phoenix1 Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 I know some people will probably rip me apart and say "move on", and I know you are right. But, that's not where I am at right now, and that's why I'm in "second chances". We have broken up a couple times, (he's very CP) and he has slept with someone else in those times, did online dating and been on a few dates. However this time he has been dating this girl for about 3 weeks. We only broke up about 5 weeks ago. 2 weeks ago he was just talking about getting back together with me....I was hesitant, understandably. I wanted to give it a little time, and we were in LC. We are now in NC for about 10 days. He actually told me, before we went NC, that he told this girl the reason we broke up was that we loved each other, but he was too wishy washy. (Can't believe she hasn't seen this red flag) When they start seeing someone else like this, so soon, is any chance of getting back together gone. I can't but think even if he is with this girl, he is conflicted, and they don't have the history and bonding that me and him have. I so wish I could let go, and some days I'm more ready. But not today. Opinions?
JP2009 Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 Well. My ex gf dumped me over two and 1/2 months ago now. She dumped me because she found somebody else who was doing things for her that I was not. She seems completely happy and hasn't given me any false hopes. It is still killing me to this day but she has not tried to contact me for any reason. Very depressing.
JP2009 Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 I've researched and researched and researched some more about this situation. Everybody calls it a rebound relationship. It is just really hard for me to put it in the category because she seems so happy. It took her two months to tell her family about him and most of her friends. I wish she would come back buy my hope is fading Did I mention that the day they met he was two WEEKS out of an engagement... Sad for me because that means this guy knows how to get to that level.
Author phoenix1 Posted September 4, 2009 Author Posted September 4, 2009 Sorry, yeah it sucks. I know for a fact he did not meet this girl until about 2-3 weeks after we broke up. We did not break up because of her, or anyone else. Mostly commitment, or lack of commitment reasons. Friends have said she's probably just a distraction from his feelings. Are they just trying to make me feel better? I guess time will tell.
JP2009 Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 Well it is true. Somebody that quick out of a relationship and into a new one is more than likely using the new person as a way to get past the feelings they had for you. This has come with my research. So in the end it could benefit you because he will always be comparing them to you. Seeing things he misses about you. I know we all hope and pray that someday they will come back. It's human nature, I just don't like it!
Beeotch Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 My ex has a new gf and as I suspected he really does not like her much and although is with her is still trying to talk to other women and so forth....totally disrespecting her and this sham relationship. I am saying that to say that people like that and people who enter into rebound relationships, often are using this other individual as an emotional crutch and for selfish reasons and may not care for them on that level at all. At this point...your ex is going to jump from relationship to relationship avoiding himself and his problems until he gets tired of it perhaps and decides to make a permanent change so he can have healthy relationships. The truth is, until then, even if he breaks up with this girl and comes running back...you know what? U will end up RIGHT BACK where u started....and you should already know that since it has been a cycle already, in that you already broke up more than once before. Do you really want that? He is UNFIT for ANY relationship until he works on himself...it is NOT about you or any of these other women. It is ALL on him. The "right woman" won't make him change....he has to change for himself. Your focus shouldnt be on getting him back in my opinion, but leaving him alone until HE makes himself better and if it is to be then you guys can try again and make it actually work but with his issues it is DOOMED before it even starts. It is pointless in my mind to enter a doomed relationship esp when you KNOW what the problem is. This new girl is being an idiot too because he admitted his wishy washiness but if he didnt say that she has no knowledge of his prior behavior but YOU on the other hand have been forewarned, you have been with him, know his issues, you all have broken up a couple times...you should not be making the same mistakes. All that happened so you could realize he needs to get it together or it will NEVER work.
Author phoenix1 Posted September 4, 2009 Author Posted September 4, 2009 @Beeotch I totally hear you, and having been through this a few times, I know NOTHING will turn out different until he does some work on himself. I guess my hope is that he will, that even in the excitement of someone new he will not be over us, and want to make changes. I think he even knows too, that if nothing changes, nothing changes. In some ways it's probably just easier to get with someone else who is oblivious to your commitment issues. I thought I was more moved on, but when I heard about her, I just felt so set back. I guess like someone said in another thread, it just makes it seem so final (when they get with someone else) And with the ambivalent man, I kinda always knew he would be back some way, some day. DENIAL, yes, I used it to shield me from my feelings. I feel it slipping away, and it's painful.
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