Dex Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 I'm hoping that people who are friends with their ex's, or people who have had an experience like this can offer some help on this. My bf dumped his last gf over a year ago. I'm not sure exactly how long they were together for, but it was less than a year - I think around 8 months or so. They remained friends after the break up, despite her trying to get back together with him. Since they broke up she has had two other relationships that I know of; the last one ended maybe a month or so ago. I haven't met the ex, and since my bf and I became "official" they've only hung out once. Other than that they just talk on the phone sometimes, or IM each other. Anyways, yesterday my bf told me (I have no idea why) that he hadn't talked to his ex in a couple weeks, so he IMed her to ask her about what's up (she's unemployed, is looking for a place to live, etc.). He said that she was kind of nasty toward him, like when he asked about her job search she said something like "Oh I didn't know you even cared anymore." When he asked her what her problem was she bitched at him about how all her other friends are calling her etc., etc. because she's going through such a hard time right now (), but he hasn't called her, and how last time she called him to tell him about breaking up with her bf he "didn't seem like he even cared." Later that night we were talking, and the ex came up again. He said "Actually, I think that might be the reason ----- (ex) was so pissy toward me." -- The reason being that he loves me so much, and it's pretty obvious on his FB page - photo albums of us, all his default pics are of us together, status updates about me - and that he was never like that with her. To which I said: Well if she were really your friend she would be happy that you're so happy (because that kinda made me mad!). So, I asked one of my friends this morning what she thought. She said that she thinks it's normal for ex's to be a little upset at seeing their ex with another girl/guy, even if they're over each other. What do other people think of this? (Sorry it's so long.)
MeadowGlitter Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 So, I asked one of my friends this morning what she thought. She said that she thinks it's normal for ex's to be a little upset at seeing their ex with another girl/guy, even if they're over each other. What do other people think of this? (Sorry it's so long.) Your friend is right. It's normal for Xes to be upset. Wouldn't you?
Author Dex Posted September 4, 2009 Author Posted September 4, 2009 Your friend is right. It's normal for Xes to be upset. Wouldn't you? To date, I never have been But I also just don't get it - I'm his first gf since they broke up. She's had at least two bfs since they broke up. It was over a year ago that they broke up. It's not as though it just happened, or as though he's moved on and she's still single. I also am not very happy with their "friendship" based on what I wrote in the OP. That doesn't seem right to me. That's not "friends," at least not on her end.
MeadowGlitter Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 To date, I never have been But I also just don't get it - I'm his first gf since they broke up. She's had at least two bfs since they broke up. It was over a year ago that they broke up. It's not as though it just happened, or as though he's moved on and she's still single. I also am not very happy with their "friendship" based on what I wrote in the OP. That doesn't seem right to me. That's not "friends," at least not on her end. It doesn't mean that she has had two boyfriends after him meant that she's really over him. Maybe she's on rebound? For some people it will take longer to get over someone. If you're not happy with their friendship, then that is something you have to discuss with your boyfriend. Does your boyfriend have any idea that you don't like it? Have you expressed it?
Author Dex Posted September 4, 2009 Author Posted September 4, 2009 It doesn't mean that she has had two boyfriends after him meant that she's really over him. Maybe she's on rebound? For some people it will take longer to get over someone. If you're not happy with their friendship, then that is something you have to discuss with your boyfriend. Does your boyfriend have any idea that you don't like it? Have you expressed it? That's true. But if that's the case, if she STILL isn't over him, I guess I'm not really very comfortable with them being "friends" - because you can't be friends with someone that hates the fact that you have a gf who makes you happy, or who wants to f*ck you or get back together with you. I didn't really have an issue until this came out last night. I don't think at all that my bf would ever get back together with her, and I don't think he's attracted to her anymore (based on things I know about their relationship), but I guess for some reason the thought that he would be friends with someone like that makes me kinda mad! BUt it's not as though they hang out all the time, or talk all the time either. Which is why I made that comment (that she's not really his friend if she's not happy for him), and he just said "Well, that's what she's like." Or something like that. He just laughed it off.
MeadowGlitter Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 That's true. But if that's the case, if she STILL isn't over him, I guess I'm not really very comfortable with them being "friends" - because you can't be friends with someone that hates the fact that you have a gf who makes you happy, or who wants to f*ck you or get back together with you. I didn't really have an issue until this came out last night. I don't think at all that my bf would ever get back together with her, and I don't think he's attracted to her anymore (based on things I know about their relationship), but I guess for some reason the thought that he would be friends with someone like that makes me kinda mad! BUt it's not as though they hang out all the time, or talk all the time either. Which is why I made that comment (that she's not really his friend if she's not happy for him), and he just said "Well, that's what she's like." Or something like that. He just laughed it off. I'm sure they were are friends only because they had a history together and you can't expect him to stop being a friend to her, seeing that he knew her before you. To me, the fact he laughed it off shows that he doesn't care much about her. It's like "That's how she is, not worth giving a care for" or something like that. You are really uncomfortable with the situation, so address it. Let him know and see if you both can come to an agreement of some sort.
loveslife Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 It doesn't sound like there's anything shady or untoward going on here. It seems like he's just being decent towards her but doesn't have feelings. If you make him choose or cut her off it could cause all sorts of sore feelings. I'd say just leave it alone.
Author Dex Posted September 4, 2009 Author Posted September 4, 2009 I think if they hang out again I'm going to come along. I'm not comfortable with a "friend" not respecting my bf's relationship with me, so I want her to see me as an actual person.
Cowboy2theCore Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 Well I am sorta friends with my ex. I don't talk to her as much as your bf does. It sounds to me like his ex is not over him. One thing that doesn't help is that they talk all the time. The best way to get completely over with someone is not to talk to them for a long time. Your bf is over her. That is fine. He needs to give her space, but be nice about it. Just so that she can get over him. You can talk to your bf about this and just tell him how you feel. Trust me he will understand. Just let him know that they can still be friends, but you would like her to be completely over him. Let him know that you are just a little bit uncomfortable. Make sure he knows that you do trust him, you just don't trust her. She could get really jealous and mess things up between you and him. I know you probably do, but make sure you think before you talk when you talk to him about. If you have anymore questions then let me know. Also,... do you think you could please read and comment on the latest post I have placed on here. Since you are a female then I believe you would help me out with my situation. Thanks and take care.
New Again Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 I'm similarly unimpressed with my bf's relationship with his more recent ex. Our agreement is that it's inappropriate for them to hang out alone, and if he wants to do that, it will not be with me as his gf. I understand how you feel, because I feel the exact same way. I also trust my bf, it just makes me so mad that he would let an ex disrespect our relationship.
New Again Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 Also, my experience has been that guys can be a little clueless about things - meaning, he will insist that she IS over him - for some reason guys don't always see the things that girls see. Kind of like how (you may have seen there have been posts about this a lot recently) girls "don't know" guys who want to hang out with them/invite them in/etc. want to date/have sex with them, but of course, other guys know what's up. I have no idea if guys who are like this really honestly believe that the other girl has no feelings for him, or if he pretends (plays clueless or whatever) that he doesn't know, just because he likes the attention. But be prepared for a deadend if you tell your bf you think his ex isn't over him. I would bet good money he will insist that she is and that they're "just friends."
Cowboy2theCore Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 If it helps you out here is the link to the post that I have posted... I hope you read what I wrote above. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=2360992#post2360992 Thanks again and take care.
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