New Again Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 How do people decide they're ready? I mean, when one person asks, obviously that person is ready. I've never lived with a bf, and I've never had any desire to.
BCCA Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 The only girl I ever lived with, we were just kind of both looking to move at around the same time, and had been dating about a year, and decided to go for it. In hindsight, I probably wouldnt do that again, because it was a royal pain to split things and deal with all that when you break up. Im almost of the mind it makes the most sense to just wait until youre sure youre going to marry that person first. Otherwise, it can just cause a lot of problems.
Mr. Stumpy Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 Yea do NOT make this decision unless you are 100% sure it's right. Moving in with someone and then breaking up is not a good thing...
laRubiaBonita Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 like BCCA, the guy i was dating (for about a yr. too) we each needed to move, and decided it would be cool to move in together. it was his first time not living at home and paying rent and the house bills. we did have to move kinda further away from my friends and some of his, so you kinda get 'stuck' being together. we got along pretty fine, he was very anal with money though- like things HAD to be split 50/50. eventually he did start to nit-pic things i did... and that leads to be doing things just to spite him..... but all and all things were ok......... until he cheated on me, twice. after the first, i moved out a few months later, but we finally broke up another 6 months later or so. make sure you know who pays what, how bills are split, what will happen with any deposits, and what will happen if things go south. it might sound like a depressing thing to think of, but if you have at least some plan for the unexpected it's better. also, we had to buy a lawn mower and pay for trash service, plus we had an old house that used heating oil(that was an upfront expense)... some things to think about.
Author New Again Posted September 3, 2009 Author Posted September 3, 2009 The only girl I ever lived with, we were just kind of both looking to move at around the same time, and had been dating about a year, and decided to go for it. In hindsight, I probably wouldnt do that again, because it was a royal pain to split things and deal with all that when you break up. Im almost of the mind it makes the most sense to just wait until youre sure youre going to marry that person first. Otherwise, it can just cause a lot of problems. That's kind of how I've always felt...I'm not necessarily against living together before getting married (or engaged), but....for a lot of reasons it just seems like a bad idea. Yea do NOT make this decision unless you are 100% sure it's right. Moving in with someone and then breaking up is not a good thing... Ha, yeah, but there's no way to KNOW you're making the right decision!
Author New Again Posted September 3, 2009 Author Posted September 3, 2009 like BCCA, the guy i was dating (for about a yr. too) we each needed to move, and decided it would be cool to move in together. it was his first time not living at home and paying rent and the house bills. we did have to move kinda further away from my friends and some of his, so you kinda get 'stuck' being together. we got along pretty fine, he was very anal with money though- like things HAD to be split 50/50. eventually he did start to nit-pic things i did... and that leads to be doing things just to spite him..... but all and all things were ok......... until he cheated on me, twice. after the first, i moved out a few months later, but we finally broke up another 6 months later or so. make sure you know who pays what, how bills are split, what will happen with any deposits, and what will happen if things go south. it might sound like a depressing thing to think of, but if you have at least some plan for the unexpected it's better. also, we had to buy a lawn mower and pay for trash service, plus we had an old house that used heating oil(that was an upfront expense)... some things to think about. Those are all really good points. If I moved in with my bf I have the plus (although I think this could also probably be a negative) of he owns his house and has lived there for several years, so he already has everything he needs. What are some ways people decide to live together when it's not an issue of both moving at the same time?
Mr. Stumpy Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 Ha, yeah, but there's no way to KNOW you're making the right decision! yea there is. look deep deep inside yourself and you will find that you allready know
Lauriebell82 Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 How do people decide they're ready? I mean, when one person asks, obviously that person is ready. I've never lived with a bf, and I've never had any desire to. You said it, you've never had any desire to. Think about the reasons why this is. Religious, committment concerns, fears, ect? Is your question based on a personal experience or just a general wonderment? As another poster said, don't do it unless you are 100% sure this is what you want. It's not likely to work otherwise.
Author New Again Posted September 3, 2009 Author Posted September 3, 2009 You said it, you've never had any desire to. Think about the reasons why this is. Religious, committment concerns, fears, ect? Is your question based on a personal experience or just a general wonderment? As another poster said, don't do it unless you are 100% sure this is what you want. It's not likely to work otherwise. General wonderment (but the reason I started wondering is personal). Like I said, I'm not against it, I guess I've just never thought "wow, that's something I really want to do!!" So I don't really understand why other people do, or how they decide they want to...or how they know they want to. Maybe I'm a commitment-phobe
laRubiaBonita Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 What are some ways people decide to live together when it's not an issue of both moving at the same time? i usually think it has to do with money- it's cheaper to split bills than to pay them all yourself..... but i think that is variable. my little sis is in scholl, has a dorm room that she pays for and she lives 4-5 hours from my parents. she is 23. he BF has a great job, he has an aparment- and he has asked my little sis to move in with him. she is on the fence, leaning more towards no. he says she will not have to pay rent(since she is in school, she only has a small PT job and not much extra money). she doesn't want to move in and not have to pay rent, she feels like she would somehow be indebted to him- stuck in the home they now share. she is over at his place a good majority of the time anyways so he thinks it would make sense. she does love this guy, and honestly- i think they may get married. but for now, she likes to have her own space still, where she can study, listen to the spice girls and poop in privacy (her words).... i reminded her she did have food poisoning and stayed at his place and had bad things shooting out of both ends... but she is adimant that a good poop in private is different that poison induced poops.
Lauriebell82 Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 General wonderment (but the reason I started wondering is personal). Like I said, I'm not against it, I guess I've just never thought "wow, that's something I really want to do!!" So I don't really understand why other people do, or how they decide they want to...or how they know they want to. Maybe I'm a commitment-phobe I don't think there is a "how" or a "why" it's just a feeling you get when you meet the right person. I think it mostly just hits you. For me the feeling came when I realized how much I missed my fiance when he wasn't around. We had a long distance relationship (hour 1/2 away) for the first year 1/2 of our relationship and I realized when I moved back that I wanted to live with him because I missed him so much. Even now I miss him when he is working late and can't wait to see him. I think you need to have that feeling to successfully live with someone.
laRubiaBonita Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 when my now Husband and i were engaged- we talked about moving in together a few months before the wedding.... my mother did not want us to- she is old school like that. but as things played out i finally started moving my things to his home about a week before the wedding, and then i was staying at my parents most of that week getting preparations ready.... so essentially i moved in after the wedding. although i was over at his place enough, and he at mine, that is was seemingly like we did live together... but having my own place was always nice. it is good to be able to go to your home, and do what you want- like watch girly shows .
Author New Again Posted September 3, 2009 Author Posted September 3, 2009 laRubiaBonita: I think that's pretty much how I feel about it - I like my independence, private poops, and my own space. I guess that's why I'm a little fascinated with how other people make this decision.
Dex Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 A lot of people I know (mid 20s to mid 30s) end up moving in together around the 2 year mark in their relationships. Not that there has to be a time frame, but for some reason that's around when most of the people I know moved in together.
zilverenvlinder Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 I don't think living together is a good idea unless the female in the situation never wants to be married. Why buy the cow, right?
terra Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 I would never ever marry someone without living with them first! You learn a lot about people ... their habits, how they spend their down time, how they handle finances that you just can't fully grasp living apart.
laRubiaBonita Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 Why buy the cow, right? it cracks me up when people say this..... really, it is not the best metaphor. if you decide to cohabitate i can bet that you will not have sex at the same frequency as when you were not living with the person...... so do you really get free milk? no- you get less milk but you think it's better than water.
laRubiaBonita Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 that once you live together you don't have sex as much, therefore any milk you would get for free tastes awesome cause you don't get it much.
Author New Again Posted September 4, 2009 Author Posted September 4, 2009 that once you live together you don't have sex as much, therefore any milk you would get for free tastes awesome cause you don't get it much. I like you!
laRubiaBonita Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 I like you! ditto! of course the frequency of the milk drinking will be different for each couple- but in general it slows a little.
Cowboy2theCore Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 I would not move in with him yet. I believe that will cause a lot of problems, but on the other hand it could turn out great. If you are not 100% sure then don't. If you and him are engaged then that would be fine, but I don't recall you saying that the two of you was engaged. So... I wouldn't do it. How long have you been with this guy? Just wondering? Well take care.
AlektraClementine Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 Fiance and I are moving in together next month. Several things played a role in the decision. We want to live together. We're excited to run a household together. He's paying rent on a place he is never at. He's always here. A house in the neighborhood we want to buy in has just become available for a kiss a$$ price and it's just to good an opportunity to let pass by.
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