jgaz3124 Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 What does everyone make of this one...Last night my ex texted me and said "BTW way to defriend me on facebook classy" Why does he care if I deleted him from my facebook, I mean I did it so I could move on and heal as seeing his profile and name show up all the time was really hurting me. Just a little background information, I broke up with him about a month ago because he decided to ignore me after our two and half year relationship for about a week before I had enough of his s... and broke up with him. Just curious to know why he cares if we are friends or not on facebook as he refuses to talk to me even now and when he does he is always nasty to me?
Island Girl Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 You really shouldn't care. And the fact that you do care means you have more work to do to get past this - and you should block any way he has of communicating with you. It doesn't matter what he thinks. It doesn't matter if he is hurt or wants to still have the option of being friends, etc. I do not mean to sound callous or flip about it at all. It's just that starting a thread to get replies (that will more than likely have replies that are just as confusing because they conflict) only serves to keep you focusing on him, what he is saying or doing, etc. THAT isn't healthy for you at all.
Author jgaz3124 Posted September 4, 2009 Author Posted September 4, 2009 You really shouldn't care. And the fact that you do care means you have more work to do to get past this - and you should block any way he has of communicating with you. It doesn't matter what he thinks. It doesn't matter if he is hurt or wants to still have the option of being friends, etc. I do not mean to sound callous or flip about it at all. It's just that starting a thread to get replies (that will more than likely have replies that are just as confusing because they conflict) only serves to keep you focusing on him, what he is saying or doing, etc. THAT isn't healthy for you at all. Yes clearly I do have more work to do to move on from this, but isn't that the purpose of the loveshack forum. The fact that the text does upset me is the reason that I blocked him from these sites anyways, I was just curious on other peoples opinions as to why he cares. And I am not starting this forum just to start a forum, there again I would think it would be a more healthy option to come on LS and rant and ask question here then to write to my ex and ask him.
Island Girl Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 Yes clearly I do have more work to do to move on from this, but isn't that the purpose of the loveshack forum. The fact that the text does upset me is the reason that I blocked him from these sites anyways, I was just curious on other peoples opinions as to why he cares. And I am not starting this forum just to start a forum, there again I would think it would be a more healthy option to come on LS and rant and ask question here then to write to my ex and ask him. There are multitudes of reasons why he could be doing this. He very well may want to see what kind of a reaction he'd get (showing him if you still care, if he can still get to you, etc.). He may want to point the finger more at your behavior than his as reasons why it didn't work out or an attempt to justify his past poor behavior. He could be missing you and want to reach out but not appear vulnerable AT ALL and get the lines of communication started again. These are just a few - only he'd really know why he did this and if you asked there is no guarantee you'd get the truth. Most signs you have given show he'd lie about his motivation. As I said -- I am not trying to be flippant. My intention was to point out that you can go 'round and 'round with this kind of stuff and it is all unproductive. It just keeps YOU stuck going in circles and over thinking it. So my suggestion was to try to put it out of your head and move toward the point where, if it happened again, you wouldn't give it or him a second thought. And again, I suggest you block all avenues of communication so he can not just pop in out of the blue and cause you to have these cycling thoughts when you are trying so hard to get over him.
Author jgaz3124 Posted September 4, 2009 Author Posted September 4, 2009 Ok you are right there could be a million reasons and it does seem just when I am about to move on he does pop up in some way or form. Like I said I do have him blocked on my social networks and I also have him blocked on AIM. I guess the only thing now would be my cell phone although I am not quite sure how to block someone from your cell other than to just ignore them. In which case I still have to see his name when it pops up on my phone.
Island Girl Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 Ok you are right there could be a million reasons and it does seem just when I am about to move on he does pop up in some way or form. Like I said I do have him blocked on my social networks and I also have him blocked on AIM. I guess the only thing now would be my cell phone although I am not quite sure how to block someone from your cell other than to just ignore them. In which case I still have to see his name when it pops up on my phone. Some phones do block calls from certain numbers - you'll have to check if yours does. If not then change the name for his number to "Self Absorbed Jerk" or whatever word(s) are going to remind you NOT to answer an call and delete any message without reading it -- if you can be that strong. If you must listen to the VM or read the message just remind yourself who this is from and that you are no longer a doormat for this guy to walk all over. You deserve better and if he stays around there will be no possibility of that. The only thing a bad guy does really well is keep the good guys away.
Taucher Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 What does everyone make of this one...Last night my ex texted me and said "BTW way to defriend me on facebook classy" Why does he care if I deleted him from my facebook, I mean I did it so I could move on and heal as seeing his profile and name show up all the time was really hurting me. Just a little background information, I broke up with him about a month ago because he decided to ignore me after our two and half year relationship for about a week before I had enough of his s... and broke up with him. Just curious to know why he cares if we are friends or not on facebook as he refuses to talk to me even now and when he does he is always nasty to me? I can understand why you are pondering his reaction to this. island girl is right to say that it does not matter why he reacted like he did, but it's not easy to think like this. My experience of this: my gf left me 3.5 months ago. A month after that, she finally changed her Facebook status to single. When I saw this, I decided I had had enough of it. I called her and told her that when I got home, I would delete her (and ALL her friends) from Facebook and that I was not doing it to be mean, but for my own sanity. She got so angry on the phone. She has been controlled and polite and nice since she left, but on the phone, she started 'accusing' me of moving on, having a great time etc. - all a million miles from the truth although I did not correct her. She took it very personally that I deleted her from Facebook. I still dont understand why she got like this. She apologised for getting nasty on the phone the next day, but it was too late really. There are a million reasons why she could have reacted like this (like your ex) but I got exhausted of trying to figure out what the reason actually was. I still dont know. I think maybe she was having to face up to what had happened, but who knows. Deleting her off Facebook is the best thing I did. It should be for you too. You have got a little bit of power back. You have made a strong decision and he doesn't like it. That's a good thing. You want to protect yourself, and if that means making it harder for your ex, so be it. Take care. T
BackonTrack2 Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 I think you are having sex with someone else. You broke up with him after 2 years because he was MIA for a week? Sounds to me like you had another option Am i right?
Author jgaz3124 Posted September 4, 2009 Author Posted September 4, 2009 I think you are having sex with someone else. You broke up with him after 2 years because he was MIA for a week? Sounds to me like you had another option Am i right? Actually you are so far from the truth it is not even funny. I look at it as him being very disrespectful to me by not talking to me and leaving feeling very anxiety ridding about the status of us. I made the decision to leave him as it was not a good relationship along and this was the final straw. So no there is no other option, right now I am the only option for me and I will not put up with disrespectful behavior from anybody but I am human and it does still hurt so that is why i am posting on this forum.
Island Girl Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 Actually you are so far from the truth it is not even funny. I look at it as him being very disrespectful to me by not talking to me and leaving feeling very anxiety ridding about the status of us. I made the decision to leave him as it was not a good relationship along and this was the final straw. So no there is no other option, right now I am the only option for me and I will not put up with disrespectful behavior from anybody but I am human and it does still hurt so that is why i am posting on this forum. By ending the relationship you now have the opportunity to have a wonderful one. And you're right. never let anyone continually disrespect you and devalue you. Take some time to yourself and live your life for you. It has more than likely been a long time since you did that for any good length of time. Find a man who knows how to appreciate a woman and treats you with respect. There are plenty out there.
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