Feeling down..

[Eve]

Nine days left before my daughter goes to Uni.

 

I can rationalise that she is happy and well prepared ... but this is actually hell..

 

The only thing left to do is I just have to get her a tin opener, everything else is done, excellently.

 

Crap! She is sensible and pretty feisty, bright and beautiful so I remain proud but shall miss her no end! I have realised that my sense of impending loss is because she is my first love...... dont know if anyone understands that. I do have a very full life without her, always have.. but ...

 

.... My job is done.. yeah?

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[Eve]

Feeling better today. I have decided that what I am feeling is absolutely normal and so I am staying close to my friends who have gone through this and come out the other side.

 

Life can be pretty hard sometimes. This is probably going to get worse before it gets better. This time next year, God willing, we will all have adjusted.

 

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[Tayla]

Eve, Thanks for posting. yes its absolutely normal. At least I hope so Because I went thru the empty nest when my first one went off to college.

 

And yes , their is a love for your child that is beyond words and more powerful then anything else to be experienced. It really is TRUE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE that a mother has.

 

A mothers job is never done. Its just transistioning to a more adult role that you'll share with her for the rest of her life. You are so going to enjoy these years!

 

Supportive thoughts and guiding strength to you. Just as you are missing her, she is doing likewise.

[AlektraClementine]

Eve, my heart goes out to you:) My daughter is but 9 years old. I remember the first night I brought her home from the hospital and was holding her in my arms. I became instantly aware that one day, she'd be all grown up. College, marriage, the whole nine.

 

I can't begin to understand what it all really feels like but I sure can send some good vibes your way! Hugs!!

[Eve]

Eve, my heart goes out to you:) My daughter is but 9 years old. I remember the first night I brought her home from the hospital and was holding her in my arms. I became instantly aware that one day, she'd be all grown up. College, marriage, the whole nine.

 

I can't begin to understand what it all really feels like but I sure can send some good vibes your way! Hugs!!

 

Thank you! I still remember hearing the Doctor say to me after she was born, 'you have a very beautiful girl, what a lovely complextion' .. and the pain of childbirth stopped and he gave her to me. Absolutely blew my mind when I looked down at her! Its funny because we all know that the point of pregnacy is that a child will be born but I just wondered around for days in a form of shock. I couldnt believe how perfect she was. That all along it was her in there!

 

During the pregnancy I used to play games with her. Whereby I would hold one part of my ever expanding tummy and she would move around to kick or hit that area as I spoke to her. We have a deep deep connection.

 

I just cant believe that time as gone so quickly and she is absolutely ready now to do this next bit with her peers. As a reminder of home, Hubby has given her his favourite wrestling mug (in his mind this is the equivalent to 'The Holy Grail') to keep at her place. Apparently I am to give her one of my favourite mugs as well so she has a quirky reminder of us.

 

Thanks for the vibes. I have done it! She is her own person and happy and I know she will do well once she has settled in.

 

 

Through the good times and the bad treasure your little one.. Hugs to you also.

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[Island Girl]

No, your job is not done. We always need our moms. ALWAYS.

 

Now there'll just be a whole new set of issues and problems she need counsel about.

[Eve]

Eve, Thanks for posting. yes its absolutely normal. At least I hope so Because I went thru the empty nest when my first one went off to college.

 

And yes , their is a love for your child that is beyond words and more powerful then anything else to be experienced. It really is TRUE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE that a mother has.

 

A mothers job is never done. Its just transistioning to a more adult role that you'll share with her for the rest of her life. You are so going to enjoy these years!

 

Supportive thoughts and guiding strength to you. Just as you are missing her, she is doing likewise.

 

A survivor!

 

Thank you for your words of wisdom. I am looking at the transition now more than the sense of loss and this feels ok at the moment. I think I am going to cry a lot on the day though. I seem to be moving between thoughts about her general safety - we live in a practically crime free area and last week there was another shooting close to where she will be living in London. I also get concerned about her securing some form of work as I know that she doesnt actually like normal jobs. None of us can remove the risk altogether of being caught up in violence so I am trying not to dwell on that too much. Plus it turns out that one of our friends is a visiting Professor of my girls Uni.. so thats one contact who maybe able to aid in securing her some work. I know his daughter and son are well established in the industry my girl will be entering.

 

I am hoping that once we actually see and Bless her room my worrying will stop. Though I am mulling over whether to buy her some sort of fridge specifically for her room. Is that going too far or what? I know that she will fall out with people if they use her food items, or even gaze at her supply of orange juice.

 

.. But yes, its time for more adult interactions and my friends are keeping me as grounded as possible. The consensus seems to be that we should not help to clean her room or bother with the fridge idea - that she should do these things herself. I think we will leave it to the day and see how things pan out... but I would prefer to clean the room and buy the fridge/good supply of food/juice.

 

As a side note, at least we have stumbled upon a deal with the coach company we are using whereby my youngest daughter now has free travel for a year to London! So thats sorted and she will feel very grown up indeed once she gets to know where to go etc. They are very close. With the boys of the family recently starting their own interest group thing that takes them away. This will mean that Hubby and I will actually start having weekends whereby no children are in the house. I think they are on the edge of a proper business!

 

Wow!

 

Yeah, I think we have a lot to look forward to! Hubby and I have concluded that we are entering a period where we will have a few years of quietness at home before the Grandkids start coming. Now that to me will be the ultimate adventure. All the Grand parents I know seem to be really happy.

 

So, chin up! I had better get on with co-ordinating the packing regime we have underway.

 

Thanks for listening..

 

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[AlektraClementine]

I love the mug idea! "Holy Grail".

 

Guess I should prepare to part with my Han Solo mug eventually!

[Eve]

I love the mug idea! "Holy Grail".

 

Guess I should prepare to part with my Han Solo mug eventually!

 

 

You have a 'Hans Solo' mug? How cool is that!!!!!!!!! I want one!

 

After so many prompts of, 'you will be careful now with my mug', whilst she does the washing up .. its seems to be somewhat of an honour to now be the official carer of the sacred mug! This act has surprised the whole family. I bet even Moses is impressed!

 

Well, its past 3 and I still cant sleep. This is my last week with my girl at home where I know for sure she is safe because I make sure she is. I am still fluctuating between accepting the transition and moments of sheer panic. I cant cry though.. too busy enjoying every second.

 

I wish I could fast forward a year..

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[Eve]

No, your job is not done. We always need our moms. ALWAYS.

 

Now there'll just be a whole new set of issues and problems she need counsel about.

 

 

Yes. I need to stop with the drama and realise that I will always be her Mummy..

 

... eventually.

 

This is just another new start..

 

*Eve still feels like crap*

 

Oh boy..

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[silverfish]

Urgh it's sort of scary. Mine went to senior school this week - 1st time on the bus, 1st time walking through town. he started wearing deoderant too - eek!

 

Although I found it unsettling I am so proud of him, and for me to see him achieving so much on his own is amazing really (I know it's not amazing, but y'know what I mean!)

 

You should be very proud of her, and you'll see plenty of her while shes at Uni, and she will need you more than ever!

[Eve]

Urgh it's sort of scary. Mine went to senior school this week - 1st time on the bus, 1st time walking through town. he started wearing deoderant too - eek!

 

Although I found it unsettling I am so proud of him, and for me to see him achieving so much on his own is amazing really (I know it's not amazing, but y'know what I mean!)

 

You should be very proud of her, and you'll see plenty of her while shes at Uni, and she will need you more than ever!

 

1st time on the bus alone is certainly a trial! I cried, even though the bus stop was just up the road! Deoderant too? He mut have his eyes set on someone. I was glad when our boys finally decided that cleanliness and deoderant arent such a bad idea. They loved being mucky!

 

As for me, I have decided there is only one thing to do to curb my current sense of misery - yes, its time to redecorate the entire house. Hubby is horrified because he hates DIY with a passion.. but its time. That will keep me busy and tire me out.

 

Ikea here I come..

 

 

Yeah, we will fall into a pattern of calling each other etc and she will no doubt have lots of new places to show me. Apparently there is a really cool vegan restaurant run by three hippies quite close to where she will be staying thats supposed to be fabulous.. so no doubt we will give them a visit. Gosh, I just hope that she will continue to eat well. I know she gets tired of cooking very easily. Its not her thing at all.

 

*Eve goes to find the colour chart and various furniture catalogues she has collected today*

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[Lizzie60]

I know exactly what you're going through .. I went through the same thing..

 

I am extremely close to my daughter... much more than with my son.

 

If you're concerned about her eating.. what I did with my son (I never was concerned about my daughter for that) I bought him a small freezer... then cook him or bought him small portion all-ready meals.. as a matter of fact.. I'm still doing it.. he's 25.

 

My daughter, was my first, I was single.. alone, she was my only 'love' back then... it was special.. I wanted soooo much a girl.. I thought it would be easier.

 

Her leaving for the university was hard.. she was 17... but what I find much much harder is when, a year earlier, she wanted to discover the world... she left for a summer.. she was really far away...

 

Then for about 10 years.. she travelled all over the world... always alone.. I was a mess each time she left.. I was soooooo worried..

 

She has now given me 2 grand'kids... oh the treasures.. we speak every single day... we are closer now than ever.. she is moving next month about 10 minutes from my place.. I'm sooo excited.

 

I love my kids to pieces.. Daughters are special... they remain close to the moms all their life..

 

I guess you and I are lucky to have daughters like the ones we have..

[Eve]

I know exactly what you're going through .. I went through the same thing..

 

I am extremely close to my daughter... much more than with my son.

 

If you're concerned about her eating.. what I did with my son (I never was concerned about my daughter for that) I bought him a small freezer... then cook him or bought him small portion all-ready meals.. as a matter of fact.. I'm still doing it.. he's 25.

 

My daughter, was my first, I was single.. alone, she was my only 'love' back then... it was special.. I wanted soooo much a girl.. I thought it would be easier.

 

Her leaving for the university was hard.. she was 17... but what I find much much harder is when, a year earlier, she wanted to discover the world... she left for a summer.. she was really far away...

 

Then for about 10 years.. she travelled all over the world... always alone.. I was a mess each time she left.. I was soooooo worried..

 

She has now given me 2 grand'kids... oh the treasures.. we speak every single day... we are closer now than ever.. she is moving next month about 10 minutes from my place.. I'm sooo excited.

 

I love my kids to pieces.. Daughters are special... they remain close to the moms all their life..

 

I guess you and I are lucky to have daughters like the ones we have..

 

Yes we are very very lucky indeed! I am really happy for you that you will have your daughter living close by again soon, with your Grandbabies! I bet you cant wait!! Gosh, I feel really happy for you all. That must be fab!

 

Thanks for the post Lizzie. Thank you for sharing.

 

.. Plus you helped me to make up my mind about the fridge idea for her room at Uni. She tends to make simple quick meals but I would like to be able to bring her a few ready done meals for times when maybe she is tired.. or cant be arsed to cook. I dont want her to end up eating noodles all the time (as a lot of students do) and become spotty and unhealthy looking. So, yes, we will get the fridge.

 

My foster parents have said to me that I have done well because she is so balanced about the whole thing. In their minds if the child pines too much when away from the parent then something has gone wrong. They believe that a child should be able to travel the world and not give too much thought to their parents. With this view in mind, as difficult as it has been for you, you did excellently because your girl lived out her dreams. So, well done you! Your Grandchildren are definately a reward! My daughter has many plans afoot to travel but I cant take any of that in at the moment. I will probably just die if I start on thinking about any of that. Or at very least buy and decorate a new house.

 

So, yes, as hard as this all is.. its all purposeful and I will eventually adjust. All my daughter has been concerned by is that she needed to make sure that we bought a new patch cable so that she could plug her laptop in in her room. Thats it. She isnt actually worried about anything. She knows that she will miss us, but she is looking forward to meeting different people and doing her thing.

 

I think its way harder with girls but the bond we share will keep us grounded! I just have to go through the emotional stuff, there is no other way. Its just that I had no idea that it would be this hard. You hear people talk about it but I think its one of those things that one cannot fathom until they are there.

 

I suppose I am hurting at the mo...

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[Eve]

Quick update..

 

The deed is done. It is finished. Or just started! She was rather shocked by the size of her room but once I had given it a good clean she seemed to warm to it more. The fridge idea went out of the window because the others on her floor all seem pretty trustworthy people. I liked them a lot. So, whatever I bring can safely go into the kitchen. Aside from the need of a new mop, I thought the Uni had done a good job on the equipment front.

 

The biggest news.. well, the girl next door to my girl has the same Christian name, is the same age, is from our area and is also a vegetarian. They are like two peas in a pod now and have made friends with a larger circle of second year students. So, I feel better about her safety now. Its better to travel in numbers.

 

Aside from the utter shock of being asked for a large sum of money in order to actually get the key to her room.. all else went well. There was lots of tears in saying goodbye, (I thought I would die from crying) but here I am a few days later feeling ok and she is perfectly fine. Hubby was mega brill on the day too (with his gorgeous self)..

 

 

Cant wait to see her next weekend!!

 

That was hard..

 

Take care,

Eve xx