datura_noir Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 OK guys, feeling a bit low today, so I decided to open up a post about why you as a BS, will NEVER cheat or become an OW/OM: 1.I like a full-time partner 2.I can't lie very well 3.I don't like to cause another person pain Any others??
IfWishesWereHorses Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Why the heck would a willingly choose to be in a relationship, then make a farce of it by cheating. That's from a married person point of view. OW? I have no desire to give myself to someone who I can't respect. I could never respect a man who would do that to his spouse. Not someone I would want even as a friend.
herenow Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 1 - I'm married 2 - I love my Husband 3 - If I ever had the desire to be with an OM, I would have the decency to let my H know our marriage was over first. and, I agree with 100% IWWH. I would also like to add that iI could never be attracted to a man who would have sex with me while I'm married.
HappyAgain Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 OW? I have no desire to give myself to someone who I can't respect. I could never respect a man who would do that to his spouse. Not someone I would want even as a friend. Exactly. I would end my current relationship before getting involved (emotionally or physically) with someone else as I have in the past.
jj33 Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 BS only? I thought anyone could post here. Hope you feel better soon.
MistyK Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 BS only? I thought anyone could post here. Hope you feel better soon. We can all post, but what is the point when the thread is solely about coming up with reason that "they" are oh so much better people than "we" are. I can imagine the reaction we'd get if someone started a thread about our reasons that we'd never be a BS who'd choose the reconcile with a cheating H.
jasminetea Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 We can all post, but what is the point when the thread is solely about coming up with reason that "they" are oh so much better people than "we" are. I can imagine the reaction we'd get if someone started a thread about our reasons that we'd never be a BS who'd choose the reconcile with a cheating H. Maybe she said "BS only" as the question can't be valid for OW/M. Why don't you start that thread? I'd find it interesting to see the differences in feelings between being cheated on by one's husband with an OW and being cheated on by one's lover with his wife.
Owl Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 We can all post, but what is the point when the thread is solely about coming up with reason that "they" are oh so much better people than "we" are. I can imagine the reaction we'd get if someone started a thread about our reasons that we'd never be a BS who'd choose the reconcile with a cheating H. I don't think this was in anyway intended as an insult or slight to anyone, although you took it that way. I think that the point of the thread was to discuss something from a point of view that a BS knows painfully well, whereas the OW/OM may or may not share. Why take this as some kind of slight or insult?
jj33 Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 Why because many BSs including Data Noir have no qualms about speaking up on OW/OM threads just to put in their 2 cents regardless of whether it is responsive to the poster and claim that the board is for everyone. Whats good for the goose is good for the gander. Anyway I would never cheat on anyone. Never have never will. And teh person I was with wasnt "cheating" so I wasnt involved in a cheating situation. I was simply involved with a married man.
angie2443 Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 . And teh person I was with wasnt "cheating" so I wasnt involved in a cheating situation. I was simply involved with a married man. Was this an open marriage?
foreal Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 OK guys, feeling a bit low today, so I decided to open up a post about why you as a BS, will NEVER cheat or become an OW/OM: 1.I like a full-time partner 2.I can't lie very well 3.I don't like to cause another person pain Any others?? I'd like to think I'd NEVER cheat, but I cannot honestly say I would not, never ever... With that being said, I believe my love of myself would prevent me from becoming involved with someone else while married to my H. I validate myself. Cheating does not jive with this philosophy, for me. As far as being an OW to a MM- now that is much more unlikely, however, again, I can't say never, but highly unlikely... Why? B/c I have a big ego. The thought of sharing my man with another woman?! Willingly and knowingly??!! OH HELL NO. I would avoid being any man's mistress- to me that is worse than being a BS...at least as a BS I am the beneficiary to his life insurance, 401k, etc etc. As a mistress I'd be a beneficiary of only his whims...no thanks.
ladydesigner Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 I would never say NEVER. I am a BS and an xOW and let me tell you I thought I would never cheat until I actually did.
MistyK Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 Why don't you start that thread? I'd find it interesting to see the differences in feelings between being cheated on by one's husband with an OW and being cheated on by one's lover with his wife. Done. "Who Wants A Cheater Anyway"
jasminetea Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 Done. "Who Wants A Cheater Anyway" Yes, I saw it.
grogster Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 As Joni Mitchell tells it (in another context), I've seen "Both Sides Now." I've been both a BS and an OM. I would never cheat again because it's painful to live and maintain a lie. Also, the agony the affair causes to one's betrayed spouse and children, once discovered, is impossible to watch. An affair is the ultimate "me" experience. If I had to choose between the two, I'd be a betrayed spouse any day. My feelings may be crushed but at least I've not harmed those I love.
bentnotbroken Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 I don't know what the future holds. What I can say is I don't do things that make me feel bad about myself or feel like I am devaluing others feelings. My thought pattern isn't centered around what makes me feel good for the moment. It is about me breaking destructive patterns and feeling good about myself all the time. I also focus on where I want to be in the afterlife. An affair would be the exact opposite of what I want, of what I strive for. So with those thoughts in my head and not wanting to cause anyone the pain that I and my family have been through, so.... 1) I believe in honesty, truth and respect 2)I don't want anyone to experience what I did 3)I don't know when my last day on earth will be, I have enough issues to get control over without adding another.
2sure Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 I prefer to deal with reality. The reality of who I am, and my life. I dont need to pretend even for a few hours that I am someone other than who I am. If something is broken, I fix it.
redtail Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 I personally have no qualms about saying never. I know I will never cheat. When I found out my (ex)wife cheated, one of my first thoughts was back to when I had opportunities to cheat on her and why didn't I take the bait. At first I was disappointed I didn't cheat on her and obviously she was not worthy of my fidelity. But I don't cheat because no matter who doesn't find out, I'll know, it's a personal integrity issue. For me, I remove myself from situations that in my opinion would lead up to an affair. That's why I have difficulty with people that say "it just happened". That is so rarely the case, there are many choices that have to be made before an affair happens. I know there are exceptions, ONS for example, but typically. My $0.02...
EnigmaXOXO Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 I’ve never felt wholly comfortable around shady or dishonest folks, so duplicity isn’t a character trait I go looking for in friends or lovers. When I discover it, I’m more inclined to feel completely put off and move in the opposite direction. Trustworthiness and integrity are very, very important virtues to me when it comes to sustaining interpersonal relationships. Similarly, while I might be suicidal enough to bail out of a bad relationship without any emotional or financial safety nets in place, I won’t succumb to ‘drowning man syndrome’ and pull everyone else right down with me while I’m desperately trying to keep my own head above water. For me... it’s easier to just cut loose the baggage and either sink or swim on your own. I can’t say “never” cause I’ve met some really good liars in my life, and as intuitive as I’d like to think I am, I still can’t say that I could never, ever be fooled. But I’d never cheat with or on someone intentionally... and the minute I ever found out I was being lied to... I’d be out of there because of that whole “shady liars make my skin crawl” thing. Judgmental or not... to each his own, I guess. Fortunately, we’re all still free to choose the people we share our lives with as we see fit, and I just prefer to use the best judgement possible whenever I’m lucky enough to be given a choice.
redtail Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 etc... But I’d never cheat with or on someone intentionally... and the minute I ever found out I was being lied to... I’d be out of there because of that whole “shady liars make my skin crawl” thing. etc... Well said.
NoIDidn't Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 I prefer to deal with reality. The reality of who I am, and my life. I dont need to pretend even for a few hours that I am someone other than who I am. If something is broken, I fix it. I agree. And as much as I like and admire jj33 and MistyK, I can't for the life of me understand why they felt this was an insulting thread or a dig at anyone. If anything, data basically gave fair warning about what the thread was about. Personally, I think being an OP is just as bad as being a cheating MP. If you don't agree, ask those people who got the double whammy of finding out that their spouse was running off with their best friend. Just because you didn't know the person that you helped betray, doesn't at all make one "innocent" of cheating. Get-away-car drivers go to jail too. Its called being an accomplice. And that is exactly what the OP is. And why being one is something that many BSs don't think they'd want to have a hand in doing to someone else. That said, I can't say that I would never cheat. I just can't. I know that many times, with the exception of those who sign up to cheat on websites, that people really do *find* themselves in situations that they can no longer control. The trick is knowing when to pull back before things go too far. I don't know that I'll always be strong enough to walk away from some form of ego stroking from another man. I don't. So I can't make a statement that might turn out to be untrue.
angie2443 Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 For me, I remove myself from situations that in my opinion would lead up to an affair. ... This is actually one of the major differances between those who cheat and those who don't.
Dexter Morgan Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 OK guys, feeling a bit low today, so I decided to open up a post about why you as a BS, will NEVER cheat or become an OW/OM: 1.I like a full-time partner 2.I can't lie very well 3.I don't like to cause another person pain for me, I simply despise cheaters. won't become what I despise. I don't betray people and won't be a party to it either.
Dexter Morgan Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 Why the heck would a willingly choose to be in a relationship, then make a farce of it by cheating. you wouldn't....other morons out there will.
Dexter Morgan Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 We can all post, but what is the point when the thread is solely about coming up with reason that "they" are oh so much better people than "we" are. I can imagine the reaction we'd get if someone started a thread about our reasons that we'd never be a BS who'd choose the reconcile with a cheating H. nope, I'd agree with you. Although I'm not going to tear someone down for deciding to stay with their piece of s##t, I agree that there is no good reason to stay with a cheater.
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