love and she told me even a few days before we broke up how much she loved me. Talked about our future together. Ladys can you please tell me how you can just up and leave somebody and completely just forget about them? Is this possible? Is there a chance she'll ever talk to me again? JP, This is just my instinct (though I've been told my instincts are my greatest talent and I'm almost always on point and most people don't have the kind I have), but I don't know, something in the way your post reads sounds like you are not telling the whole story. Also just logically it does not seem plausible as some other people have said, that she would just up and leave you for another guy and not only that but cut off all contact with you. As some of of the other people said, there are a few things that could be an explanation for that....Either she does not really love you and she just loved the "idea" of you, got scared that your feelings were too real and she ran. Or she is somehow damaged and incapable of love, which someone else alluded too. But I am inclined to choose the third option which is that you are not telling us the whole story...being that we as random strangers on the net have no way to check your facts, perhaps you are just telling your own convenient version of your love story, a retelling that leaves any wrongdoing by you yourself almost completely out of the picture...And you are hoping we will just assume you are telling the God's honest truth and give you sympathy to further validate your retelling in your mind, even if it is mostly fiction. A few things tip me off to this possibility: One..."I'm sure she was bitter about me needing a break before she broke up with me, since I've recently found out that I was the first person to ever break up with her. Can't go through your whole life never being the person on the receiving end of a break up. haha." This has a very cold feeling to it..Yes, it's true most can't go their whole lives without being broken up with, it's part of life, but if you love her so much you would not try to rub it in (even if she never sees this and only us random strangers do-it is still you enjoying feeling superior over her, even if we never met this woman in our entire lives)....A random person on a forum such as this which is concerned with certain issues ...that would be totally cool and kosher, or a therapist or psych person, or clergy of some kind or a trusted friend....if THEY said that to her in a supportive way, that is fine...but the fact is YOU are the one who broke up with her! You are not supposed to say to ANYBODY that "oh well everybody plays the fool, as the song says, it's not a big deal, don't be a baby". Obviously you care very much for HER and are not cool with HER breaking up with YOU, or especially with her refusing to simply ever talking to you ever again. So walk a mile in her shoes ; ) before you say such things. The fact that you put "ha ha" at the end of the statement SCREAMS to me that part of you really likes having the "upper hand" (alla Seinfeld), you liked having power over her (which has nothing to do with love), and part of you actually ENJOYS that she has hurt over you in the past. I know some will say I am "reading into things". But believe me, yes, just a few letters can say SO MUCH if you really look objectively. "It makes me sad that she is gonna get treated like this, but she did it to herself, so I can't feel too bad." Yeah, again, my instinct and the way ALL of your posts have read leads me to believe that you DON'T really feel sad that she is getting treated badly. And it makes me wonder if you ever treated her badly yourself and claimed "she did it to herself"..in that she got herself into the situation with you by loving you and believing you (you'd be surprised how many emotionally abusive men blame the very woman that they hurt and yet claim to love more than anything in the world for taking a chance on them, "doing it to themselves"). Again your words, terminology and attitude scream to me that there is more going on behind the scenes. It sounds SOOOOO familiar it is not to be believed. I could almost believe you are the guy that messed with me, only you don't sound quite like him, as in word usage ...I am not an expert with this kind of stuff but I am guessing you are from diff part of the country than he is. I just think that the "gaslighting" that takes place sometimes tends to have very common threads and if you have been through it, it gets really really easy to detect...Kind of like if you wear a favorite perfume your whole life, then whenever you smell it wherever you are, you can name it just like that. Or I guess it would be more like if there was a certain smell that reminded you of a horrible time in your life, wether it was a good smell or a gross one...you would probably be able to name it with absolutely certainty as if you are some master detective, or some "nose" person or whatever that they have in Paris at the famous boutiques. So my guess is the reason that she has cut of all contact with you is that it hurt her too much to just be your friend and nothing more, so it is preferably to her emotional life and sanity to not see you or talk to you at all whatsoever, if she can help it. It does not mean she doesn't still have feelings for you, and doesn't mean she doesn't think about you still occasionally. But that IF she does have feelings for you still she is most likely protecting herself by staying away from you. She is not doing it to punish you but for her OWN protection...since that is something you probably weren't that concerned with....eventually even the most broken of women with enough time (even if it takes years and years) will realize they deserve better and need to do what's best for THEMSELVES nor matter how much they feel for a certain somebody. I think the only way you have any chance of getting her back or even speaking to her again is if you come clean to her about how you treated her and don't lie (or stretch or bend or even blur the truth) to anyone, including yourself. It does not mean you have to call yourself a monster (cause you're not), just that you admit you have made mistakes and most of all it doesn't matter if you feel super guilty about it just the you recognize how hurt she was/is by you, and that you feel EMPATHY for her hurtness, wether it was caused by or something or someone else entirely. The minute you start feeling empathy for what she really goes through in life ...you're already half way there, admittedly the second half may be even harder..but still, that's the first and most important step...not doing everything perfectly, but empathy and complete honesty (i.e. if you DO get back together someday and you cheat on her, at least do not keep it secret for months and then let her find out and leave her either because you love the other woman or you love her but you feel too guilty to look at her anymore so you run. At least be honest, if that is the very best you can do, then just do your best, that's all anybody can do). If you don't start to do these things, then you may be able to charm your way back into her life and arms for a moment, but she will figure out what you're really up to quick and she will be out of there yet again before you can say "hey, just chill baby"...Probably finally for good this time, as in your whole lives. years and years, decade after decade after decade until your finally old and grey and die without her by your side. You have to decide wether she is worth it to face the truth, or wether you are willing not only to risk not being her man but never even speaking to her again or seeing her again face to face in your entire lifetime. Just do me a favor and if you decide she is NOT worth it, just don't tell her that.
Author JP2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Author Posted September 24, 2009 Thats a long reply, haha. I am telling you guys the truth. I know I didn't make her a priority as I look back and that was her big thing. But it was something she didn't warn me about. I had no chance to change it and make it better.
ebab83 Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 I'd say that the biggest point here is, you see her new man getting up to no good and then she contacts you. It's a fall back option IMO. She now isn't getting the right kind of attention from him, maybe thinking the grass isn't always greener, but i'm sure that this won't be because she thinks you were the one all along. It will most likely be going where the attention is at the time. My advice would be, don't give her the attention until you are ready to deal with speaking to her and not wanting it to lead somewhere, as i think you may be mistaken again. I do agree that you may have been more neglectful or something similar than you have realized. Therefore meaning you have omitted a few things, but is that just because you don't see them fully?
Author JP2009 Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 Well word came last week... She got dumped. Everything I was hoping for. But I haven't got the "I miss you text". She wasn't even the one to tell me she got dumped. I'm kind of sad about it though. The more and more details I hear about it, she is in the same boat as I was in. Completely depressed, not wanting to eat, can't sleep. I never wanted her to feel all the pain I felt. So me being the bigger person I sent her a text telling her I heard what happened and know how she is feeling. I told her that I hated my phone sitting silent all day when I was where she is at so if she needed a friend to call or text. She sent a reply saying that means alot and thanked me. I'm not trying to fly back into her life because she wanted nothing to do with me for the past six months. But I'm the kind of person that still cares and would like to have her as a friend in my life no matter what our past was. I haven't heard from her since her reply. I guess the ball is in her court.
sean1970 Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 Well word came last week... She got dumped. Everything I was hoping for. But I haven't got the "I miss you text". She wasn't even the one to tell me she got dumped. I'm kind of sad about it though. The more and more details I hear about it, she is in the same boat as I was in. Completely depressed, not wanting to eat, can't sleep. I never wanted her to feel all the pain I felt. So me being the bigger person I sent her a text telling her I heard what happened and know how she is feeling. I told her that I hated my phone sitting silent all day when I was where she is at so if she needed a friend to call or text. She sent a reply saying that means alot and thanked me. I'm not trying to fly back into her life because she wanted nothing to do with me for the past six months. But I'm the kind of person that still cares and would like to have her as a friend in my life no matter what our past was. I haven't heard from her since her reply. I guess the ball is in her court. Consoling her from getting dumped from the guys she dated after me..? Could not do it...
Author JP2009 Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 I understand it sounds weird. But our breakup was nothing like I've ever experienced before. There was no name calling, everything was pretty calm. I was devistated but kept my space in hopes of having a friendship someday down the road. The girl is a good person. I have nothing against her.
Oh Moe Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 (edited) I deleted to another post. Put in the wrong place. Edited January 5, 2010 by Oh Moe
bittersweet memories Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 Well word came last week... She got dumped. Everything I was hoping for. But I haven't got the "I miss you text". She wasn't even the one to tell me she got dumped. I'm kind of sad about it though. The more and more details I hear about it, she is in the same boat as I was in. Completely depressed, not wanting to eat, can't sleep. I never wanted her to feel all the pain I felt. So me being the bigger person I sent her a text telling her I heard what happened and know how she is feeling. I told her that I hated my phone sitting silent all day when I was where she is at so if she needed a friend to call or text. She sent a reply saying that means alot and thanked me. I'm not trying to fly back into her life because she wanted nothing to do with me for the past six months. But I'm the kind of person that still cares and would like to have her as a friend in my life no matter what our past was. I haven't heard from her since her reply. I guess the ball is in her court. I don't mean to come out harsh but you need some "Self Respect". Im not buying that all you want is to be just friendds with her. Come on, this girl dumped you for another guy and all you've been doing is kissing her a s s.. You are a doormat to her..why would you like to be friends with someone who doesn't give a crap about you and wanted nothing to do with you after the break up. Move on and gain some self respect and watch her come around.
Dream Brother Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 Consoling her from getting dumped from the guys she dated after me..? Could not do it... Me neither and EarthGirl that was a fantastic reply.
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