rrggww Posted November 21, 2003 Posted November 21, 2003 Post-breakup rules. Ok, lets see if we can define a post-breakup rule guide, ie, what should you do immediatly after the breakup if you want to get back with that special someone. Also, what if you over tried to get her back and pushed her away, then what? Lets see if we can come up with a play book that will work. What will each move hopefully acomphlish, and how will it make her/him feel? Of course, every situation is different, but there have to be some basic guidlines that can help everyone out with this.
maxmuscle Posted November 21, 2003 Posted November 21, 2003 Don't sweat him/her! People need time to reflect on the mistakes made so they don't happen again. Sometimes people are to egostistical or in denial refuse to admit they did anything wrong. Don't let them see you walking the streets hair uncombed, moping and looking depressed. They will still feel in control. Sometimes people make a mistake breaking up so it will hit them sooner or later especially if you were good to him/her. Remember one man/woman trash is another woman/man treasure. Someone will love you again!
lost_in_chgo Posted November 21, 2003 Posted November 21, 2003 You are not going to find a magic bullet for this. Trying to force the issue will destroy everything you are hoping to acheive. You have to give it time.
BEASTIEGIRL Posted November 21, 2003 Posted November 21, 2003 Look at this: http://www.dailyillini.com/aug01/aug31/opinions/stories/opinions_column02.shtml I think I used a forum that was just about break-ups once after I broke up with someone really poorly and he twigged on me. Surviving something.com or something? I'll post it if I can find it again. Also, check out: http://www.breakupgirl.net/index.html
sunnie23 Posted November 21, 2003 Posted November 21, 2003 my biggest rule is you have to give the other space and time to reflect on the relationship and everything that happened. people don't just break up for no reason, so my advice is always to cut ties and move on. there are too many people out there to sweat one who didn't want me/you didn't want. why are people so drawn to ex's? i know the answer to this is obvious but it drives me crazy..... MOVE ON!
shopgrl Posted November 21, 2003 Posted November 21, 2003 Personally, I think the biggest post break up rule is to give yourself and your ex some time. Remember-- you broke up for a reason. If you were the one who got broken up with-- Don't call, don't write, don't email. Cut off all contant. Give your ex some time to miss you. Go out and enjoy yourself! If your ex doesn't come back, you'll know he/she wasn't the one and there's someone better out there for you!
imjustagirl Posted November 21, 2003 Posted November 21, 2003 Having just gone through this, I can't agree more. When my boyfriend broke up with me, I seriously thought it was the end of my world as I knew it. When I realised, that yes, we weren't giving each other that personal space, I went for what I had been missing. I caught up on friends I hadn't talked too in a looooong time. Spent time with my family...and most of all...watched tv by myself...something *I* wanted to watch. I only contacted him once during our time apart, and that was only to tell him that I had packed up the stuff that he had at my place and wanted to know if he wanted to come and get it or I could bring it to the office at work. He on the other hand...called me several times. I was "unavailable" for some of those calls, and the voicemails sounded, distraught...almost going..."ooh, she can live her life without me...." Granted, we haven't been back together "that" long, but things are good. Things are where they should be for almost 10 months, instead of living together, we're dating each other and enjoying every minute together, like we were in month 2...instead of taking the other for granted (he'll take out the trash, she'll cook supper, we'll go get groceries)...we're going to movies, going out for romantic walks...just spending time together. In a relationship and out...personal space is the key.
mr_roggger Posted November 21, 2003 Posted November 21, 2003 So time worked for you then? I believe that time, with minimal or no contact, is an excellent healer. It always sounds hard at first, and it is, but it will get slightly easier each and every day...I hope!
shopgrl Posted November 21, 2003 Posted November 21, 2003 Time apart defintely worked for me and my boyfriend. We had been dating over 2 years, broke up for a month and are now back together and doing great. Don't get me wrong, initially the break up sucked but once you start getting into the swing of things--- going out with friends, spending time with family and getting to know yourself better it's not so bad. Like they say, only time will tell. The time apart will either bring you back together or allow you both to move on. Things will work out for the best, they always do.
imjustagirl Posted November 21, 2003 Posted November 21, 2003 mhmm....nobody really knows how much time someone needs...it's all just a shot in the dark. In my case, took about a week. In someone elses...could take an hour, a day, a month, a year....
KitWalker Posted November 22, 2003 Posted November 22, 2003 IMJUSTA thanks for that! Its nice to hear that the "give it time" does work!!! Im apart for nearly 2months, havent heard anything from her as yet and I am hoping tthat she will call eventually! Anyone done the LONG time apart? Eg. longer than a few months then got back togehter? Or anyone know of friends thats worked this way?
trying Posted November 22, 2003 Posted November 22, 2003 it is different in every situation follow your heart trust your intuition take care of you!!!
sandrosiglio Posted November 22, 2003 Posted November 22, 2003 i was apart 3 years w/o talking or seeing....i msged her one night we just talked...and the next day she gave me a letter she wrote to me a while ago but was too afraid to give me...we ended up getting back together....but we have splitted up again in the last week...so i guess ill just have to wait around again
sean001 Posted November 28, 2003 Posted November 28, 2003 I just went through this and the only thing that really "worked" was the no-contact rule. It wasn't until we had some time apart that we were able to get back together again. It's still a brand new thing, but it was not possible while we were still in touch with each other -- it was too painful.
CanadianBornCutie Posted December 3, 2003 Posted December 3, 2003 i'm in the same boat kind of, i guess the biggest fear is that if you break contact, it will be permanant........
sean001 Posted December 3, 2003 Posted December 3, 2003 ...I was afraid of that, too. The scary part is -- I actually accepted it. By the time I was "ok" with the fact that we might never talk again, she came back. Ironic how life works? The thing is -- I would have been ok whether she came back or not after the break. I really didn't want the break, but I didn't have a choice. Now, I feel ambivalent about the whole thing. It is hard to go back after you've come to this point.
CanadianBornCutie Posted December 3, 2003 Posted December 3, 2003 when i don't call him he'll always call me, he just like calls to be surprises he says when it becomes too much of a routine it sucks cause he doesnt have anything to talk to me about..............but yes it's hard.....!
sean001 Posted December 3, 2003 Posted December 3, 2003 that's exactly what I went through with my ex -- I would pull back and she would push toward... I would stop calling and she would. You're in the same position I was about two months ago. Eventually, I told her "DO NOT CALL ME UNLESS YOU ARE READY TO RECTIFY THINGS, AND NOT BEFORE." And make it very clear that if he calls and leaves a message that he has to state that he is READY to discuss things or you are not calling him back. You have to be tough. That worked for a couple weeks. Then when she called me again (finally) she was ready to rectify things.
KitWalker Posted December 3, 2003 Posted December 3, 2003 SEAN, how long were u two apart for? Did the two of u see anyone else whilst u were apart?
sean001 Posted December 3, 2003 Posted December 3, 2003 a little over two months -- and hellz yes -- she jumped right into dating somebody which REALLY bothered me, and then we got back together.
KitWalker Posted December 3, 2003 Posted December 3, 2003 what happened with the guy she was going out with? She get tired of him?
Arabess Posted December 3, 2003 Posted December 3, 2003 I don't know if trying to fix a relationship right after you break up is ever the answer. If the person wanted to be with you....they wouldn't have broken it off. The best thing is to focus on yourself...get thru the pain and loneliness....and not dwell on their return. It's HARD to hear that when you really love someone and want them back in your life. However, it's the realistic truth of the matter. She may return in 6 months, 6 years or absolutely never. You can't change a person's heart with a game plan. Love can be cruel!
Recommended Posts