If your ex called, what would you LIKE to tell them, but wouldn't..

[JLT123]

It's funny, you can google anything these days. So after you said those things to me that day, I went into panic mode and started looking online for tips and tricks to get your ex back, even if she's seeing someone else. You'd be surprised how much **** is out there on this stuff. They ask, "Are you doing any of the following?"...begging and pleading..showering them with flowers and gifts...telling them no one will ever love them like you...constantly apologizing...I basically said 'Yes' to all of them...they also go on to tell you all the things you should say if you ever get back in touch with them, how you need to tell them how great your life has been, how you had some fortunate occurance happen, etc. I would love to be able to tell you all of those things, but I have never been able to lie to you in the past, and I'm certainly not going to do it now, since more time has passed with us not talking to each other than I can remember.

 

I would love to tell you that I didn't dip into a world of darkness, anxiety and depression that I've never experienced in my life, and wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, let alone you for 5 seconds.

 

I would love to tell you that I could eat more than once a day, and my friends weren't concerned about my weight loss.

 

I would love to tell you that your words didn't cut me to my soul, and made my work day nothing more than a fog, and my weekend with my son a complete wash.

 

I would love to tell you that I could sit at my desk at work for more than 20 minutes without having to get up and walk a few blocks outside because I was ready to break down.

 

I would love to tell you that I didn't scream into the mirror until nothing more came out of my mouth, as if I were dry heaving emotion.

 

I would love to tell you that I wasn't so embarassed for you by your words to me that I was able to tell my dad, even after he proded me to say.

 

I would love to tell you that I was able to put candles in my son's birthday cake without breaking down thinking about you being there the past 3 years.

 

I would love to tell you that I wasn't still bursting into tears 2 months after the fact.

 

I would love to tell you that I don't miss the softness of your skin, or your love of blueberries, or how you like the smell of Ben Gay, or how you would invent stupid band names.

 

Finally...

 

I would love to tell you that the thought of you sleeping with someone else doesn't make me so sick with jealousy that it feels as though my stomach is turning inside out.. and the fact that you told me even sicker.

[JL911]

I would just TELL HER very nicely that she didnt deserve me, and the whole fact that she is trying to crawl back into my life is either because hers has gone to **** and she needs someone who is caring and was always there when she needed them, or that she finally appreciates what a great person she walked away from...

 

Go figure....

[Dex]

I wouldn't tell him anything; if I knew it was him calling I wouldn't answer; if I didn't know, I'd say hello, ask why he was calling, then politely say goodbye and hang up. Once you're an ex I have nothing to say to you.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I would love to tell you how much I want you back, but the truth is... I don't.

[t0ri]

I would love to tell you that I still love and think about you every day. I'm not as happy as you might think I am. I've been crying every day again.

 

I would love to tell you that I've learned from every mistake I made during our relationship, and I'm honestly a changed person.

 

I would love to tell you all the things I didn't take the time to tell you often enough while we dated.

 

I would love to tell you that I miss you and confess all my feelings.

 

I would love to tell you that you really really crushed me, and I'm still sad/hurt/mad about it. I'M NOT OVER IT!

 

I'd never tell him any of those things. Ever.

[Ilovecake]

I'm happy to say that for the first time I feel like I have nothing to say to him. I wouldn’t even pick up the phone.

 

For the sake of the game however I would say "ewwww you got really fat and bloated how does it feel to be drinking your life away?"

[icyness]

Oh wow, too many things to list. Good thread.

 

In a nutshell though, I'd just love to tell him I'm sorry for everything I ever screwed up for him and us.

 

That I love him more than anything, and just want to be his bunny again; I'd do anything for it.

 

That's aside from all the angry stuff, which there is a ton of at the moment.

[K706]

i would tell him that he never gave me a chance.

i would tell him that i wish i could get a good nights sleep, and text messaging me saying goodnight doesn't @#!$ing help.

i would tell him i wish he hadn't said all those promising things to me to make me want to be with him.

i would tell him i wish we had just stayed friends from day one, and maybe our relationship could have grown into something healthier later down the line.

[Ingenue]

If I were ever to speak to my ex again, I wouldn't tell him that I thought he needs to re-evaluate who he is as a person because his own self-image as a dignified, honourable man are completely false.

 

I wouldn't tell him that my biggest regret in life was spending 5 years with him.

 

I wouldn't tell him that he has serious dependency and insecurity issues that can only be reconciled by seeing a counsellor.

 

Instead, I'd just wish him well.

[moo]

That the day his kidneys go bad and he asked me for one, I will laugh, laugh laugh. That I hate what he did to me. That he treated our relationship like a joke. That he is the joke and he isn't a real man. That he is a dysfunctional piece of ****.

[deux ex machina]

There's nothing anyone can tell him.

 

He's perfectly fine, thank you very much - it's everyone else who's stupid, controlling, crazy, irrational, ect...

[moo]

There's nothing anyone can tell him.

 

He's perfectly fine, thank you very much - it's everyone else who's stupid, controlling, crazy, irrational, ect...

 

So weird, while you were doing that one, I was typing this in the coping forum (Post letter to your ex here), but I decided to move it to over here instead. Your post reminds me of my own.

 

Hey there L,

 

It's funny how when I suffered through this joke of a relationship for a year, in the end, you blamed everything on me...you took absolutely no responsibility for it's demise. Yeah, I can see how it's my fault. After all, it was so stupid of me to get upset when you stood me up again and again. I know I'm supposed to be a good little doormat and let you walk all over me.

 

And please forgive me for asking you not to throw other women in my face. And how stupid and selfish of me to get upset when you saw me once every 5 weeks when you only lived one hour away? Yes, it's all my fault for not knowing how to drive and not having any money.

 

I should have been so honored when you threw me crumbs of your time by taking me to a fast food restaurant all the time. I was patient with you and thanked you, but I realize now it was my place to get on my knees and kiss your feet for those times.

 

And oh, please forgive me for not being so thrilled when you called me twice a week for 15 or 20 minutes and when you ignored my calls on Friday night. I'm sorry I wasn't a good little doormat for you.

 

Yep, our breakup was all my fault. Oh no, what am I going to do without someone so wonderful as you? Where on earth will I ever find a real man such as yourself? I mean, where on earth will I ever find a droopy-eyed, no-bodied, skinny beyond reason, short, stupid, worthless piece of trash with nothing to offer me but fast food and making me feel like crap?

 

Gosh, I'm so screwed, now that you left me.

 

[deux ex machina]

haha, brilliant

 

I was simply amazed, time and again, how asking for the simplest, easiest, most minimal reciprocation was taken as "controlling, dependent" behavior.

 

Puhleeze! The insult was it is the LAST thing I am.

 

 

Took me a while to figure out he views the world through that lens.

It made no sense.

Because it's crazy and irrational

 

Ironically enough, he really seemed to be the very thing he accused others of - controlling and dependent.

 

I think it was only supposed to go one way? Ohhhh.

Glad to be rid of it, then.

 

I really know of no one with any self-love or respect that would go the distance with this type of person.

 

Interestingly enough, what it can turn a person into, codependent-wise, is an annoying mess - even if the person was vibrant, wonderful. The great thing is getting perspective and seeing how close you came! Kind of scary, but also pretty damned liberating!

 

That's why this person is actually (not to be cliche, but...) "toxic". Because he'll spread the dread to whoever is unlucky enough not to know

 

- it is very important to me that I don't forget, or I could again become Captain Save A Bro (the female version of Captain Save A Ho! Lol).

 

Can't save. Can't fix. He is sick. He is broken. It's not going to change!

[moo]

Yes. Looking back, I felt that I became a whinny, sniveling, shell of a person. Somehow I rationalized everything he did to me, until the day came when I blew up at him. That was the day he left. And I do have co-dependent issues. So now, I am working on having a fuller life without a man. I know that I do not need a man to survive. Now I must live a life that reflects that. You should choose a man to compliment your life, not save your life. Leaving me was the best thing he could have done for me. It forced me to look at what I had become. Now, I'm a better person than I was before I met him and I have a fuller life!! Gosh, reading this makes me want to do NC forever!!

[deux ex machina]

That's so great!

 

 

 

I'd like to tell him nothing, since he has no insight and will not get any. Also, he turns it around. I don't need it, it would make me feel worse, and it would be a waste of time.

[moo]

Your ex sounds like my ex. They may be related.

[Beeotch]

I am not angry at my ex anymore...I now realize he is in a bad position. He has issues and is avoiding them and avoiding himself. He is unhappy and fills his life with useless people, useless stuff and useless activities so he does not have to think or feel.

 

I know he loved me and I was good for him and made him happy and was the best thing that ever happened to him in terms of a relationship and friendship...I know he panicked and broke up with me. I know he does all this stuff not to face it and face me....

 

H eputs up a false arrogance and ridiculous charades that are not him....and I see through it all.

 

So in all honesty...It saddens me and if I spoke to him I would just be normal. I would not rub it in his face, argue with him, reiterate his mistakes etc but have a normal conversation. I would not declare my love or anything...he already knows. I am not going to kick him when he is down because I see clearly now and I realize me lashing out in anger etc before was because I was ignorant and didn't know better. NOW that I know where he is I look at it as yelling at a 3 year old for spilling juice/...why??? He is 3....he doesn't know better. Same with him...he is ridiculous because of his issues and me being the bigger person who is emotionally stronger should not hold it over him and yell at him etc.

 

At this point I am okay with not being with him because for the above reasons it is IMPOSSIBLE for him to make me happy. I am more emotionally mature, I know who I am, I deal with my pain and hurt and surround myself with positive things. He is older than I but does not do the same...I cannot work with that. So I love him and care about his well being but I am no longer pining after him.

 

If he opened up to me then I would tell hm exactly what I know about him and his issues and his character and explain I know and understand why he does the things he does and it doesn't have to be that way....but that would ONLY be if he admitted it.

 

Other than that....I can treat him normally and I don't have much else to say because he knows I know him, his problems and I am way too intuitive and smart to be fooled. Nothing needs to be said as we both know the deal. Thusly he avoids me because he is not ready for the truth and that is all I speak....

 

So I would perhaps have a very surface level conversation with him...

[robinincarolina]

I would love to tell him he is emotionally retarded.

[caramel c]

I would not answer, but if the voice mail said 'I HAVE to talk to you, its important' or anything like that, I'd eventually call back once the butterflies have left my stomach and after I pick up my jaw off the floor.

 

I wouldn't say much at all. I'd say hi, and then I'd listen. I'd listen and listen and listen. I'd hang up having only said a few words, I'm sure, no matter what he said. There is always time to think about what he said, and have a reaction later.

[silic0ntoad]

I wouldn't say anything. Actually, yeah, I would.

 

Me:

"The meaning of your calling me was?"

 

Her:

"BLAH BLAH BLAH"

 

Me:

"Oh, right, nothing has changed. Peace."

[Funky]

I wouldn't keep my tongue in my pocket anymore.

 

Me: Ohai you lying sl*t to what honour shall I ask that I am receiving a call from her majesty?

 

Her: F U

 

Me: My sentiments exactly!