bluewolf17 Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 I haven't posted in this section for a bit, so I though I would give all you second chancer's my experience. When my ex and I broke up I was a mess. All I could think about was getting him back asap. I begged, pleaded, called, showed up, sent emails. All the wrong things that made me just look sad. My ex only ever said he didn't know what he wanted. We would hang out for a bit, then I would tell him it's either be with me, or get out of my life. I did this three times over 6 months. Each time I would go NC when he said he still "didn't know". After three for four weeks he would always start contacting me again telling me he wants to see me. So now six months later, things have changed. Here's what I learned. When you first break up with someone, it's all so fresh. You blame yourself for everything. You will do anything to get them back. When I would hang out with him I would have so much anxiety that it ruined it. I was constantly hoping for somthing more to happen, and it never did. Then would get frustrated and go NC. But heres the trick (and I am sure you have heard it before). The only way to have a true reconcilation is to just move on. Heal yourself first. Get your life back together, get happy. Be confident again. It wasn't until I was able to do this, and really let him go did I start to see him clearly. My ex is just a guy who contributed to the break up just as much as I did. He has fualts and insecurities. Last night we went out for the first time in about 6-7 weeks. And it was so diffrent. I was able to just talk with him and I didn't care what else happend. I wasn't nervous to see him, I didn't worry about what this or that meant. I just took it for what it was. I don't see him on a pedestal anymore. In fact, sitting with him I realized I really do deserve better. He's a great guy, but we broke up for a reason. I went home and really thought about that. How badly I wanted him 6 months ago, and now how funny it seems that he spent most of our date trying to impress me with how he is getting his life together. It was so obvious. And then he invited me over to his house tonight for a Ducks vs. Boise State football game. And I said no (I actually have plans for ladies night). I guess my rambling point is, if you are going to have a second chance with someone, you have to heal yourself first. Don't place all healing based on getting back together to make it "go away". Everyone can heal from a broken heart. If my ex one day get back together (and I just don't think I really want that anymore) it will be because we aren't the people we were when we dated. I know I have already changed. Hope this makes some sort of sense:)
Sbrizio Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 Hope this makes some sort of sense:) Oh, yes it does. Thanks, what you say it's true, inspiring, and encouraging. Cheers, F.
Tayla Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 Youve come along way ! Proud to read your wisdom.
Recommended Posts