pittman Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 i need advice, girlfriend and i have been dating 3 years, she likes to flirt with guy friends on msn and facebook, i caught her once and told her to stop, she agreed, 3 months later i bust her again doin the same thing, saying things like "i miss you" i <3 you" , i confronted her and then she admitted that she had a drunken kiss with him at the bar, and that she was really confused in life atm. i then kicked her out of the house while i think of things, she has apoligized and agreed to never talk to them again, stating that she wants to be with me forever, etc... also deleteing her facebook and msn too, so wut should i do, i still love her but worried i can never trust her again. i feel full of anxeity.
dreamergrl Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Unless you can rebuild solid trust, this relationship is going to have a lot or problems.
Regularguy05 Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 i need advice, girlfriend and i have been dating 3 years, she likes to flirt with guy friends on msn and facebook, i caught her once and told her to stop, she agreed, 3 months later i bust her again doin the same thing, saying things like "i miss you" i <3 you" , i confronted her and then she admitted that she had a drunken kiss with him at the bar, and that she was really confused in life atm. i then kicked her out of the house while i think of things, she has apoligized and agreed to never talk to them again, stating that she wants to be with me forever, etc... also deleteing her facebook and msn too, so wut should i do, i still love her but worried i can never trust her again. i feel full of anxeity. Im not a relationship superstar or anything man, so I cant really offer advice, just that I sorta have a similar problem minus the drunken kiss, goodluck, know how you feel sorta..
CaliGuy Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 Drunken kiss, ok, I might buy that. Saying she loves other guys over facebook while stone cold sober -- I don't think so. You want her back? Take her back but tell her this is her last chance and if she screws up again, no matter what, you are done with her forever -- AND MEAN IT. If she crosses this boundary again and you take her back, she knows your boundaries don't mean crap and she'll keep doing it.
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 and that she was really confused in life atm. i then kicked her out of the house while i think of things, she has apoligized and agreed to never talk to them again, stating that she wants to be with me forever, etc... also deleteing her facebook and msn too, so wut should i do, i still love her but worried i can never trust her again. i feel full of anxeity. Her confusion means she has doubts about you.
Hkizzle Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 Yeah if you take her back and she does somethign again you need to dump her. Best every morning to do the thing Robert De Niro does in meet the parents, where you point two fingers at your eyes and back at her, and let her know she's being watched.
dreamergrl Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 I'm shocked no one is telling OP not to take her back.... OP how do you plan on rebuilding the trust? How do you plan on dealing with your feelings that you can trust her? If it were me, I'd say lose her now, because if you take her back, you've led yourself back down that path, and then you have yourself to blame. Unless you can work through this.
Author pittman Posted September 3, 2009 Author Posted September 3, 2009 first off thx for the replies, i dunno what im gonna do or how to deal with the whole trust thing, im lost right now. it just really seems like she will do anything to get back together, she says she made a horrible mistake and that she really realizes now who she wants to be with. she said something about just liking the attention of it all. whatever that means? were both in are mid 20's , and get along awesome , im the first guy she's ever lived with and been with for this long, we kind of moved in together fairly quickly to and thinking maybe we rushed things alittle,i think the break up really made her think for once whats important. Maybe im starting to over think stuff . lol. is it possible to gain trust back once its gone? do you think people can change? thx again
Hkizzle Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 do you think people can change? thx again In the vast majority of cases people don't change. They apologize, say I love you, beg, or even cry to avoid the break up, and then go back to the old ways months later. That's why I said keep a close eye on her. It's your choice if you want to break up with her. The only I didn't say break up immediately is because you've been dating 3 years, so 1 chance is warranted.
boldjack Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 OP, think about what she has done and not done. You busted her on Facebook once, she apologized and said she would stop, then 3 months later she is back doing the same things. You bust her again, find out about the kissing (if that's all they did) and NOW she is sorry? If you take her back, what will happen 3 months from now? You will never be able to live with her in peace and trust. You are both young, dump her and find somebody you CAN trust.
MeadowGlitter Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 Basically, you have given her two chances and yet, she managed to screw them up - again. I'd let this one go for good.
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 i think the break up really made her think for once whats important. Maybe im starting to over think stuff . lol. is it possible to gain trust back once its gone? do you think people can change? thx again If it takes a breakup to realize how important someone is to you... most often that means they are not important at all. I think she is more motivated at the moment to keep her security blanket... You. Listen, it's totally up to you... but I make it a policy not to date anyone that does not think I am #1.
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 You want her back? Take her back but tell her this is her last chance and if she screws up again, no matter what, you are done with her forever -- AND MEAN IT. If she crosses this boundary again and you take her back, she knows your boundaries don't mean crap and she'll keep doing it. Yes, yes, yes, and yes. She hasn't crossed over into actual cheating yet, imo, but her behavior is shady. The second she steps out of line, she gets the boot. There's no excuse for this. Me, personally - I wouldn't take her back. But I've survived a cheater and I'm not interested in anymore of them, thank you.
Author pittman Posted September 3, 2009 Author Posted September 3, 2009 ok well i was thinking about stuff today again and i dont think i will be able to ever trust her again, its really not worth it worrying about **** constantly, i kinda worry about things too much as it is. i think im gonna move on, i mean what happens if we married and had kids and this happens again, then it wont be so easy to break (hard enough as it is) thanks everyone that posted. cheers have a good weekend.
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