Hkizzle Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 Changing yourself for someone isn't a good idea, however technically we've all been changing as we grow and develop. When we get more information about how the world works, what people like or dislike, we naturally change to adapt to the world and other people. So what's considered adaptation and positive, and what crosses the line to the negative? I'm asking because on a nother forum there was this girl that started flipping out because someone suggested it's best to look feminine and wear a skirt on a date, and I agree it's smart to use feminine power to a girl's advantage. This girl however started flipping out like a hardcore feminist, asked why should she conform and she likes wearing jeans. I don't think she understood the point. Understanding what the sexes are attracted to and utilising that knowledge isn't necessarily lowering oneself. On the contrary it's playing smart.
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 I don't think one should have to change who they are to attract people. If you are a jeans person, then most likely you'd rather be in relationship with a jeans person. What if she goes about wearing skirts, attracts a guy, goes back to her comfort of wearing jeans and all he does and bitch and moan about how she USED to wear skirts? Whatev. I say you shouldn't have to change to attract somebody. There's somebody out there for everybody. Now, I'm not talking about deep-seated emotional/psychological problems. If you have those - it would be best to get those fixed. But as for superficial stuff...if you're happy the way you are, don't change!
Author Hkizzle Posted September 3, 2009 Author Posted September 3, 2009 Ok cool. But lets say you're a very needy person, or very insecure person. For example lots of people post here about their insecurities, and people say, you need to get over your insecurities, etc. That's still changing oneself. So at which point is removing negative traits ok, and which point is it not ok? Forget the jeans example......... What about laziness, pride, being bitchy, being a jerk. What if these people changed and they're not being themselves?
TaraMaiden Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 The only change that's important is the change a person wants to make for themselves. You can tell a person they need to change until you're blue in the face. It won't work. The only things that do, are: If the person realises these faults: If they recognise they are entirely negative, and setbacks. If they acknowlege that change is needed. If they really want to make these changes themselves. if they really do follow through, and make these changes FOR themselves. Otherwise - forget it.
Author Hkizzle Posted September 3, 2009 Author Posted September 3, 2009 Cool thoughts, and btw, I like your sig. Who said it, you or someone else?
TaraMaiden Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 which one, the first bit about saying and doing, or what people want? The first I think, was Lama Surya Das. The second I think, in all honesty, was me. I'm guessing you mean the first, though.
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 Well, my opinion still stands. Don't change anything about yourself that you're HAPPY with. Now...the "insecurities" people... they are not HAPPY being insecure (or they wouldn't be posting), so go ahead and change it. *shrug* Sounds simple to me. And don't expect anyone to change for you. But I think Tara covered that one. Change is tough. It has to be supported by inner strength. And part of that strength is acknowledging that a change is necessary and putting it into action.
Recommended Posts