bac Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 As a female, I believe that the first date should be no longer than 1-2 hrs. I am meeting people from Personals. Some men do not understand that point. So, I have problems to end the first date at the time which is comfortable for me. I do not want a man to think that I am not interested in him. But men may think it anyway if I end the first date too early from their point. Any suggestions? How to end the first date nicely and do not give an impression that I am not interested in him?
silic0ntoad Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 As a female, I believe that the first date should be no longer than 1-2 hrs. I am meeting people from Personals. Some men do not understand that point. So, I have problems to end the first date at the time which is comfortable for me. I do not want a man to think that I am not interested in him. But men may think it anyway if I end the first date too early from their point. Any suggestions? How to end the first date nicely and do not give an impression that I am not interested in him? Simple. I usually (even if I want to stay) state that I have other matters that need to be taken care of. If I am interested, I will walk her to her car, hug her, and let her know it was great to meet her. If I am uninterested, I will not offer a hug or a walk to the car, I will simply advise I have other matters, and it was nice to meet them. I usually do have something else going on, but even if I don't, I'd rather appear busy. lol.
CaliGuy Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 As a female, I believe that the first date should be no longer than 1-2 hrs. I am meeting people from Personals. Some men do not understand that point. So, I have problems to end the first date at the time which is comfortable for me. I do not want a man to think that I am not interested in him. But men may think it anyway if I end the first date too early from their point. Any suggestions? How to end the first date nicely and do not give an impression that I am not interested in him? I think putting a regimented "time limit" on a first date is going to turn a lot of men off, especially if you are having fun. I think by setting a time limit you are putting pressure on yourself to learn to much in one date AND so that you don't run over your allotted time, you will rush things. I don't care how you do it, it will be a turn off to any guy. If neither of you are having fun then I can see trying to end it sooner. But without a legitimate reason other than it's your rule, you're setting yourself up for failure. Or you could be honest and tell the guy you have a 1-2 hour limit on first dates and see what he thinks. Of course, he might just say something like "get over yourself" lol. It's a risk you take but when you're regimented like that with no flexibility you are bound to cause yourself issues when dating.
caramel c Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 If you don't want the date to go over a certain amount of time, simply make plans after, even if your plan is to go home and call somebody. Never tell your date that there is a time limit. Just tell him a few min before you have to go that you've had a great time, but you've got to get going because __________(fill in the blank with what you have to do). Then, within a few min, get going.
DollWelch Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 OP. There is no easy way to go about ending the first date nicely. Men, no matter how you behave or say, will take it as disinterest. IF you are keen on ending the date early, do it in a polite and friendly manner. In other words, be firm but at the same time, execute a heart-warm appreciation of the time spent together, and hope they pick up on your genuine vibes. Otherwise, I do suggest that you don't limit yourself in that form. Go out, have fun, and decide how you want to handle each date according to your personal preference.
Author bac Posted September 3, 2009 Author Posted September 3, 2009 I think putting a regimented "time limit" on a first date is going to turn a lot of men off, especially if you are having fun. I think by setting a time limit you are putting pressure on yourself to learn to much in one date AND so that you don't run over your allotted time, you will rush things. I do not put an artificial limit. I just have nothing to do with a total stranger, if it is more than 2 hrs, because there is no rapport yet . We do not know each other and I can not be open with him. So, we both have to talk about nothing and he may think that I am OK with having sex right now. I guess the guys, who want to talk for unlimited time on the first date, do it mostly because of their hope that it will lead to something sexual.
Author bac Posted September 3, 2009 Author Posted September 3, 2009 If you don't want the date to go over a certain amount of time, simply make plans after, even if your plan is to go home and call somebody. Never tell your date that there is a time limit. Just tell him a few min before you have to go that you've had a great time, but you've got to get going because __________(fill in the blank with what you have to do). Then, within a few min, get going. Thank you. I just want to find a nice exuse to tell men. And I can not think about any because I do not understand the way men think. Which exuse would be good to men's brains?
caramel c Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 Thank you. I just want to find a nice exuse to tell men. And I can not think about any because I do not understand the way men think. Which exuse would be good to men's brains? Instead of making an excuse, make plans. Then tell him you have to go because of your plan. Simple.
dreamergrl Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 As long as it's not overboard, I don't see the problem if the time frame goes a bit beyond a few hours. If you're truly set on keeping in under two hours, then do something like coffee or what not. Dinner can often lead to drinks and what not. Pick an activity that you can finish in two hours, and if it's suggested to do something else, just say, well we only made plans for coffee... so I have to be going (insert another thing you have to do, such as help a sister move or something).
BCCA Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 I guess the guys, who want to talk for unlimited time on the first date, do it mostly because of their hope that it will lead to something sexual. That makes no sense. Why would they want to talk to you for an unlimited time if they just wanted sex? They would try and get you to leave with them, not waste time chatting for hours. Guys that want to talk are enjoying your company and want to get to know you. The paranoia on this forum about guys just wanting sex is unreal. If you're truly set on keeping in under two hours, then do something like coffee or what not. Dinner can often lead to drinks and what not. Pick an activity that you can finish in two hours, and if it's suggested to do something else, just say, well we only made plans for coffee... so I have to be going (insert another thing you have to do, such as help a sister move or something). If a woman told me that we just made plans for cofee, or she had to go help her sister move after our date, I would take it as a hint she wasnt interested. Why wouldnt you want to keep hanging out if you liked each other? And why would you make plans immediately after our date unless you needed an excuse to end it? How would you feel if you really liked a guy, and after 2 hours he said he had to go help someone move, or 'well I was only planning on being out for 2 hours...'?
dreamergrl Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 If a woman told me that we just made plans for cofee, or she had to go help her sister move after our date, I would take it as a hint she wasnt interested. Why wouldnt you want to keep hanging out if you liked each other? And why would you make plans immediately after our date unless you needed an excuse to end it? How would you feel if you really liked a guy, and after 2 hours he said he had to go help someone move, or 'well I was only planning on being out for 2 hours...'? I personally agree, but I have no other answer if OP refuses to let a date go beyond a certain time limit.
BCCA Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 I personally agree, but I have no other answer if OP refuses to let a date go beyond a certain time limit. Agreed, I was just more or less adding to what CaliGuy said. It comes off as disinterested, and somewhat rude. And then you probably wont recieve any more calls...
MeadowGlitter Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 I wouldn't want an interesting date to end early. If I had to end it early, it would only be because I wasn't interested for a second one! That said, I have no answer for you, bac.
dreamergrl Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 Agreed, I was just more or less adding to what CaliGuy said. It comes off as disinterested, and somewhat rude. And then you probably wont recieve any more calls... I suppose if the gut mentioned a day he was free, she could say, well I've got this and that to do, but I'd love to meet for coffee in between. I mean it still doesn't come across as having a lot of interests... but it's better then ending early.
dreamergrl Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 We do not know each other and I can not be open with him. So, we both have to talk about nothing and he may think that I am OK with having sex right now. I guess the guys, who want to talk for unlimited time on the first date, do it mostly because of their hope that it will lead to something sexual. The point to a date though, is to get to know each other. Talk about personal interest and what not. I really think you are limiting yourself Bac. If you go to his place afterward, then sure he'll think you want sex, but if you keep it public and all - I don't see why he'd automatically assume there's sex that night.
BCCA Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 The point to a date though, is to get to know each other. Talk about personal interest and what not. I really think you are limiting yourself Bac. If you go to his place afterward, then sure he'll think you want sex, but if you keep it public and all - I don't see why he'd automatically assume there's sex that night. Exactly, you'll never know eachother if you can only spend time together in 2 hour blocks. I cant imagine very many guys are going to think youre even interested if you do that anyway. And I just dont see where youre getting this unnatural fear that spending any longer than 2 hours together means the guy wants to sleep with you right now. The best date I ever had lasted almost an entire day, and at no point was I thinking about sleeping with her, we just had a crazy good time. Guys out for sex and sex alone dont want to spend even an hour with you if they dont think its leading to their place.
Author bac Posted September 3, 2009 Author Posted September 3, 2009 That makes no sense. Why would they want to talk to you for an unlimited time if they just wanted sex? They would try and get you to leave with them, not waste time chatting for hours. Guys that want to talk are enjoying your company and want to get to know you. The paranoia on this forum about guys just wanting sex is unreal. It is not a paranoia. If you were in females's shoes, you would feel my frustration. I will describe you my last date with a guy. First, we went to restaurant, then he wanted to go to another restaurant's bar. We had several drinks there. Then....... he started to take his clothes off and repeat 'please, please, please'. And he spent so much money. And I just do not do that on the first dates. That really sucks. I guess I am confused about what you can do for several hrs on the first date. For example, I can have coffee at coffee shop for 1-2 hrs. What can you do else that would not lead you to sex? I have an impression that if a guy invites you to the restaurant, he expects you to have sex later.
dreamergrl Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 It is not a paranoia. If you were in females's shoes, you would feel my frustration. I will describe you my last date with a guy. First, we went to restaurant, then he wanted to go to another restaurant's bar. We had several drinks there. Then....... he started to take his clothes off and repeat 'please, please, please'. And he spent so much money. And I just do not do that on the first dates. That really sucks. I guess I am confused about what you can do for several hrs on the first date. For example, I can have coffee at coffee shop for 1-2 hrs. What can you do else that would not lead you to sex? I have an impression that if a guy invites you to the restaurant, he expects you to have sex later. Bac, not every guy will be like this. And your best bet, if you fear this, is to stay away from the bars on a date. You could do all sorts of stuff for more then just a few hours. For instance, one of my favorite first dates was going to the zoo for the day. You're taking the fear of only being wanted for sex a bit far.
BCCA Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 It is not a paranoia. If you were in females's shoes, you would feel my frustration. If you have the idea that its easy on our side, I can assure you thats not the case. I feel your pain, but dont let it jade you too much. First, we went to restaurant, then he wanted to go to another restaurant's bar. We had several drinks there. Then....... he started to take his clothes off and repeat 'please, please, please'. And he spent so much money. And I just do not do that on the first dates. That really sucks. This guy is whats commonly reffered to as a 'bozo'. What a complete tool, I really hope you know its not reflective of all guys. I guess I am confused about what you can do for several hrs on the first date Well, you dont always have to. Ive had dates that lasted an hour and were great, and others were the hours just flew by. The day long date I mentioned before started off at a ball game, then we went out to eat, then we walked on the beach, and then we just sat and watched the waves/stars until the sun came up. It was romantic and I had a great time, but there was no intent on my part to sleep with her. I have an impression that if a guy invites you to the restaurant, he expects you to have sex later. Think about this for a second, where are you going to have sex at a resturant, in the bathroom? Thats silly. If he asks you to his place, he just wants sex, but guys who just want to get laid rarely feel like spending money on the girl they are trying to screw.
MeadowGlitter Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 I guess I am confused about what you can do for several hrs on the first date. For example, I can have coffee at coffee shop for 1-2 hrs. What can you do else that would not lead you to sex? I have an impression that if a guy invites you to the restaurant, he expects you to have sex later. Not all men are like that! I used to think the way you do, bac but what I've learned is that if they asked you back to their place then yes, perhaps sex is what they want from you. I've dated guys that were really nice and all they wanted was to spend some quality time with me because they were interested in ME and not what I have to offer afterwards, in bed! After you're done with coffee, there is so much more to do. There's the movies, museum (if you're both into that), walk in the park and more. More to do if it was during the day!
silic0ntoad Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 I agree with the above post. IDK, I would feel that she wasn't interested if she ended it early. Thus, I wouldn't call her back. I think you have some security issues you need to resolve about yourself before you consider dating seriously.
caramel c Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 That makes no sense. Why would they want to talk to you for an unlimited time if they just wanted sex? They would try and get you to leave with them, not waste time chatting for hours. Guys that want to talk are enjoying your company and want to get to know you. The paranoia on this forum about guys just wanting sex is unreal. If a woman told me that we just made plans for cofee, or she had to go help her sister move after our date, I would take it as a hint she wasnt interested. Why wouldnt you want to keep hanging out if you liked each other? And why would you make plans immediately after our date unless you needed an excuse to end it? How would you feel if you really liked a guy, and after 2 hours he said he had to go help someone move, or 'well I was only planning on being out for 2 hours...'? To answer your question, that wouldnt matter to me at all. I'd just think he has to help someone move after, no biggie. If I felt the connection was mutual I'd feel good about him wanting to see me again. I'd take his word for it.
caramel c Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 ...but if he really said 'i was only planning on being out for 2 hours' I'd think that was a little weird. lol
BCCA Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 To answer your question, that wouldnt matter to me at all. I'd just think he has to help someone move after, no biggie. If I felt the connection was mutual I'd feel good about him wanting to see me again. I'd take his word for it. It really depends on where you are with your date. Like, if you just finished dinner, or just left a movie, etc...still though, no matter what, as a guy, the girl needing to leave = not interested to me.
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