contacting him..nervewracking experience

[jmmm]

well i made the decision to call him after he ended it kind of harshly last june..and i even contacted him in october b/c i regretted all my jealousy etc and he said he wasn't ready to do this all over again and he can't right now..if you read my other thread you will see the things he did..now almost a year later i sent him a v-mail......

 

..i sent him a v-mail so it wouldn't ring with my number and possibly interrupt something..i mentioned i have been thinking of him lately, wondering how he is etc and if he wants he can text me back and i left my number in case he didn't have it anymore...he called me back about 3 minutes later and we started talking..i dont remmeber everything word for word b/c it was very nerve wracking, i wasn't expecting his call..i asked him about his mom and how was family etc

 

he was on a vacation with a friend to do something right now..and he said he is very suprised to hear from me after the way things happened so abrupt and how it finalized etc..he did mention my things like he still has it and he wasn't going to throw it away and my heart started to sink a little so i said i regret alot and know if it wasn't for the jealousy most of our problems wouldn't have existed and he was saying hindsight is 20/20 right? and he said im sure i had my flaws too..but i basically put the blame on myself and said no, i don't want to do what i did with whoever i am with and if i knew what it was doing to us and to you it would have stopped, i just never realized it etc....and then he kind of changed the subject and said how is my family and then asked what have i been up to which is when i told him about my traveling and he said very nice and asked who i went with to one of the trips

 

he mentioned he knew my b-day passed and didnt want to call on it and ruin anything and he also knew i didn't want to be friends and thats when i said i dont want to be friends and he says he understands..and at one point in the convo it was brought up how when i contacted him months ago he just didn't want to go through all that again and i said i don't either, i wouldn't to do that again

 

my stuff did get mentioned again and he said something like you would use it again except for maybe that brush in my medicine cabinet(it was all full of hair) and i said bad i know..and he said its still there....and i really tried to get in as best as i could with me being nervous how i wish i could back and do things over and he mentioned i dont believe in changing everything for someone else and i said well this would be for me in general..and then he asked but how can you change like that and just not be that way..something along those lines he siad..and i said well by taking a couple of steps back and asking is this worth reacting to and stressing out about and most times it isn't...he also mentioned it cant be together all the time...and i had no idea what he meant so i asked..and he said like not being able to be out of the person's sight..and i said i know you should have been able to do this or that...and then he mentioned but you should want to do those things too and i agreed and told him i even joined a coed softball league this summer which kind of was a good light topic and he kind of started laughing like i can't picture you doing this and that i would have to see and record etc..and i said no thats embarrassing...we got on the topic of dates and he said you mean to tell me you didn't date anyone..and i didn't know what to say so i said i took some time to myself and then asked him and he said he went out with a few people but nothing b/f and g/f which is what he wanted..he wanted to work and pay off bills etc..so i said ok i expected that..and i mentioned i went on some dates but its not where i wanted to be..and he said there is a lot of garbage out there

 

and when i was mentioning the relationship stuff he said can we talk about this when i get back?

he eventually started to say he is gonna go..i guess b/c his friend was there or they were going somewhere..and maybe i shouldnt have said it but i said do u want to meet up? and he said well i am back this week so i will give you a call and i said ok bye and he said ok expect a call

 

im so nervous..i really tried to explain myself..i wasnt expecting him to call back so fast especially if he was away..its like being heartbroken all over if rejected and he doesnt think a second shot is worth it..but i guess i showed i had heart after all this time

[playlislay]

Wow, that must have been a surprise!

 

If he has stated that he doesnt think that a second chance is worth a shot, then you must see that as a positive for when/if you meet him when he gets back.

 

You can feel more relaxed knowing that you wont be going through the pain of wondering 'I wonder if.......' or the pain of knowing that he may reject you.

 

Just talk things through with him, say what you have to say and dont let your emotions get the better of you.

 

Good luck hun x

[jmmm]

well he said he would call me when he gets back and thursday was when he got back..maybe he got in late or something but i sort of feel he should have called yesterday since its been a long time without speaking..like he should be more eager to talk...my friend said give it to the end of the weekend since its labor day weekend but she thought he would have called by now as well.

[jmmm]

When he called me after getting back he mentioned he didn't what to say, definitely wasn't expecting this and was unsure...so i tried to be kind of happy about things and said well suprises are good right? and he said most aren't actually but then corrected himself and said not that this isn't a good suprise. He mentioned he can't just jump back into this and said we will exchange some calls and then meet. we have been talking about two times a week since then and its been for about more than an hour each time. The other night was pretty much 2 hours...