4givrnt4gtr Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 So my bf and I just broke up. We dated for 8 months before it became long distance. three weeks later he said he was having a hard time dealing with the distance and that he had not been able to really fall in love with me and didnt know whether he could. I choose to tell him that I couldnt be with someone who's had so many doubts for so long. You cant force yourself or anyone to love. Anyhow, Im really really sad. I loved him but I know he didnt love me and it was one of those things neither of us could help. I had made plans for me to move to his city. I began the process of getting into a doctoral program and I am quite far into the process. I had already been accepted into the school once a few years ago but I couldnt attend so I had to just renew the application. Now, i love that area where i was supposed to move, and I am definitely moving out of my current place once Im done with the masters im working on right now. However, now with the break up Im not sure how wise it is to continue with those plans. On the other hand i finally feel like my decision to move was not 100% because of him since I always thought that if we broke up I wouldnt want to move, but thats not the case at all. I still think the world of him, and I truly understand that we were just not meant to be together. I dont really think i will see him again, even if I do move there, so its not a delusion of trying to make things works at any point. What do you guys think? Should i move regardless or will that make my life more difficult?
Kamille Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 ((4giv)) I'm so sorry to hear this but your approach to it ending is bang on! Continue being strong! I'm sure you know as much as I do that applying to a PHD program is a hard decision to make - so if you like what the school in his city has to offer, please continue with the application. But I would also take this opportunity to apply to dream big and apply to other programs. Who are your favourite authors in your field? Where are they tenured? Investigate different schools (and just cause they're back ups doesn't mean they can't be Ivy) and apply to at least two other back up schools. That way, when the results to the applications come in, you'll have options. You might still decide to go to the school in your ex's city, but you'll be able to base your decision on other more objective criterias. Best of luck with the applications!
TaraMaiden Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 Remember what I told you in your other thread: Plans made together are still meant to benefit you individually.... Consider this question.... will it give you pleasure, or Will it bring you happiness? I'd go for it. the place is big enough for the both of you, and why should you change your plans, since they're virtually finalised anyway?
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