JMA707 Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 Hey everyone. Its been a little over a month since me and my gf of 1.5 years broke up. The reason for the breakup was because I had basically taken her loving me for granted. It was a weird time for me. I was dealing with alot of stress from both work and family and I neglected the only good thing i had going for me at the time, her. There were times where i would be moody and she would think i didnt care or i was choosing things over her like hanging out with friends etc etc. This went on for about a month, then she made up her mind she didnt want to deal with it anymore. After the break I messed up even more by constantly contacting her telling her how much i loved her, how much I changed, but all it did in the end was push her farther away. Anyways at this point, a month later, she says she doesnt feel anything for me anymore. Yeah she still cares about me, she doesnt want anything to happen to me, but she doesnt have any romantic feelings. On top of that shes already seeing this "new" guy, and according to everyone shes happier than shes ever been. I've was keeping LC with her since about a week ago, nothing too extreme. Just simple messaging on myspace every couple of days or so. She knows how much I love her...to me shes perfect in every single way...this hurts me so much because the way i acted at the end of our relationship isnt the real me. Before that we were so happy together, it just got bad at the end because i lost sight of things. All she could ever say when she messaged me back was, "J...I'm sorry.." I mean doesnt she get it..? doesnt she get that if she REALLY was sorry then things would have turned out differently..? There is a difference between feeling guilty and feeling sorry. Guilt means you feel bad about a decision but you stand by it. Being sorry is when you would change that decision if you had the chance. I realize that I hurt her and that i made a mistake, but i really do deserve a second chance...but i know i dont have any control over it. I want to be with her so much...even if that meant i had to wait for this "new relationship" to end...messed up i know... All I do is think about all these things. I mean, i try not to but my mind wanders throughout the day. Anyways, we were messaging each other occasionally, most of the messages me saying how much i loved her unconditonally and i just wanted her to be happy, even if it wasnt with me. I really do love her that much, that i just want her to be happy even if it hurts me to see her with another guy... She asked how I could say i wanted her to be happier with him than she was with me and i said "because i really do love you." this was a couple of days ago and she never messaged me back so im going to leave it at that. Ive said my peace, she knows i will always love her no matter what, and STILL it hasnt changed anything. Ive mainly been focusing on myself, getting in better shape, becoming more successful, going out and meeting other people etc etc, but i still feel like s**t on the daily... ive done almost everything possible to cut her out of my life but still she somehow leaks into my thoughts. For example through my dreams and mutual friends. I tell everyone to NEVER tell me anything about what is going on with her because i know that if i find out anymore than i already know it will just hurt even more, but somehow things STILL get to me. Just today i was with a couple friends and someone says how my ex (who is an artist by the way) just drew this new picture of her and this "new" guy kissing each other and she posted it on her myspace for everyone to see. I mean what the hell..? thats what she USED to do for us...but whatever...im tired of hearing about how happy she is and how "perfect" he is for her...i really am happy for her but at some point i have to think about myself...sorry this was so long...i just kind of needed to rant or something i guess...i have a very supportive family and group of friends but i have never felt so alone and F'd up in my entire life...
Exit Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 Yeah, you sound a lot like me, I don't really know what else to say. So very similar. The way I was towards the end of our relationship was not me, I was extremely depressed from other things in my life. Since we broke up I've had limited contact with her and I tell her how I'm getting myself back on track and improving myself and all my friends are noticing and I tell them all that I'm doing it for her, but I will probably never get through to her. I too am silly enough to feel like I would wait for this new relationship that she has to be over with.
Author JMA707 Posted September 4, 2009 Author Posted September 4, 2009 Yeah, you sound a lot like me, I don't really know what else to say. So very similar. The way I was towards the end of our relationship was not me, I was extremely depressed from other things in my life. Since we broke up I've had limited contact with her and I tell her how I'm getting myself back on track and improving myself and all my friends are noticing and I tell them all that I'm doing it for her, but I will probably never get through to her. I too am silly enough to feel like I would wait for this new relationship that she has to be over with. Yeah ive read a couple of your posts Exit, and our situations right now seem a lot alike...i even told HER that im going to make myself better for her...that the next time she sees me she'll see...i know that by the time i see her again, if i EVER do, she wont care because shell probably be so in love with "him"...its just kind of like my drive i guess...its really sad to say, but im just hopelessly in love with this girl, but she doesnt feel the same way back. either that, or she just really doesnt care anymore.
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