dreamergrl Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 Which was it, the second or third date? Honestly.. if it were me, and it was the second date, I'd be a little bewildered. Third date, not so much if the dates where longer (not just a few hours here and there). If she REALLY likes her independence, then it may have pushed her away. If you like to be exclusive, and she likes independence... you might have a bump in the road. Not trying to be a downer, but just honest. I'd ask her out again, but I'd stay waaaay clear of that comment again. Btw CG, how long will you be able to make out with this girl, without wanting to bring exclusivity back up?
Author CaliGuy Posted September 3, 2009 Author Posted September 3, 2009 Sorry but that is where I think you went wrong, why would you leave the ball in her court now? You tell her you want to be exclusive and then you tell her "if you want to see me again call me!?!?" Aside from the fact you were trying to save face because you had a slip of the tongue, no pun intended, why would you now suddenly leave the ball in her court? You were on the right path there keep going. Leaving it up to her is being passive agressive now, it makes you look even more intimidated. See don't retract because you feel you messed up, keep going don't even acknowledge it. Ask her out again don't leave it up to her, women like to be pursued as long as she keeps saying yes you are definitely still in the running. C'mon what exactly did you say? Did you ask her to be exclusive? that's not SO bad...who cares about that. Just don't do other things to appear clingy on top of it. It's not so bad what you did, if she is into you but you really should stop saying that so early on. It makes you sound like you haven't dated in years and are jumping on the first thing that moves, let her wonder a bit. Though some women depending on their own popularity might appreciate a guy who is that invested in them after one date. I am not one of those women but that's not to say I don't represent the minority. I didn't ask her to BE exclusive, I asked if we were (because of all the making out and stuff and the heat of the moment). The look on her face though said a lot. I'm not trying to be passive-aggressive I just want things to settle down. I'm not needy or clingy but I was in a past life and I don't want to go back there or even appear like I want to go back there. At the same time, she has to show just as much interest in me as I do her or this is going to go nowhere fast. And the fact she pointed out both dates that she's very independent and likes/appreciates her space, I need to feel things out so that I don't encroach on it. Relationships are give/take and I will be damed if I am going to be doing all the giving, ya know?
Author CaliGuy Posted September 3, 2009 Author Posted September 3, 2009 It sounds like you don't want to ask her out again, but if it were me, I would want to be pursued. She's given you no indicator that she's NOT interested, so why do you want to leave the ball in her court? I do want to ask her out again. What I don't want is to come off needy or clingy. Geeez don't worry about this. It's not like she got up and left in a huff or said, 'get off me!' and ran for the hills. I'd say just forget about it and enjoy yourself. If you get too stressed about this you might be really boneheaded. Nah not stressed. I just really like this girl and want things to work out without putting any pressure on her or me -- and yet still showing genuine interest. Oh, and I think you should definitely do the asking out. It's been how things have worked up until now. If you don't she might think you're not really interested and were only saying what you did to try and get in her pants. No that's definitely not it. But she's also very independent. I can always toss something out there and see what she's up for... CP = Commitment Phobic ED = (for men) erectile dysfunction; (for women) emotionally distant Me: "Even though I'm going through a divorce and everything hasn't been roses and butterflies, I look forward to getting married again; in fact, I relish it. I love intimacy and emotional closeness. How do you feel?" Watch em' run Oh, regarding balls, you do the asking. She does the accepting. Ask others too Well yes of course, not all my eggs are in one basket. It's just -- of all the ones I have gone out with lately -- she's just a flat out cut above, you know?! Almost like when I am talking to her I am thinking "Why hasn't some dude snatched her up yet?!" She's THAT kind of intriguing to me. Awww Cali, I think that's kind of sweet. Put it this way, you were caught up in a moment of genuinity. There's nothing boneheaded about that. Yeah. I just had an IQ malfunction. Apparently my "other" head was using all the spare blood and oxygen (NO SEX, lol). Which was it, the second or third date? Honestly.. if it were me, and it was the second date, I'd be a little bewildered. Third date, not so much if the dates where longer (not just a few hours here and there). If she REALLY likes her independence, then it may have pushed her away. If you like to be exclusive, and she likes independence... you might have a bump in the road. Not trying to be a downer, but just honest. I'd ask her out again, but I'd stay waaaay clear of that comment again. Btw CG, how long will you be able to make out with this girl, without wanting to bring exclusivity back up? I think between the beach and taking her to her car we must have made out for at least an hour. LOL. Talk, kiss, talk, kiss, etc. So really, we both were into each other. We'll see, I will contact her on Sat and see what she's up to.
carhill Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 The look on her face though said a lot. Insert decoder ring, please Relationships are give/take and I will be damed if I am going to be doing all the giving, ya know? Asking does not equal giving. Ask others With the right woman, there will not be 'the look'...... Don't let hormones cloud your judgment; women never do
stepka Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 Don't let hormones cloud your judgment; women never do snicker snicker, where'd ya get that one? :lmao:
dreamergrl Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 Well yes of course, not all my eggs are in one basket. It's just -- of all the ones I have gone out with lately -- she's just a flat out cut above, you know?! Almost like when I am talking to her I am thinking "Why hasn't some dude snatched her up yet?!" She's THAT kind of intriguing to me. I think between the beach and taking her to her car we must have made out for at least an hour. LOL. Talk, kiss, talk, kiss, etc. So really, we both were into each other. We'll see, I will contact her on Sat and see what she's up to. See, I feel a bit of a contradiction here. You asked her if you were exclusive, but does she know you're seeing other people? (eggs not all in one basket) Also... a lot of people do not feel the need to be exclusive to make out. I'm not saying she's not in to you, she very well could be... but she could also be someone who views making out to be quite normal after a few dates. I say this because you say she values her independence.
carhill Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 snicker snicker, where'd ya get that one? :lmao: LOL, that would be Meno Pause
Author CaliGuy Posted September 4, 2009 Author Posted September 4, 2009 Excellent advice and I will keep that in mind. I need to send her the party invite for the 12th so I will probably do that tomorrow.
Author CaliGuy Posted September 4, 2009 Author Posted September 4, 2009 Yaaay!! All the best Cali. Thanks. I like this girl probably more than I should at this stage but I am not going to put all my stock in her. I know if it doesn't work out there will be others. It's just that, after all the crap I've been through, I deserve someone who's not only good but as HOT as she is lmao!
Author CaliGuy Posted September 4, 2009 Author Posted September 4, 2009 Aww that's awesome that you are smitten with her, and she is really hot too!! Good for you. I love that that you are excite. It's such a great feeling. Just reel in your emotions around her this early on and you will be just fine, wait until you start to see her regularly then you know she is on your page. You'll do fine. If it's any consolation I get stupid when I fall, but I know that much about myself so I just have to be extra aware of what I do. lol Hmm yeah I am the same way. Like I said, when I get that "intoxicated" feeling around someone, I lose about 40 IQ points. DER!
caramel c Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 Don't worry about looking to needy or anything like that by asking her out. I'm sure she'll be thrilled to go out with you again.
silic0ntoad Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 Yeah man, I wouldn't sweat it. Just play it cool and be yourself. You'll do fine.
Author CaliGuy Posted September 4, 2009 Author Posted September 4, 2009 Well after later tonight I'll find out if it was a big deal or not when I confirm our date next weekend. Not sweating this like I used to sweat someone I was interested in. Perhaps a little maturing on my side and well, a slow (and final) death to the doormat nice guy
Author CaliGuy Posted September 7, 2009 Author Posted September 7, 2009 FYI, I emailed her about my friends party on Friday afternoon and got this note today: "Excellent! Should be fun. Hope you're having a gorgeous long weekend." I guess I didn't screw up as bad as I thought. HAHA. We ARE our own worst critics!
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