Mrs. Roeper Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 I'm married to a great man, we have been together 15 yrs. We are happy but have issues. I am realizing that our lack of sex is not getting any better. Been to counseling, that did not help. The problems are very simple, he is 38 going on 80. Has issues with erectile dysfunction, ass is attached to the couch, doesn't want to go anywhere, has completely let himself go. I am no runway model but attractive and care to look a certain way. I get attention from men and recently started paying attention back. Recently I went for a drink with someone and kissed. It felt so amazing! electric! I have not been there in a long time. He wants to see me though he is aware that I am married. I have talked to my husband over our issues but I get a 100 excuses to justify the situation. What do I do?????
herenow Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 Tell your H that you kissed another man and you feel you want to see him again.
seibert253 Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 I'm married to a great man, we have been together 15 yrs. We are happy but have issues. I am realizing that our lack of sex is not getting any better. Been to counseling, that did not help. The problems are very simple, he is 38 going on 80. Has issues with erectile dysfunction, ass is attached to the couch, doesn't want to go anywhere, has completely let himself go. I am no runway model but attractive and care to look a certain way. I get attention from men and recently started paying attention back. Recently I went for a drink with someone and kissed. It felt so amazing! electric! I have not been there in a long time. He wants to see me though he is aware that I am married. I have talked to my husband over our issues but I get a 100 excuses to justify the situation. What do I do????? Troll I'm thinking.
Author Mrs. Roeper Posted September 3, 2009 Author Posted September 3, 2009 Thanks for your wisdom I guess you are the official name caller in a forum where people are seeking genuine help? You must be so cool
bentnotbroken Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 Thanks for your wisdom I guess you are the official name caller in a forum where people are seeking genuine help? You must be so cool Sure you can have an affair. The only thing stopping you, is you. Or at least that's what should be stopping you.
Author Mrs. Roeper Posted September 3, 2009 Author Posted September 3, 2009 Sure you can have an affair. The only thing stopping you, is you. Or at least that's what should be stopping you. I have to be honest. I don't want to hurt him. I don't want to hurt my family. But is it realistic to tell your spouse I need to have a real sex life so I'm leaving. It just seems that it's such a small part of an otherwise strong relationship. What's stopping me is that everything else in my life would be shaken to the core if I do this.
whichwayisup Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 Ask your husband if he would mind to have an open marriage. BE HONEST and tell him that you're unhappy sexually and that you can't live the rest of your life without it. MAYBE he'll get help (there are drugs out there, and counselling - He probably is depressed and doesn't feel loved or needed by you) and things will get better. Or maybe it would be best to divorce and start over.. Sex seems very important to you, enough that you're willing to lie, cheat and betray, go behind your husband's back knowing full well it's going to destroy him and your life together. Can't your husband use his fingers, tongue, or a vibe to please you? You two can still be intimate, but it sounds like, as I mentioned before, he is depressed. Ask him to seek counselling, get a full physical, see if there's anything he can take to help him last longer.. Choosing to cheat is the WRONG choice. It's selfish and is going cause pain to him and your family.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 What's stopping me is that everything else in my life would be shaken to the core if I do this. And the idea of breaking your husbands heart the man who you took a vow to love and honor isn't stopping you? Its because it would shake up YOUR life? look do the guy a favor and get a divorce that way you both can do whats best for you..
bentnotbroken Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 I have to be honest. I don't want to hurt him. I don't want to hurt my family. But is it realistic to tell your spouse I need to have a real sex life so I'm leaving. It just seems that it's such a small part of an otherwise strong relationship. What's stopping me is that everything else in my life would be shaken to the core if I do this. Is it realistic to think an A is the answer to your issue? So if it really is such a "small" part of an otherwise "strong" relationship, why are you even contemplating an A. Shouldn't you be happy with the blessings you so obviously have? Why not seek marriage counseling instead.
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 I have to be honest. I don't want to hurt him. I don't want to hurt my family. But is it realistic to tell your spouse I need to have a real sex life so I'm leaving. It just seems that it's such a small part of an otherwise strong relationship. What's stopping me is that everything else in my life would be shaken to the core if I do this. Honestly... I did the same as you, and for the same reasons. I can't even begin to express to you how much I regret it. Yes my marriage sucked, and I had lost all respect for my spouse. What I didn't realize is that having an affair... destroyed the respect I have for myself. Please take my advice... it was the dumbest thing I've ever done... and it hurt me worse than I could have ever imagined.
MistyK Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 I have to be honest. I don't want to hurt him. I don't want to hurt my family. But is it realistic to tell your spouse I need to have a real sex life so I'm leaving. It just seems that it's such a small part of an otherwise strong relationship. What's stopping me is that everything else in my life would be shaken to the core if I do this. It is not only realistic, it's the right thing to do - to give him the chance to change it or move on. It's not a small part of a relationship. If it was so trivial, you wouldn't even consider upending your life over it. It doesn't make you a bad person that sex is important to you.
TaraMaiden Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 The bottom line is that what you're thinking of doing has nothing good going for it at all. The alternative - opening up to your Husband, coming to an agreement or a conclusion - is by far the better option because it's respectful, dignified and honest. Love fails. It does. And sometimes, no matter what remedies, solutions and options you throw at it - nothing's gonna stick, and it's best to call it a day and go your own way. Things are difficult and complicated between my partner and me, at the moment - but nowhere, even in the depths of my deepest thoughts - would I ever consider having a fling behind his back. Truly - your only decent option here, is to come clean, admit it's no longer working for you, and make a clean break. Through all the comments and opinions in here, not one person has told you that having an affair is a hot deal, and a fun thing to do. Have they?
TaraMaiden Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 Thanks for your wisdom I guess you are the official name caller in a forum where people are seeking genuine help? You must be so cool Oh trust me, you ain't heard or seen nothing yet. You think he was name-calling? Believe me, in comparison to the way some people have been given short shrft and torn to shreds, that was courteous, polite and considerate. Sarcasm doesn't become you. Remember this forum is full of people having to deal with their spouse betraying them, in precisely the same way you are thinking of betraying your spouse. It's little wonder criticisms fly..... Take it as read that if you go anywhere with the statement - 'I am thinking of cheating on my husband' - you are in for a probable pounding. That's what happens, so let go of the advice that is not useful to you. But listen to that which is. You know, the one that urges you to not do this.....
Owl Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 I have to be honest. I don't want to hurt him. I don't want to hurt my family. But is it realistic to tell your spouse I need to have a real sex life so I'm leaving. It just seems that it's such a small part of an otherwise strong relationship. What's stopping me is that everything else in my life would be shaken to the core if I do this. Clearly not such a small part if you're willing to risk completely emasculating and emotionally devestating your husband by having an affair. If it were a "small thing", you'd not even consider cheating on him in light of the very high chance that you'd pretty much destroy your marriage if it were caught, right? If it's big enough to risk that...isnt' it big enough to actually sit down and TALK with him about it, and insist on some changes if need be? Insist on marriage counseling. Tell your H point blank that if he refuses or doesnt' go...you're not going to be able to remain in a relationship with him that isn't meeting all of your needs. He needs to hear what you need...and as importantly, he needs to understand how critical it is that he works to meet your needs....he needs to know what you're considering if he doesn't do so. I'm not talking blackmail...I'm talking about communicating the problem, the scope of the problem, and the potential outcomes if the problem isn't addressed. Good communication.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 Mrs. Roper, It sounds like your H is depressed. Plenty of people here, men mostly, complain about lack of sex in their marriage. Look through the marriage and life catagory. Tell me this, if the roles were reversed and it was Mrs. R. who was depressed, not interested in sex, ect... what would SHE hope for from her spouse??? The best thing you can do, IMO, is to get your H to a doctor, for depression as well as the ED. Then get him out to walk with you each day or partake in some type of excercise togther. INSIST on it. You're his spouse, if you take that seriously then you help him when he can't help himself. That's what its all about right? You'ld do the same for your child. Having an affair will be exciting and fun. How could it not be. Heck, after this many years you could have kissed a camel and it have been electric. That's not magic, I promise you. Sure, this guy wants to have some fun with you, and you with him. Unfortunately, once you've gone there you can't go back, and when your H finds out, you can't believe the amount of pain you and your family will feel. You'll be kicking yourself saying it wasn't worth it, and the sad part is that even if the affair is forgiven, you will never look the same in your H's eyes. Get the man some help, put your own pleasure and needs on the back burner and give it your best try. If that doesn't work, then yes, walk away from the marriage. Believe me, anyone who comes here saying its mostly good except for X, ends up finding out the hard way that X wasn't so bad after all.
Author Mrs. Roeper Posted September 3, 2009 Author Posted September 3, 2009 Sat down and talked bared my heart and soul. Cried made plans, in the end he says its over. Very painful no matter what you do.
bentnotbroken Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 Then you have taken the first step in the right thing to do. You now have the opportunity to divorce and find someone who can put what you want in a relationship. Though I find it odd, that divorce is an option for an otherwise good marriage with sex being the only issue.
Author Mrs. Roeper Posted September 4, 2009 Author Posted September 4, 2009 Yes. I bared my soul. Turns out it has nothing to do with sex at all, has to do with intimacy, desire, passion, which apparently I never brought to the equation. As hurtful as it was I did what I had to do.
Author Mrs. Roeper Posted September 4, 2009 Author Posted September 4, 2009 Did you tell him the whole truth about having kissing another man and planned and wanted to have sex with him? By the way liquid, thinking of extramarital sex and and actually having extramarital sex are two different things.
Dexter Morgan Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 I'm married to a great man, we have been together 15 yrs. We are happy but have issues. I am realizing that our lack of sex is not getting any better. Been to counseling, that did not help. The problems are very simple, he is 38 going on 80. Has issues with erectile dysfunction, ass is attached to the couch, doesn't want to go anywhere, has completely let himself go. I am no runway model but attractive and care to look a certain way. I get attention from men and recently started paying attention back. Recently I went for a drink with someone and kissed. It felt so amazing! electric! I have not been there in a long time. He wants to see me though he is aware that I am married. I have talked to my husband over our issues but I get a 100 excuses to justify the situation. What do I do????? you get a divorce and stop thinking about becoming a huss.
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