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All this talk about romance after marriage, have to ask what is it??? And.....

Toodamnpragmatic

By Toodamnpragmatic
in Marriage and Life Partnerships

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Toodamnpragmatic Established Member

Toodamnpragmatic

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to be sexist, when was the last time your spouse (female) bought you a present????

 

I remember a while back being chastised when I claimed I expected sex if I bought an expensive gift, on my birthday, anniversary, (hopefully:p) her birthday..... Was told that was like paying a prostitute.

 

Add to that getting things you need for your home, but paying more or getting a higher quality model because that is what your spouse wants. Same goes with keeping your mouth shut when your wife wants to spend more or replace something (i.e. furniture, painting, bathroom/kitchen) that you don't want to spend money on.

 

Heck went on two major vacations this year, including one of those once every 10-15 year ones and got no where near enough (ha ha ha), because I don't think (actually know) my spouse doesn't look at it that way. I consider, as do all men that vacations=sex, as the "stress/overwhelmed at work/home" argument is thrown out the window.

 

So in a marriage, romance to me is being home every night, being attentive, participating in the housework (including doing dishes and vacuuming), sadly bringing home a good paycheck and being a good person......

 

Frankly I really get tired of this "romance" argument (and yes I buy flowers and we go out for dinners)..... So cliched and out of a Harlequin novel....

Island Girl Established Member

Island Girl

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You are sad when you bring home a good paycheck...?

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Toodamnpragmatic Established Member

Toodamnpragmatic

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You are sad when you bring home a good paycheck...?

 

 

No not sad..... Just often an expected societal norm and thus part of the overall equation for romance in a male's mind, along with being a good father and faithful husband....:rolleyes:

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

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I bought my partner a book worth £25.00 three days ago.

A fortnight before that, I bought him a new shirt.

 

So far this year, I have spent a total of around £300 on him.... small gifts here and there.

I have received relatively little in return, because I'm the sole earner at present. I'm sure if the roles were reversed it would be reciprocated....

giotto Established Member

giotto

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we3ll, after almost 25 years together, there is no romance... we are a well-oiled machine and really do everything for the kids... as my wife once said, "we are only together because of the kids".... romance? :laugh:

Sam Spade Established Member

Sam Spade

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Women take too many things for granted. I'm with you though. If I take her out regulagly, do my regular share of the housework, come up with ideas of fun places to go, buy nice presents, I better get some credible affection and massage and happy endings in return, otherwise there will be one very angry Sam:mad: who will quickly begin to reallocate the same amount of dough and kindnes towards hookers.

giotto Established Member

giotto

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I bought my partner a book worth £25.00 three days ago.

A fortnight before that, I bought him a new shirt.

 

So far this year, I have spent a total of around £300 on him.... small gifts here and there.

I have received relatively little in return, because I'm the sole earner at present. I'm sure if the roles were reversed it would be reciprocated....

 

we always give each other presents on birthdays... I bought her a photo printer and a very nice bag when we were holidaying in Florence a few weeks ago... well, I bought the bag in Florence, not the printer... :)

EnigmasMuse Established Member

EnigmasMuse

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"Women take to many things for granted."

 

I would say, this is SOME people in general. Including MEN. It's not just about one sex.

angie2443 Established Member

angie2443

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Less than a month ago I bought my husband a gaming book. He's into gaming and had wanted the book for a while. We share the same bank account, so it was really both of our money that went toward the book, but it's the surprise that counts!

EnigmasMuse Established Member

EnigmasMuse

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we3ll, after almost 25 years together, there is no romance... we are a well-oiled machine and really do everything for the kids... as my wife once said, "we are only together because of the kids".... romance? :laugh:

 

 

I'm sorry giotto. Imagine how much happier you would feel and be if you could free yourself from just being with someone "for the kids". You and your wife really aren't doing them any favors by remaining in an unhappy situation.

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Toodamnpragmatic Established Member

Toodamnpragmatic

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we always give each other presents on birthdays... I bought her a photo printer and a very nice bag when we were holidaying in Florence a few weeks ago... well, I bought the bag in Florence, not the printer... :)

 

Just there (that huge vacation I mentioned) and saw all those bags from the vendors and couldn't make heads or tails of them.... Or did you buy it in a shop? Did get her a bag too, but I doubt she would consider that a present, like the ipod (zune) and car kit, which i know she wanted that I got at a silent auction for her. Once married, not sure women (sorry sexist) looks at these types of things as presents (or is it just my wife).

giotto Established Member

giotto

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I'm sorry giotto. Imagine how much happier you would feel and be if you could free yourself from just being with someone "for the kids". You and your wife really aren't doing them any favors by remaining in an unhappy situation.

 

the family situation isn't unhappy... we are civilised, don't argue and we get along... it's not a massive sacrifice... we go on holiday as a family... but we probably would be happier separated... that might happen in the feature, but not now... the negatives don't outnumber the positives, yet, especially after we "fixed" the sex thing a little...

giotto Established Member

giotto

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Just there (that huge vacation I mentioned) and saw all those bags from the vendors and couldn't make heads or tails of them.... Or did you buy it in a shop? Did get her a bag too, but I doubt she would consider that a present, like the ipod (zune) and car kit, which i know she wanted that I got at a silent auction for her. Once married, not sure women (sorry sexist) looks at these types of things as presents (or is it just my wife).

 

well, you don't have my experience in bags, obviosuly... :) and I don't mean old bags.. :p

 

I bought a few for her in the past, but this time she got to pick it... and I paid cash! :D

PandorasBox Established Member

PandorasBox

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When I was married, I usually was the one who did little things for my husband. Buy him things, here and there, go out of my way to do this or that etc. It wasn't reciprocated either. We are divorced now, not because of that of course, but it would have made me feel someone special if he had done a few things for me as well once in awhile. Maybe that was just to hard for him or to big of a thing to ask of him. :laugh: I think in my situation, I chalk it up to me being involved with the wrong kind of person.

PandorasBox Established Member

PandorasBox

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the family situation isn't unhappy... we are civilised, don't argue and we get along... it's not a massive sacrifice... we go on holiday as a family... but we probably would be happier separated... that might happen in the feature, but not now... the negatives don't outnumber the positives, yet, especially after we "fixed" the sex thing a little...

 

 

Not sure of the ages of your kids, but kids know when their parents aren't happy or when things are not as good as they could be. They may not always know Why things are they way they are though, or exactly what it is that's is going on in their parents relationship. I do think they learn from their parents examples. Hopefully when they are older and grown if they did not like the example set for them they can choose another path.

GorillaTheater Established Member

GorillaTheater

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Personally, romance has alot more to do with a look or a touch than presents.

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Toodamnpragmatic Established Member

Toodamnpragmatic

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Personally, romance has alot more to do with a look or a touch than presents.

 

Fine..... Do that too..... Too much and then you are needy or invading the others space (see the movie bomb opening today "All About Steve").

Island Girl Established Member

Island Girl

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Personally, romance has alot more to do with a look or a touch than presents.

 

I'll second this. Romance to me is when he'd run a bubble bath for me that was just about ready when I got hom from work - complete with a glass of wine and candles -- so I could really relax while he cooked our dinner.

 

Or remembering things I'd say and then do them later to surprise me.

Once I had picked up some shelves at a second hand store and wanted to paint them before they were hung. So they went to the garage and they sat.

So one Saturday over a week later I went looking for him and he was in the garage painting those shelves for me -- and that afternoon he hung them.

 

Those kinds of things show me he really cares about ME - what I say, how I feel, etc. And does so simply because he cares not because there is an expected payoff.

 

In the end it is the times like these that makes me want to give him the "payoff" all the time for no reason at all as well.

PandorasBox Established Member

PandorasBox

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Fine..... Do that too..... Too much and then you are needy or invading the others space (see the movie bomb opening today "All About Steve").

 

 

Maybe its all about getting mixed up with a taker? Well, it seems it was that way for me in my situation. I gave to much of not only "things" but my love, time and energy, and boy did he "take".

GorillaTheater Established Member

GorillaTheater

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Fine..... Do that too..... Too much and then you are needy or invading the others space (see the movie bomb opening today "All About Steve").

 

Oh hell, I know that. Having been married for close to 26 years, I'm no rookie at this game. And with 8 kids in the house, it's not like we have the time or space to be hanging all over each other. I'm talking about a more occasional thing, and just expressing my personal view of romance.

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Toodamnpragmatic Established Member

Toodamnpragmatic

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Oh hell, I know that. Having been married for close to 26 years, I'm no rookie at this game. And with 8 kids in the house, it's not like we have the time or space to be hanging all over each other. I'm talking about a more occasional thing, and just expressing my personal view of romance.

 

8 Kids!!!!! Shouldn't you have a Reality show on TLC;). I have more then enough and it is 23 years living together (17 married) and only 2 kids on top of each other.....

giotto Established Member

giotto

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Not sure of the ages of your kids, but kids know when their parents aren't happy or when things are not as good as they could be. They may not always know Why things are they way they are though, or exactly what it is that's is going on in their parents relationship. I do think they learn from their parents examples. Hopefully when they are older and grown if they did not like the example set for them they can choose another path.

 

they are 17, 14, 11 and 8... the two older ones know that we've had problems, but couples do have problems... I'm sure they know that. Many of their friends' parents are divorced and I do believe that they'd rather have us together than separated. There is no tension in the family. There has been, but once we decided to be together, there's no more room for tension or arguments... you know, maybe in the future they might be grateful for the fact that we stuck together...

PandorasBox Established Member

PandorasBox

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they are 17, 14, 11 and 8... the two older ones know that we've had problems, but couples do have problems... I'm sure they know that. Many of their friends' parents are divorced and I do believe that they'd rather have us together than separated. There is no tension in the family. There has been, but once we decided to be together, there's no more room for tension or arguments... you know, maybe in the future they might be grateful for the fact that we stuck together...

 

 

You right they very well could end up being grateful.

 

I had a friend of mine, whose daughter, once she was grown and out of the house, told her own parents she resented them both for staying together "for her", and that because of it, it pretty much f*cked up her life and how she sees things/relationships. Of course only SHE has the power to change herself now and how she views things. But her parents helped to create that for her, I'm NOT saying it will be like that for your kids at all. For some, I do think its like that. I also think, sometimes kids,even when grown wont always tell their parents what they truly thought of the situation either.

Chrome Barracuda Established Member

Chrome Barracuda

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Hmmm I wonder about alot of things too. I mean never in my life has a woman brought me a gift. or offered to take me out to a movie or buy me flowers or chocolates, or anything like that.

 

I want to be pampered too! lol.

Island Girl Established Member

Island Girl

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Hmmm I wonder about alot of things too. I mean never in my life has a woman brought me a gift. or offered to take me out to a movie or buy me flowers or chocolates, or anything like that.

 

I want to be pampered too! lol.

 

CB you need to find yourself a good woman!!!

 

 

Years ago there was an Ann Landers - or Dear Abby column that had been reprinted for Valentine's Day.

They were a set of guidelines for couples - one for her and one for him.

 

Here it is decades later and I remember only one section from the for him:

 

Treat her like the most wonderful person on the planet and she'll believe you are.

 

Truer words were never spoken.

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