jumi Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 i know it is a far stretch to think of a legitimate positive thing about LDR's. nothing about it is really butterflies and unicorns, but do any of you notice/realize how much you learn and grow during it all? LDR really brings all my insecurities to the surface. I can't stuff them down and I am really forced to face them and figure a way to deal with them. Even just confronting an insecurity/fear I have is one step towards healing... and these are insecurities I would never have been able to spell out had there never been an LDR. I really learn what this relationship means to me, and equally as important, I learn how to adjust my perspective on life and love, to give myself the best potential to be happy and enjoy my life. I used to ask "why" a lot. But I've really learned, thru the struggles of LDR, to accept things the way they are and to make the best of them, to think with more simplicity, and how to genuinely trust someone. do any of you agree with me, that you've confronted fears and doubts in your relationship, that have only been brought to the surface because of the LDR?
Katherineos123 Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 I definitely agree that my current relationship has forced me to confront my insecurities and come face to face with them... then learn how to cope with them... and then overcome them... Being in a long distance relationship has also taught me so much about being independently involved with someone. To be happy to just BE ME with or without my boyfriend by my side.
Els Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 I guess the only good thing that I can come out with is a general one: the effect of bad times on a relationship. Like other bad times such as one partner losing a job, one partner going through an illness, and things of the sort; I guess distance will really test the mettle of a relationship. And you'll know whether your partner is there for the good and bad, or only for the good. Whether or not he/she is committed to working at the relationship, or just wanting to have a bit of casual fun without anything attached.
Island Girl Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 I wouldn't say it has forced me to acknowledge insecurities or face them - because I always have known about certain insecurities or needs. What it has done is forced a more direct way of communicating. I have had to put feelings out there completely. There is no beating around the bush or the luxury of getting reassurances physically. In past relationships I have always looked to physical affection and gestures and, as all of you know LOL, there just is no possible way to do that. We both have had to learn to be extremely vulnerable with needs and wants. The distance has also taught me that we will stick together through anything. There have been SOOOO many problems, traumas, tragedies, misunderstandings (mostly early on), stress factors, etc. and we have both stayed true to our commitment. We have had to deal with physical separation for long periods of time and that was a really hard one. For me, since we went LD after being together all the time, I had a big fear of being forgotten or the physical component being so important on his side that we wouldn't last. The distance has shown me our relationship is not dependent on that at all. That alone brought such a confidence in us. I suppose there is always a thought - or at least I had thoughts like this - where you imagine if someone would stay with you though you had a mastectomy or some sort of accident that affected you physically. And there really is no way to know that for sure is there? Well, unless it happens - except - in an LDR where there IS separation especially for long periods of time. The physical component is completely missing and yet the bond unchanged. The relationship and level of devotion is unchanged. That alone has brought me such confidence in the each of us individually as well as the two of us as a couple. I have always been one that has to get issues solved. I can't feel good about where things stand if there is an open issue - a disagreement that is unresolved. I would always feel unsure of the relationship when we would get into it. And if we couldn't fix it right then I'd be wondering if one or both of us were going to break up over it. We have had issues with phones not working or running out of time on phone cards, etc. and not having the ability to solve all issues right then. Sometimes the fight has had to sit unresolved with no way to communicate at all. For a long time, when this would happen, it led to sleepless nights and worry with it on my mind ALL the time. I no longer have that issue. If I am, he is, or we both are angry I ca sit with it. Depending upon circumstance it could be a few days before it is put to rest. But I know he still loves me, the foundation of our relationship is unchanged by it, and we will get through it whatever it may be. The distance has sucked. We have missed out on a lot of memories together because of the separation. There will be challenges with what our wants are because we have been apart for so long. BUT we have a stronger relationship than I ever would have thought possible because of it. My friends envy the honesty in our communication though most of them say that, knowing how we were together when we first met, they aren't surprised about the fact that we have made it work this whole time. EDIT: WOW - sorry such a long post all!
Author jumi Posted September 4, 2009 Author Posted September 4, 2009 EDIT: WOW - sorry such a long post all! naw, that was a rly good post =). I feel the same as you do in a way, about being able to "sit" with a misunderstanding/argument. It used to kill me when he wasn't online to talk or if there was a misunderstanding, but now I can rest assured on the simplicity that he does love me, no matter what is on the surface right now. i've also learned that many of the problems where just my own issues, not feeling confident enough, not being strong enough. but i realize that if he is happy there really isnt anything that needs to be anxious about. ... This guy is my first kiss, my first relationship (met May 08) and before then I dont think I would have EVER considered going through long distance. In fact, before I met him... I told myself NOT to get into a relationship that summer (the summer before my freshman year in college) because I just wanted to meet someone at college. Well that didn't work out as planned! But I am so happy I met him and I thank my lucky stars each day, having him in my life is more than worth the strain of LD. 6 weeks
Island Girl Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 6 weeks? Do you only have 6 weeks left of distance?
Author jumi Posted September 6, 2009 Author Posted September 6, 2009 6 weeks when he comes home from studying abroad, but we still go to different colleges.
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