Excellent Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 It's to good to be true, really, this has without a doubt been the worst year in my life so far, starting from december 2008. December 08 my ex breaks up with me. We worked, and still work together. I have to see her every day at work. It still hurts. So since then, she managed to make me a friend and hurt me even more by giving me the cold shoulder whenever i showed any hint of caring and actually trying to be a friend. Went NC, got friend-zoned 2 months later. She then used this to happily announce that she had a new boyfriend. Wich i sort of knew, hadn't gotten it confirmed until then tho. This ended in a huge fight, upon i sent her an e-mail, saying the final goodbye outside work (or so i thought). Then, 2 months later, here we go again. The same day she's off on a 5 week summer holiday to her hometown, at work, my ex literally tells me she is tired of life, she's been crying a lot etc. By now she had dumped her boyfriend. And as STUPID as i am, i say that she can talk to me if she wants, i won't reject her. I am actually trying to be her friend this time, because i really care. I really got worried, because i know she has had some mental issues in the past, and has been in an abusive relationship before etc. So i call her a few days later, just asking how she is. Hello cold shoulder. This goes on about 2 months, i try to stick it out, knowing that i put myself in this situation. Well, during the NC-thing after the letter, i got a new neighbor. So one day in a lunch break at work, she tells me she knows who he is, "some guy she met out on town". I think...great, here we go again, but play it cool. A week later, she comes on msn, wanting to discuss the letter i sent her. It ended in a huge fight again, and NC on her end this time. That fight happened a month ago, things have cooled down at work now. And i thought things did not work out with this guy, since i hear him home all the time, without any visits. But today, as i was walking up to my apartment, i see her driving towards me, with him inside the car. So yeah, now it's confirmed. Now i know what she was fishing after in the last fight, she wanted to tell me, but still wanted me to hang around. Something i had made clear in the letter that i would not accept. So yeah, that's great, it's been the best year in my life! (sarcasm) To sum it up: 1. She broke up with me. 2. She hurts me to no end by being cold. 3. She manages to fool me so many times, playing on my kindness. 4. Now she is dating my f-ing neighbor, who she just met randomly right after he moved in right above me. (hellooooo fate.) 4. My contract at work ends the 15th of october, so i'm out of a job by then. 5. I am struggeling finacially at the moment, and not having a job in a month or so won't help at all. I was doing ok, wounds were starting to heal after the last fight, and then this happens. I just had to happen to come walking the minute she was picking him up. Sometimes i really wonder what i have done to deserve all this. And YES, i know i put myself in many of those situations with her, and not sticking to NC no matter what. But i'm not like that, i truly wanted to help. I know it's over with her, i've been saying that to myself for a long time. I have had my ups and downs, but i have always known that it is over for good. And now this crap happens, and just opens the wound yet again. I have had many ups and downs after the break. But this was really the last thing i needed to know. Fate likes to kick those who are down it seems. Sorry for the rant, but i'm just extremely pissed about how unlucky i am all the time. This was just the tip of the iceberg if i look at my life in whole.
Homies Over Hoes Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 good god must be really hating life right now? i can attest to the whole "fate kicking you when you are down" bit. it just seems that no matter how bad things get, they can always get worse. ever seen equilibrium? well if you haven't there is this drug that the people used to "numb feelings" because feelings are outlawed in this movie. would be nice to get my hands on some of that!
Author Excellent Posted September 3, 2009 Author Posted September 3, 2009 good god must be really hating life right now? i can attest to the whole "fate kicking you when you are down" bit. it just seems that no matter how bad things get, they can always get worse. ever seen equilibrium? well if you haven't there is this drug that the people used to "numb feelings" because feelings are outlawed in this movie. would be nice to get my hands on some of that! Yes, life really sucks right now. And yeah! I've seen that movie, that's a good idea to be honest, i like the idea of just being able to shut my emotions off. My ex has that ability it seems, unfair that i don't
Nedved Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 Sorry to hear that excellent. it sounds like no matter what you do its getting worse and worse for you. Its easy to look back and think i should of done this and i should of done that but when a person plays with your feelings like your ex has its hard to keep your guard up. Nc is gonna be difficult now as her new boyfriend lives next door and it'l break your heart if you hear her in there with it. I've had a rough year to my friend. Its quite similar to yours but maybe not as close to home but my ex broke up with me in may after 4 years, lost my job in june(contract like you), finances have'nt been good and yesterday my ex texted me and told me she met somebody else. i know how you feel and surley things can't get much worse. I know your finances are tight but have you thought about moving and making a fresh start?
Author Excellent Posted September 3, 2009 Author Posted September 3, 2009 Sorry to hear that excellent. it sounds like no matter what you do its getting worse and worse for you. Its easy to look back and think i should of done this and i should of done that but when a person plays with your feelings like your ex has its hard to keep your guard up. Nc is gonna be difficult now as her new boyfriend lives next door and it'l break your heart if you hear her in there with it. I've had a rough year to my friend. Its quite similar to yours but maybe not as close to home but my ex broke up with me in may after 4 years, lost my job in june(contract like you), finances have'nt been good and yesterday my ex texted me and told me she met somebody else. i know how you feel and surley things can't get much worse. I know your finances are tight but have you thought about moving and making a fresh start? Aye, our relationship only lasted 2-3 months tho. So it's hard to understand that i am still somewhat hurting about all this. I guess it's because we work together, i never managed to completely forget her because i have to see her 5 days a week. But yeah, the thought of moving has crossed my mind several times lately. But the marked for both my profession and apartments here in town is very difficult. What pisses me even more off is that my landlord is my grandfather, you can't get a better landlord than that. We'll see when the contract expires. I'm thinking about moving cross country next year anyway, to educate myself even more. In a month or two, that relationship will be a goner anyway, just like clockwork. It happened to the guy before me, it happened to me, it happened to the guy after me, and i am quite sure it will happen to him. She jumps between relationships very fast. He's in for a big hurt, sadly. I feel sorry for him. I know she saw me today when she was driving. I know she has been trying to keep it a secret, she did that with the previous guy too. Now she knows that i know. She won't dare to even come to visit him, knowing her right, he is always the one who will have to visit her. So i don't think i will have to see her here anymore.
Nedved Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 She unfortunatley has a track record of messing with guys hearts and minds and i'm sorry to hear you got hurt by her. It dose'nt really matter how long you were with her. i was with mine 4 years and you were with yours a few months but your going through the same pain i went through and i know its not easy but hang in there. You need a beru prolonged period of NC to get over her and you will. Its the only way to go. You seem to have plans so go for it.
Author Excellent Posted September 3, 2009 Author Posted September 3, 2009 She unfortunatley has a track record of messing with guys hearts and minds and i'm sorry to hear you got hurt by her. It dose'nt really matter how long you were with her. i was with mine 4 years and you were with yours a few months but your going through the same pain i went through and i know its not easy but hang in there. You need a beru prolonged period of NC to get over her and you will. Its the only way to go. You seem to have plans so go for it. I guess you are right, time does not matter if you put all your feelings into it, wich i did. I do feel sorry for her, because i know she can't help it. She even said that to me the last time i tried to be a friend for her, she knows she has issues. She just is afraid to confront them. Even if i want to, i can't change her. I do need a longer period of NC, i agree on that. That is why i somehow hope that i won't get my contract prolonged (there is a chance for that), because i know i can't afford to say no if i do.
Nedved Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 She sounds like my ex. So many issues that are always there but she never has the courage to deal with them and people get hurt. If she's jumping from relationshp to relationship then hopefully it won't last to much longer with your neighbour and you'l get your breathing space. the apartment sounds to good to throw away if your out of work
Author Excellent Posted September 3, 2009 Author Posted September 3, 2009 She sounds like my ex. So many issues that are always there but she never has the courage to deal with them and people get hurt. If she's jumping from relationshp to relationship then hopefully it won't last to much longer with your neighbour and you'l get your breathing space. the apartment sounds to good to throw away if your out of work Yes, i think that it's actually her having these issues that hurt me the most. Not in the way that the breakup was doomed to come quickly anyway, but in the way of standing there, feeling helpless knowing that you can do nothing. It's really hard to watch a person you care for having these problems, and it hurts even more when you really try to show that you care, and really WANT to help, but all you get is the cold shoulder. And i agree on the apartment thing, it's way to risky to throw that away. I'll survive anyway, it's not like i ain't used to a little emotional pain. I have had plenty of bad experiences through the years, so i'm kinda getting used to deal with such difficulties
Author Excellent Posted September 9, 2009 Author Posted September 9, 2009 Well, i was wrong! Was taking out the trash just now, and who's car do i see parked outside? Yep, it's her car, she's visiting my male neighbor. How nice. I feel kinda torn, i'm not sad, more pissed. But not completely nuts-pissed either. It's just a kind of pissed "sigh...". It still can't keep me from feeling like i've swallowed a giant block of ice though, that annoys me. It's the feeling that she haunts me, i never get a moments rest. It's enough to see her at work 5 days a week, but now i gotta see her car parked here every day too? Knowing what they'll be doing right above my head. Gee, how funny that will be. Anyway, he will be her 4th guy (including me) in less than one year, hope she's happy. I know it won't last, so my sympathy to the guy upstairs. I'm 100% sure he does not know that the guy living in the flat below his, does not only work with his new GF, but also is her ex. Hopefully i'll manage to sleep tonight, but this thing bothers the heck out of me. I'll try my best to play it cool at work, keep my mouth shut and not act bitter. I sure as hell won't give her the satisfaction of knowing that i still somewhat hurt about this.
Author Excellent Posted September 10, 2009 Author Posted September 10, 2009 Hm, well the day at work went surprisingly well.., i was in a great mood today, and stayed like that the entire day. Never losing my head, no snapping, no acting rude, just plain professional towards her whenever she asked about something. She on the other hand seemed pretty silent and mellow. It's funny tho, i admit that this whole thing is in the back of my head most of the time now, but it just doesn't bother me so much anymore. It's just...there. Oh well, time will show. I'm sure there will be more ups and downs coming. But for now, i'm enjoying the ups
BW007 Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 I have been going through a similar situation, and I can understand how much it sucks. My ex moved in and got pregnant with her new BF a block and a half away, If she moved into the same building I would lose it. Your ex, like mine is a hoochie and she does not give a damn how much damage she leaves behind. She is either stupid or vicious, either way she is not worth your pain. It has helped me to think less and less of my ex and hopefully soon, I will think nothing of her. Pick up the pieces. Move on career wise and maybe apartment-wise.
Author Excellent Posted September 10, 2009 Author Posted September 10, 2009 I have been going through a similar situation, and I can understand how much it sucks. My ex moved in and got pregnant with her new BF a block and a half away, If she moved into the same building I would lose it. Your ex, like mine is a hoochie and she does not give a damn how much damage she leaves behind. She is either stupid or vicious, either way she is not worth your pain. It has helped me to think less and less of my ex and hopefully soon, I will think nothing of her. Pick up the pieces. Move on career wise and maybe apartment-wise. It's good to see that there are others out there that are in similar situations. I know my ex is not vicious, but i am tempted to not deny the stupid part. I am well aware that she is well beyond toxic for me, and i have been for many, many months now. I'm sure i'll get completely over it at some point, i'm just sick of it taking so long. And with all the stuff that has happened in the aftermath, it's hard not to think that i am being punished for something. And believe me, it has been a lot of drama and weird situations during the periods we had contact after the break. Anyway, if i had a glorious and perfect image of her before it's long gone now. I guess the best thing i can do is to is keep my chin up and try not to think about it. Easier said than done though
NopeNah Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 You need to let her see the "ho-train" pulling out of your station the next time she stops by!
BackonTrack2 Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 the only thing i can tell you is that you are a fool. you put yourself in this place and only you can pull yourself out. once a female lets another man inside of her, that changes everything. its bascially the death kneel of any long term commitment between you and her. once they do that, you might as well be the mail man whom she had a fling with 10 years ago, you mean nothing, what you shared means nothing. your girl also sounds like she's a physco and confused and has emmotional problems. run fast, run forest run!!
Author Excellent Posted September 11, 2009 Author Posted September 11, 2009 the only thing i can tell you is that you are a fool. you put yourself in this place and only you can pull yourself out. once a female lets another man inside of her, that changes everything. its bascially the death kneel of any long term commitment between you and her. once they do that, you might as well be the mail man whom she had a fling with 10 years ago, you mean nothing, what you shared means nothing. your girl also sounds like she's a physco and confused and has emmotional problems. run fast, run forest run!! Ah, i was waiting for someone to give me the "cold harsh truth", since it would seem that i am unable to see it myself. I did put myself in this situation by offering her help, yes. I did not ask for the rest of it. And relax, i am well aware of that i mean nothing to her, why do you think i'm still here on this forum? Because knowing that you are so easy replaceable hurts, thats why. But hey, thanks for the contructive advice, and the fool-part. That helped. I feel much better now.
Broseph Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 Excellant you said , "Because knowing that you are so easy replaceable hurts, thats why." Remember that so are they really, dont make her out to be better than you, you seem to be better than her. Good luck bra
Author Excellent Posted September 11, 2009 Author Posted September 11, 2009 Excellant you said , "Because knowing that you are so easy replaceable hurts, thats why." Remember that so are they really, dont make her out to be better than you, you seem to be better than her. Good luck bra I know i am better, i know i deserve better, thats what i keep saying to myself. The problem is to make my subconsciousness feel the same. Thats the hard part.I think that is the case for many people in here. They don't need people to tell them the cold, harsh truth. They need advice and encouragement. Not just the "don't be a wuss, and just man up and get over it" part. I heard enough of that from my father when i was a kid. But thanks for the comment! I know i will handle this well, even if it's probably going to be hard, but it's still nice to have some support for my occasional rants, even from strangers.
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