SpanksTheMonkey Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 What's funny though is if I say the model needs to stop being a bitch, everyone would agree. Hey if those modles wanna be bitchey good for them who am I to tell them other wise really who am I to do so?
EarthGirl Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 Its not about wither there bold enough to say looks matter to them hey if looks matter them then good on them I don't care its not my life. I have a prob when they start saying how certain people don't deserve to have what they desire/be happy. Just based exclusively on how they look the "how dare they" attitude the holier then thou deal thats what bothers me.. I never am the type of person to say "how dare they"...just so you know. And the attitude bothers me as well.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 Spanks... I hear what your saying... and for the most part I totally agree. We are all responsible for our own paths in life and have a right to it. However, while it's ok to dream big... losing sight of reality often hurts those around us as well as it hurts ourselves. I'm not talking about dreaming big I'm talking about denying some one the right to have what they desire based soley on how they look simple. I'm sure some were out there theirs some happy couple who defys this logic but if one was found then there would be some other argument for why there together. Couldn't just be there happy together god forbid how could it be if its not Barbie and ken in the matching BMW's lol.. To me reality is every one is entitled to have there wants desires in life maybe thats a whacked view to some. But I think if more people started sharing it In instead of following the norm like brain washed sheep. Then the world might be a better place if I'm delusional for these beliefs then so be it..
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 I have been really traumatized even further by having to admit my feelings about this to my mother and several psychiatrists and psychologists who did not really understand where I was coming from. I try to explain but no one seems to understand. I am humiliated even further by searching stuff on the net and finding no psychological information about it, and only lay men regular sites that claim that men are "visual creatures" but women tend to look more for personality and protection and financial stability in men. I am indeed a woman, so it makes me feel like a freak. My mother even said she did not know what she did wrong with me (which is her favorite phrase when she is disappointed or frustrated with me...she is great with the guilt, like some mothers are...she shows how guilty she feels which in turn makes me feel like sh*t and guilty myself for hurting her and making HER feel guilty). I'm actually just a few years older than you for whatever that is worth. Your definitely not a freak. I think most women I know have a strong visual component to their attraction... just as men do. Is it not interesting that we have such a strong desire for someone to love us unconditionally, and yet place such harsh conditions on giving our love that same person?
Author Hkizzle Posted September 3, 2009 Author Posted September 3, 2009 I'm not talking about dreaming big I'm talking about denying some one the right to have what they desire based soley on how they look simple.. Hey this isn't Nazi Germany, no one is denying anyone anything. We're just having a discussion over when it's not wise if someone wants to aim high but not willing to do anything about it.
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 I'm not talking about dreaming big I'm talking about denying some one the right to have what they desire based soley on how they look simple. I think I agree with you. What would be a good example of this?
SpanksTheMonkey Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 I think I agree with you. What would be a good example of this? The very heart of what this thread is here for witch as I read it myself is the OP saying that certain people. And lets not fool ourselves here hes not talking about bitchy models hes talking about overweight people. Do not deserve to desire a successful mate in life simply because they are overweight and as such must also be automatically lazy as well..
EarthGirl Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 What's funny though is if I say the model needs to stop being a bitch, everyone would agree. That is based on the idea that being a bitch is harmful to others (words DO hurt) while being fat is not...in most circumstances...sure if you have children it is bad and irresponsible to be obese and not be able to play with them and take care of them better as well as setting a good example healthwise. And just bipassing the issues of the effects of fast food on the environment and how much food fat people really do eat and if they are taking some away from starving poor people...and all that stuff that is debatable and possibly hard to quantify... But it is also based on the idea that fat people have to go through a lot of hard work to lose weight, and bitches only need to show a little kindness and think before they speak once in a while. Perhaps that is not as accurate as we might think. a lot of times people base their judgements of how good a person is by how hard they try in life....So if someone does not do something that would be relatively easy or of moderate difficulty in our eyes, and we see it as the "right thing", we judge them. Whereas if it is something very very difficult, which we see as the right thing, and they don't do it, we may cut them a little slack as far as judgement goes, even if we hope we would do better and there may still be necessary consequences . which is exactly the thinking I thnk you have H, and there is nothing wrong with that, seems like a good measurement to me. The only problem is the possibility that you don't actually KNOW the truth of how hard each person is trying. Just cause someone does not do cardio an hour a day does not mean they do not work hard at their job and do volunteer work and are not learning and reading and working hard on mental/emotional issues that will at some point allow them to work harder at literal physical exercise. So I will give you this, that as much as you are naive about the real circumstances of different individuals (fat people) and the actual effort they put out....perhaps some of us are naive about the circumstances of some bitches and the actual effort they put out into thinking before they speak and showing kindness...when sometimes it may actually be a lot harder than it looks... depending on their history and their mental and emotional state.
Author Hkizzle Posted September 3, 2009 Author Posted September 3, 2009 The very heart of what this thread is here for witch as I read it myself is the OP saying that certain people. And lets not fool ourselves here hes not talking about bitchy models hes talking about overweight people. Do not deserve to desire a successful mate in life simply because they are overweight and as such must also be automatically lazy as well.. Hey so now you're speaking for me as well? Don't put words in my mouth, especially when I said the models have a problem too. I know quite a few models and the ones I know are the most boring friggin people to talk to, I would never dream of having a relationship with them. If someone is fat and has no control over it, that's fine. If someone is fat but could cure that problem with 15 minutes of exercise a day, then that's lazy because everyone has that amount of free time in a day.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 Hey so now you're speaking for me as well? Don't put words in my mouth, especially when I said the models have a problem too. I know quite a few models and the ones I know are the most boring friggin people to talk to, I would never dream of having a relationship with them. If someone is fat and has no control over it, that's fine. If someone is fat but could cure that problem with 15 minutes of exercise a day, then that's lazy because everyone has that amount of free time in a day. But why should they have to change them selves just to gain the right to live and be allowed to have what they desire? Don't you see the difference between that? its like saying well if that person would change there hair color then I would respect them and think they deserve to be happy in life. Until then there just lazy cause the box of die is right in front of them don't you get it man? live and let live. I'm not trying to put words in your mouth but I will call you out if I think your trying to skirt the original issue here. If you wanted to talk about bitchy models you would have made that the topic of the thread we both know its not about that. Look I respect your rights to your views I only have a prob when you start passing judgment on others based on them.. Like some one else mentioned bitchy models can be hurtful to others for no apparent reason cruel words do hurt. Overweight people are not its simpley because you don't care for our appearance and there for you pass judgment thats what I have a issue with..
Author Hkizzle Posted September 3, 2009 Author Posted September 3, 2009 But why should they have to change them selves just to gain the right to live and be allowed to have what they desire? Don't you see the difference between that? its like saying well if that person would change there hair color then I would respect them and think they deserve to be happy in life. Until then there just lazy cause the box of die is right in front of them don't you get it man? live and let live. I'm not trying to put words in your mouth but I will call you out if I think your trying to skirt the original issue here. If you wanted to talk about bitchy models you would have made that the topic of the thread we both know its not about that. Look I respect your rights to your views I only have a prob when you start passing judgment on others based on them.. Like some one else mentioned bitchy models can be hurtful to others for no apparent reason cruel words do hurt. Overweight people are not its simpley because you don't care for our appearance and there for you pass judgment thats what I have a issue with.. Believe me, I want to change the OP. It's in that format because I copy and pasted from the other thread. If I could edit I would include the bitchy models. I think you still don't get what I'm saying. I'm not saying a fat person doesn't have the right to live and be happy. I'm saying individuals that are aiming too high have a prob, and what they should be doing is work towards their goal if they want to aim high. It's no different from a student studying hard if he wants good grades, or a guy working hard for a promotion or an athlete training hard to get a gold medal. The problem is when people sit on their asses, do nothing, and expect the top things in life to drop on their laps.
EarthGirl Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 Hey so now you're speaking for me as well? Don't put words in my mouth, especially when I said the models have a problem too. I know quite a few models and the ones I know are the most boring friggin people to talk to, I would never dream of having a relationship with them. If someone is fat and has no control over it, that's fine. If someone is fat but could cure that problem with 15 minutes of exercise a day, then that's lazy because everyone has that amount of free time in a day. yeah just practically, physically, medically, I really doubt that most fat people could lose much weight just doing 15 minutes of exercise a day and not changing diet or anything. I am not a doctor or anything but I don't think so. What kind of movement are we talking here? maybe if they ran as fast as a track runner at the Olympics or something. but most fat peoples' bodies can't handle that kind of intense exercise without risking their health even if they were inclined to try it. I think 15 minutes of exercise every day if it was moderate cardio or maybe alternate between yoga or pilates or something and cardio every other day, would make a small difference in weight in which the person may feel a difference and there pants may be a little looser (but honestly probalbly not so much as a person like you would notice), and perhaps could make a person FEEL much better and healthier and have more energy. But it would take a lot more than that to lose a significant amount of weight, especially for people with bad metabolisms.
EarthGirl Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 I'm actually just a few years older than you for whatever that is worth. Your definitely not a freak. I think most women I know have a strong visual component to their attraction... just as men do. Is it not interesting that we have such a strong desire for someone to love us unconditionally, and yet place such harsh conditions on giving our love that same person? I do not place any conditions on giving my love to him. There is nothing he could do or be that would change the way I feel about him or keep me from letting him know I love him and taking care of him in any way I can. I place conditions on giving sex to him. Only because I have no other choice. I would never want sex with him, which means a whole lot to me, to become unpleasant or traumatic for me, the opposite of what it should be. I also would not want him to ever feel undesired by me, that is why I have been so clear with him about my issues, and that it has nothing to do with him, "it's not you it's me"...except in this case it's really true. I have gone through hell and high water just for him, have forgiven him for causing me great heartache and would do it again and again because I know he deserves it and he tries his best. I would die for him, I would literally be willingly tortured if it meant it would save him the same fate. I get freaked out saying that because I am a little OCD/superstitious and I am terrified God would take me up on stuff like that that I say out loud...but it's true I would, if I had to make the decision, I wouldn't think twice. I am not some silly romantic little girl that has to have the best looking dreamiest guy she can find (although, he is that to me)...no matter if that's how I seem sometimes. I do not have to have perfection, physically or otherwise. But yes, if I am going to get naked in front of someone and they are going to put their penis inside me, I have to feel comfortable and safe and attracted ....and there are some things that just make me feel uncomfortable and unsafe and I just literally could not do. You know it's the same as some people weren't meant to be doctors or nurses because they faint or get sick at the sight of blood. They are never gonna be doctors or nurses no matter how smart they are or how good they are with people or how good they are under pressure because they will always be disgusted with blood. Does that mean that they do not care about patients or want the best for them? no. Do you judge them for that instinctual and bodily emotional reaction?
SpanksTheMonkey Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 Believe me, I want to change the OP. It's in that format because I copy and pasted from the other thread. If I could edit I would include the bitchy models. I think you still don't get what I'm saying. I'm not saying a fat person doesn't have the right to live and be happy. I'm saying individuals that are aiming too high have a prob, and what they should be doing is work towards their goal if they want to aim high. It's no different from a student studying hard if he wants good grades, or a guy working hard for a promotion or an athlete training hard to get a gold medal. The problem is when people sit on their asses, do nothing, and expect the top things in life to drop on their laps. You obversely do not understand the concept of what I'm saying here. And what you are saying here doesn't make complete sense and is a bit of a contradiction in itself. I think at the end of the day life is very black and white to you full of demand and supply! some times the true essence of life is in neither believe it or not. However again I respect your view tho hopefully some day you can respect mine as well then we will have progress..
Author Hkizzle Posted September 3, 2009 Author Posted September 3, 2009 You obversely do not understand the concept of what I'm saying here. And what you are saying here doesn't make complete sense and is a bit of a contradiction in itself. I think at the end of the day life is very black and white to you full of demand and supply! some times the true essence of life is in neither believe it or not. However again I respect your view tho hopefully some day you can respect mine as well then we will have progress.. No worries, I'm sorry if I offended you. I just post stuff to spark off debate.
HappyAgain Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 H, why does it bother you if the mom wants to go after a doctor and she's overweight? In what way does it affect your life? If she has high expectations, she has high expectations. If she were to go after you, you have all the right to turn her down but why should she live her life by your definition of supply and demand? So you say all successful men only want to be chased by beautiful fit women. How do you know that? First she's a mom with a poster old enough to post here, so she's not in the 20's age range, that's a whole different supply and demand market from the 40's range or even from the 50's range. I was in the exact same situation you describe except with the roles reversed. I am more successful than my ex ever was or will be, should I have never dated him because he is beneath me? He was too slim for my liking, should I have never accepted a date with him seeing as he made less, was less successful, was too skinny? I should never have given him a second thought because he has a great sense of humor, I could spend my time enjoyably in his company, I was able to grow to love his physique even though it wasn't what would have first attracted me to him? Reading your threads, you sound like a very unhappy and bitter person. And I just don't get why you think other people should live according to the rules you define. If someone wants to chase after someone that they believe will make them happy, they are not hurting anyone except maybe themselves if they get rejected, but who are we to say to them that their object of affection is too beneath them to even try?!?
Author Hkizzle Posted September 3, 2009 Author Posted September 3, 2009 H, why does it bother you if the mom wants to go after a doctor and she's overweight? In what way does it affect your life? If she has high expectations, she has high expectations. If she were to go after you, you have all the right to turn her down but why should she live her life by your definition of supply and demand? So you say all successful men only want to be chased by beautiful fit women. How do you know that? First she's a mom with a poster old enough to post here, so she's not in the 20's age range, that's a whole different supply and demand market from the 40's range or even from the 50's range. I was in the exact same situation you describe except with the roles reversed. I am more successful than my ex ever was or will be, should I have never dated him because he is beneath me? He was too slim for my liking, should I have never accepted a date with him seeing as he made less, was less successful, was too skinny? I should never have given him a second thought because he has a great sense of humor, I could spend my time enjoyably in his company, I was able to grow to love his physique even though it wasn't what would have first attracted me to him? Reading your threads, you sound like a very unhappy and bitter person. And I just don't get why you think other people should live according to the rules you define. If someone wants to chase after someone that they believe will make them happy, they are not hurting anyone except maybe themselves if they get rejected, but who are we to say to them that their object of affection is too beneath them to even try?!? lol. The mum situation doesn't bother me, I couldn't care less. I make posts, especially contorversial ones to spark off intellectual debates. The only thing that bothers me about this forum is a guy called VET that stalks me, in fact I wouldn't be surprised if he will post on this thread soon. To answer your challenge. You're right, you found something attractive in your boyfriend, his sense of humor. In fact when it comes to women picking men, a sense of humor is one of the highest rated things. I would say: Confidence then sense of humor is second in terms of how women generally pick men, with individual differences of course. If people can be hurt be a stranger posting on a friggin public forum then that shows something is wrong in the first place. A secure person can't get hurt by some random douchebag on a public forum. But back to your skinny BF, he had something to offer you. That's why you picked him. Some people are lazy and got nothing to offer and sit there all saying they deserve the world. Relationships is just a small example of this problem. In work there's a lot more people like that. They think they deserve a good job and money when they're just plain lazy. If someone wants an attractive partner they need to have attractive qualities to offer. Picking a partner isn't charity, it's a friggin ruthless market place, just look at how many people come here with their hearts ripped out by people they love or care about. I wish it wasn't that way, but I'm just speaking the truth when it comes to relationships. If anything relationships show the selfish darker side of human beings. So get smart or trade down, don't even bother to trade up because you will get your ass fried. That depressing enough?
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 I am not some silly romantic little girl that has to have the best looking dreamiest guy she can find (although, he is that to me)...no matter if that's how I seem sometimes. I do not have to have perfection, physically or otherwise. But yes, if I am going to get naked in front of someone and they are going to put their penis inside me, I have to feel comfortable and safe and attracted ....and there are some things that just make me feel uncomfortable and unsafe and I just literally could not do. You know it's the same as some people weren't meant to be doctors or nurses because they faint or get sick at the sight of blood. They are never gonna be doctors or nurses no matter how smart they are or how good they are with people or how good they are under pressure because they will always be disgusted with blood. Does that mean that they do not care about patients or want the best for them? no. Do you judge them for that instinctual and bodily emotional reaction? We all have fears and phobias. Some are mildly innate, and some come from past trauma. We each choose how to deal with them, by avoidance, or facing them head on. I'm sure that over time and with effort, you will be able to put your fears behind you. That may require professional help, but I believe you can do it. In terms of love... just keep in mind that all human love is based upon conditions. If you look like this... treat me like this... own this... ect... THEN I can love you.
BCCA Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 I just want to chime in with my experiences in this area. I did a research project for a psych class about what men/women look for and what they feel they offer in return. I talked to TONS of people at school, work, and through friends. The most overwhelming thing I noticed was that women had a lot more check boxes than guys did. In one case, a girl handed me a list of about 140 things she wanted in a husband. Guys tended to almost all go for looks initially, and almost always had less than a handful of 'must haves'. The startling thing was that the guys listed a lot of things they felt they brought to the table, from providing and being caring, to fixing things around the house, etc. Almost ALL of the women gave the same 2 things they thought they brought, they were 'cute' and 'fun/cool' - that was about it. When I make posts about problems with the women Im meeting, female posters almost all ask the same question: 'are you a 6 trying to score 10's?', yet it seems that Hkizzle is sort of implying the same thing, and there seems to be an uproar. Fact of the matter is, its a trade off. What you bring to the table = what you should expect to get. Far too many people, men/women alike, do have delusions that even though they know they arent '10's', they still feel like they deserve to date one. Its all fine and well to shoot for the moon, and settle for the stars, but the attitude that you deserve nothing less than perfection because you were born is false. Sadly, IMO, this attitude is more prevelant in women, probably because they are generally in the position to decide on relationship opportunities. I have many female friends who dont give good, decent, and honest guys a chance because they are affraid they can do better if they wait it out for Prince Charming, and then they complain about being single...
EarthGirl Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 We all have fears and phobias. Some are mildly innate, and some come from past trauma. We each choose how to deal with them, by avoidance, or facing them head on. I'm sure that over time and with effort, you will be able to put your fears behind you. That may require professional help, but I believe you can do it. In terms of love... just keep in mind that all human love is based upon conditions. If you look like this... treat me like this... own this... ect... THEN I can love you. We all have fears and phobias. Some are mildly innate, and some come from past trauma. We each choose how to deal with them, by avoidance, or facing them head on. I'm sure that over time and with effort, you will be able to put your fears behind you. That may require professional help, but I believe you can do it. In terms of love... just keep in mind that all human love is based upon conditions. If you look like this... treat me like this... own this... ect... THEN I can love you. I think the most I can do by facing my fears head on is simply being with him knowing that someday his or my physical appearance or both could change (yes, it has to do with my appearance as well when it comes to how comfortable I am with sex) even if we take care of ourselves and put it off as long as possible, it will eventually change if we stay together long enough..I think that WOULD be facing my fears..that would be a HUGE step for me, not just because of that fear but others I have related to love...but as far as actually doing the deed when that happens, I can never ever promise that to him. I can't even promise that I'll be able to TRY, though I am not ruling that out completely for a someday, but to me it seems very unlikely I would be able to...and that is why I HAVE to be so clear about it, as much as some would think it is crude, because it is important to me that he is prepared so that he does not feel rejected but he knows what it all is really about, that it is not about him really either his physicality or his soul. But I do not think I need to prove anything to you or anyone by "facing my fears" of this, not even to him. I have proven how I feel about him in a lot of other ways that frankly no other woman would have gone through for him and gone to the extents that I did. It's not that he doesn't deserve it, he does definitely, just that I believe it is when you find your true soulmate that that person will accept you just as you are, and treat you better than past love interests not because the past love interests were bad people, but just because when you find your true love you have more invested and you have this instinct to love them and protect them at all costs. Now I am sure you are thinking that I said "a true soulmate will accept you just as you are and love you at all costs" and I myself do not accept him as he may be someday, you think I sound like a total hypocrite, but that is not true. Frankly, if you will, that is a rather shallow, and simple way to think about things. I do accept him and love him no matter what. As I said the only thing this applies to is having sex. As I said he has been one of the first people in my life to ever show me true unconditional love because many people in my life have withdrawn affection from me because I do not conform to their ideas of how I should think (including this issue but a few other things as well, religious ideas etc.), dress, act, and what career I should have, etc. And in turn he has trusted me with secrets he tells hardly anyone but that people he loved in the past have judged him for. I never judge him no matter what and I will take these things to my grave unless he says with his own mouth that he wants me to tell someone. And he respects me enough that he would never want me to do anything that was uncomfortable and very distressing to me, ESPECIALLY in such an intimate and personal area, no matter if others looking in call it "shallow", no matter if it was caused by trauma or it is just me..what's more important is I heal from all the other issues the trauma has caused me, like my major anxiety issues in social situations, etc...things that have effected not only my whole life day to day but literally who I am. Frankly from my perspective it seems weird that anyone would be comfortable being intimate in that way with someone who was very unattractive in some way. It seems biologically and emotionally to me natural that people have sex with people they not only love but are attracted to. And of course beauty is in the eye of the beholder and different people are attracted to different things, that's why hopefully as they say, there is someone for everyone, I believe that. Of course in a perfect world no one would get fat and nobody would be unlucky enough to just be born kind of unattractive, and people would not get old till they were 80 and perhaps ready to take a break and live a celibate lifestyle anyway and prepare for their next adventure on a different plane. But being that women's reproductive systems tend to slow down in their 40's and they go through menapause in their 50's maybe (as biologically the whole point of sex is to make babies)..and men, before viagra, many times started to lose a little drive and ability around that time or maybe a little after...And of course before we had so many easy food options and we had to work out in the fields, there were a lot fewer fat people. It really seems natural biologically that people are kind of meant to have sex with a partner that they are attracted to...both emotionally and physically. I know that it is not a perfect world and even in the old days people that were somewhat unattractive did meet, and mate, and everything..but still to this day I fail to understand why this is so hard for others to understand my feelings on this issue. I understand that it is not so intense and important for some other people because we are all different, but I don't understand why it is so impossible to comprehend my feelings about it without judging who I am as a person or how much I love the love of my life. ("you would do it if you really loved him")? really , do we have to stoop that low? that line from all the movies and tv shows that is such a teen cliche. (only he's not even asking me it and never would, other people are.)..that I would have to do something so difficult for me that should be wonderful and may very well instead be completley traumatic, but worst of all I would most likely end up hurting him all the more. And in the end sex does not equal love anyway. There are other ways to show true love for someone. People say this all the time, but it goes both ways...just as if I had sex with some hot guy I found attractive but did not genuinely care about, and did not treat me well outside of the bedroom...THAT would not be love. And it goes the other way as well...just because I do not, cannot, or choose not to have sex with someone does not mean I am not in love with that person. I also do have to point out that I have the right to not have sex for any reason at all, no matter what anyone else thinks of it, as it is my body. And if that day ever came he would have the right to leave me if he could not be happy, but I am hoping somehow we can work it out one way or the other.
EarthGirl Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 I'm sure that over time and with effort, you will be able to put your fears behind you. That may require professional help, but I believe you can do it. In terms of love... just keep in mind that all human love is based upon conditions. If you look like this... treat me like this... own this... ect... THEN I can love you. p.s. I do not believe true love is ever conditional. I know you do not understand how I believe his love for me is unconditional precisely BECAUSE he does not judge the way I think and feel about this, even though many less enlightened and amazing people would, because it is who I am and I can't help it, wether I like it or not. THAT is unconditional love, when you love someone for exactly who they are and you never judge until you put yourself in their place, in their circumstances, in their mind even. His outsides are not really who he is or will be they are just flesh and bone. And again, no matter what his outsides look like even if he looked like jabba the hut, I would STILL love him with all my heart. I would make him feel my love somehow, I would do anything I could to make him feel that, I simply could not have sex with him. well if he really looked like jabba the hut I may not even be able to give him kiss with tongue or even a peck on the cheek, lol, but luckily I doubt that will ever happen. I don't care what he owns, although I heard he has an awesome movie collection ; )...but if he had nothing but the clothes on his back I would still love him just as much because he is the most precious found object I have ever found anyway and he is as entertaining as any movie, he is a one man show ; ). But even if he wasn't so charming, I would STILL love him just for what a good man he is and how we connect with eachother.
EarthGirl Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 The startling thing was that the guys listed a lot of things they felt they brought to the table, from providing and being caring, to fixing things around the house, etc. Almost ALL of the women gave the same 2 things they thought they brought, they were 'cute' and 'fun/cool' - that was about it. When I make posts about problems with the women Im meeting, female posters almost all ask the same question: 'are you a 6 trying to score 10's?', yet it seems that Hkizzle is sort of implying the same thing, and there seems to be an uproar. Fact of the matter is, its a trade off. What you bring to the table = what you should expect to get. Far too many people, men/women alike, do have delusions that even though they know they arent '10's', they still feel like they deserve to date one. Its all fine and well to shoot for the moon, and settle for the stars, but the attitude that you deserve nothing less than perfection because you were born is false. Sadly, IMO, this attitude is more prevelant in women, probably because they are generally in the position to decide on relationship opportunities. I have many female friends who dont give good, decent, and honest guys a chance because they are affraid they can do better if they wait it out for Prince Charming, and then they complain about being single... I don't know what kind of women you were questioning...they may have been intimidated by a guy asking the questions, or they may have been girls that are at a point in their lives where they feel they need to "dumb themselves down" in order to not make trouble and get guys...or they may have just been kind of flaky spoiled girls that have been given everything they wanted in life..I don't know... But none of the important women in my life (my sis, best friends, aunt, grandma etc.) could i ever picture giving an answer like that to that question unless they were in a big hurry and had to be somewhere and just wanted the survey guy to go away (no offense to you personally just that sometimes in busy modern life you have somewhere to be and just need to get something over with in order to get there..or have a bad headache and just want to get out of there, whatever). But I will tell you that most women that would put a little more thought into their answer would probably never put down something like being able to fix things around the house. Although these days with more equality and HGTV, more and more women are ABLE to fix things around the house and maybe even good at it....even if a woman could do that, I can't see a woman offering that in their list of the qualities or of what they have to offer...because women do not think about romance in that way...that is a practical thing...women think about romance in a , well, romantic way. They (if they put more thought and time into it) will most likely mention that they are caring, and adventurous, ambitious, or fairminded. Of course they may mention that they can cook well, which is also practical, because that is more traditionally a woman's role, but it can also be a somewhat romantic art form (If you've ever seen like water for chocolate or Big Night). women just generally think a little different, but contrary to many men's opinions, they are not illogical. It's just a different kind of logic.
Author Hkizzle Posted September 3, 2009 Author Posted September 3, 2009 I just want to chime in with my experiences in this area. I did a research project for a psych class about what men/women look for and what they feel they offer in return. I talked to TONS of people at school, work, and through friends. The most overwhelming thing I noticed was that women had a lot more check boxes than guys did. In one case, a girl handed me a list of about 140 things she wanted in a husband. Guys tended to almost all go for looks initially, and almost always had less than a handful of 'must haves'. The startling thing was that the guys listed a lot of things they felt they brought to the table, from providing and being caring, to fixing things around the house, etc. Almost ALL of the women gave the same 2 things they thought they brought, they were 'cute' and 'fun/cool' - that was about it. When I make posts about problems with the women Im meeting, female posters almost all ask the same question: 'are you a 6 trying to score 10's?', yet it seems that Hkizzle is sort of implying the same thing, and there seems to be an uproar. Fact of the matter is, its a trade off. What you bring to the table = what you should expect to get. Far too many people, men/women alike, do have delusions that even though they know they arent '10's', they still feel like they deserve to date one. Its all fine and well to shoot for the moon, and settle for the stars, but the attitude that you deserve nothing less than perfection because you were born is false. Sadly, IMO, this attitude is more prevelant in women, probably because they are generally in the position to decide on relationship opportunities. I have many female friends who dont give good, decent, and honest guys a chance because they are affraid they can do better if they wait it out for Prince Charming, and then they complain about being single... It's to do with biology. Women are primed to go find the highest quality male. Their objective is quality and not quantity. Thing is a lot of women fail to realize they are competing with all the other women out there, and the men at the top can only marry one woman. People either bring more to the table or lower their expectations. Or get screwed over by males exploiting this desire, and turn it into a chance to get sex.
WineCountry Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 What's funny though is if I say the model needs to stop being a bitch, everyone would agree. THAT is so true. Say she could stand to lose a few pounds to make her self more attractive, and people will call you shallow. Say she could could ease up on being selfish, mean spirited, a gossip spreader, or vindictive in order to make herself more atteactive, and people will agree with that. Hypocritical? Of course. That's the way folks are, though.
BCCA Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 I don't know what kind of women you were questioning...they may have been intimidated by a guy asking the questions, or they may have been girls that are at a point in their lives where they feel they need to "dumb themselves down" in order to not make trouble and get guys...or they may have just been kind of flaky spoiled girls that have been given everything they wanted in life..I don't know... But none of the important women in my life (my sis, best friends, aunt, grandma etc.) could i ever picture giving an answer like that to that question unless they were in a big hurry and had to be somewhere and just wanted the survey guy to go away (no offense to you personally just that sometimes in busy modern life you have somewhere to be and just need to get something over with in order to get there..or have a bad headache and just want to get out of there, whatever). Women of all types, friends, family, co-workers, old and new, and they just filled it out and gave it to me another time, there was no time restrictions. And there was maybe a handful of girls that I didnt know at all, so 'survey guy' was hardly an issue. I didnt make this up, and it was well over 100 women when it was all said and done. They ranged in age from 18-57. Seriously, the results were so similar its not even funny. But I will tell you that most women that would put a little more thought into their answer would probably never put down something like being able to fix things around the house. Although these days with more equality and HGTV, more and more women are ABLE to fix things around the house and maybe even good at it....even if a woman could do that, I can't see a woman offering that in their list of the qualities or of what they have to offer...because women do not think about romance in that way...that is a practical thing...women think about romance in a , well, romantic way. They (if they put more thought and time into it) will most likely mention that they are caring, and adventurous, ambitious, or fairminded. Of course they may mention that they can cook well, which is also practical, because that is more traditionally a woman's role, but it can also be a somewhat romantic art form (If you've ever seen like water for chocolate or Big Night). women just generally think a little different, but contrary to many men's opinions, they are not illogical. It's just a different kind of logic. No, the guys felt like fixing things around the house was something THEY brought to the table. Honestly no less than 90% of the women, collectively, only put their looks or their looks and something else as what they brought to the table, and these are women young and old. And dating and what you like in a partner is not a logical thought process. Thats why you can ask people, and they give you one answer, and then proceed to date exactly what they said they are not looking for, or vice versa. Men arent logical either, dont think Im just bashing women here, but it is what it is.
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